When is someone considered socially adept? People often talk about what it means to be socially inept or awkward, but there is little discussion that defines what point someone is considered to function well in social situations. Spoiler I guess this is because each friend group brings different social expectations and rules; certain topics and behaviours may be taboo or to be avoided in one group, whereas they may even be encouraged in others, so it’s all fairly subjective. There is a definite trend in popular media to portray social adeptness as incompatible with general intelligence (particularly in academic subjects). Characters can usually be separated into two archetypes, the loner genius with poor social skills, and the well-liked but ditzy character. During job applications for internships/work experience, you sometimes get personality tests which say that “there are no wrong answers” as a disclaimer, but everyone knows that’s just nonsense- often what you answer can mean the difference between getting an interview, and not getting one. These tests often have leading questions and the answers they desire are clear, usually they want you to answer in a way which makes you sound like an extroverted, risk-taking, people-orientated, optimistically cheerful, and enthusiastic person. If I were actually honest on these tests, then I definitely wouldn’t get a response back. Some jobs may desire responses that suggest a different personality to one mentioned above, but in my experience that is fairly uncommon. What interests me about these tests is that I don’t often meet many people who actually fit this idealised personality, but then again, I tend to find myself in more introverted groups. I have met a few people who would actually fall under this category, and aren’t just faking it to make it, I knew this woman who described herself as a “people-person”, although I don’t think she was particularly risk-taking. But in general, I find myself coming across more people describing themselves to be socially-inept than not. Which makes me wonder, do people tend to underestimate their ability to effectively socialise? Perhaps even paradoxically, sometimes people use memories of themselves messing up in the past in social situations and joke about them in order to create a sense of relatability to further conversation, strengthening their friendships. All of my friends complain about being socially awkward, they often joke about it and exchange stories with one another. I go on social media, and I see memes about going to extreme lengths to avoid talking to acquaintances, and there was one particular meme where there was a ghost; Ghost: I’ll haunt you forever! Person: Eh. Ghost: and I also challenge you to make social chit-chat for eternity! Person: NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! During school, I was discouraged by others from pursuing a psychology course because apparently, I came across as “too insensitive/blunt and not patient enough to deal with people”, and instead was urged to look into subjects which dealt more with objects and animals rather than other people. So, I get the impression that people don’t view me as particularly socially adept. This might explain why people sometimes refer to me as “quirky” or “a bit strange”. I’ll admit that I do have a tendency to act rudely when I’m tired. Personally, I find social situations to be quite draining, they are enjoyable but if I attempt to stay in a situation when I’m tired then I just lose any sort of filter. Maybe I take after my mum, she’s well known for being brutally honest, but I do usually attempt to be polite and act appropriately. It should be noted that there is such a thing as overdoing it or overthinking a situation. When it comes to body language, if you are like me and research to find any information you can on the subject, then you may find yourself overthinking every little thing another person does when trying to read their body language. Often times it is less about what they do, and how long they do for, plus how often they do that particular action. Since a person may very briefly do an action which would typically indicate annoyance unintentionally, despite not being annoyed, for it was just a misplacement of hand for a quick moment or whatever. If you put too much focus on body language, you may miss what is being said and how it is being said, which are also important factors in communication. For example, that happened to me- I was focusing on someone’s body language and listening to what they were saying, but I did not consider the auditory tone. They managed to be sarcastic to me for two whole hours, and I was none the wiser until they snapped and said “Dammit I’m being sarcastic, stop taking me seriously, I’ve been sarcastic for two hours now!” My ability to spot sarcasm varies immensely. Sometimes I’ll pick it up right away, other times you can be sarcastic to me for hours and I’ll have no idea. TL;DR- What are some common traits that socially adept people have, and what makes someone adept at socialising?
It depends on what kind of person you are. Some people just don't want to do well in social situations. They stay in the corner of the room and not in the middle. However, you can always learn to be more gregarious. You can teach yourself to move a conversation more fluidly and naturally.
I'm an introvert and don't really make friends easily or at all. I don't have friends I have acquaintances. My sister is an extrovert she can also walk in to a room full of strangers and consider them friends in 5 minutes. For some reason she seems to attract a lot of gay guys but they seem to be her best friends. She went to a different country to work for a summer when she was 18 and within a day had a hundred different friends. Shes super high energy and I suppose you could her bubbly. She's the life of the party and I'm the one in the corner reading kindle books on my phone. It's better when I don't talk, less chance of offending people accidentally.
I've noticed the best people at being social and making friends seem to have short attention spans and a high level of natural energy. They just bounce between topics and say random things to people out of boredom. When you talk to like 40 people a day and bounce between topics so much you're bound to make friends eventually. A bunch of the most social people I know have ADHD or ADD too so they just go on forever and people like it because the more the social person talks the less they have to. They aren't actually trying to be social - they just can't control their need to talk as a way to entertain themselves.
I don't think being socially adept has much to do with confidence and being outgoing, because there are a lot of people who are chatty but not very well liked. You can be chatty and have the guts to go up to complete strangers and start talking to them, but that doesn't mean they are actually interested in what you are chatting about. They might find you incredibly boring, or they might think you're speaking a load of BS. They might not have wanted you to approach them in the first place, so how can you say you are socially adept if you just assume that people want to hear what you've got to say, and haven't considered that they don't actually want to associate with you? Whereas if you are a quiet and reserved person, you might not consider yourself socially adept, because you are not naturally engaging with people around you. You are taking your time and observing people and waiting for a subject you are familiar to come up before you finally do participate in conversation. On the one hand, you are being polite and showing good etiquette by not interrupting and changing the subject, on the other, you risk letting opportunities to bond with people pass you by. So it is a tricky situation. Maybe you feel socially inept, but you recognize there is room for improvement. I think that if you are truly socially adept, then you are open-minded and relaxed in a social setting, friendly at all times to everyone around you, and not too self-centered. So you have the ability to make people feel welcomed into your company without making yourself seem all important, so that others are not put off by you. If that makes sense.
