I'm 18 years old and I'm a senior in high school and one of my friends who's a girl that goes to my school told me she was bisexual (she does NOT know that I am bisexual too) and she told me to not tell anyone else. I haven't told a soul her secret ever since she told me that (which is rare for someone my age because most of them would go around spreading the word). How can I make more people trust me like that?
If anyone at my school told me they were gay or bisexual and they told me not to tell anyone else, I definitely would keep their secret even though most people wouldn't. I'm a great secret keeper despite being a teenager. I may even tell them my secret in return depending on how much I trusted them.
Why are you so keen for people to confide in you? It's good that you are not breaking the trust of the girl who did confide in you (although you are actually telling her secret to all of us), but I don't understand why you are so keen to hear more secrets. You should know that it's a great burden to hold the secrets of lots of people with no outlet. Be careful what you wish for! Trust is something we earn over time through our actions and behaviour and it's much easier to lose it than it is to gain it. There is no magic formula for gaining people's trust and you can't make it happen. If you are a decent person and don't bitch, gossip or let on that you know something about somebody/s, people will warm to you and feel they can trust you.
I didn't mention her name. I just said a girl that goes to my school. So technically I'm not breaking her confidentiality. And why would it be a burden to hold lots of secrets?
You didn't mention her name, but that's not really the point. As it happens, nobody is likely to read your post and put 2+2 together, but a confidence shouldn't be shared with anyone, anywhere. It can be a huge burden to hold lots of secrets. When somebody confides in you, they might tell you things you wouldn't wish to hear, but if you've sworn to keep quiet regardless, where do you go with what you know? So, why do you want to know more secrets?
Be vulnerable yourself. When I was repressing so much it felt like I was dying yet everybody else's life was perfect. When I admitted my issues, people felt more comfortable admitting their's. Also: don't tell people and don't express judgement. If you're giving advice, if you want it to be good advice, you have to remove judgement and what you'd want them to do form the situation.
Just be there for them and be a good, nonjudgmental listener. Relationships are a give and take, so if you want people to confide in you you should also be willing to express your own vulnerabilities. Also, an interesting observation: ask someone "What's wrong?" and they'll almost always have an answer. Most people love to talk about ourselves and are quite fixated on what's going wrong in our lives.
