I ask this cause the other day I had penetrative sex for the first time (the previous time I tried but failed) and it was really frustrating. I had to masturbate several times not to lose the erection (which is more difficult using the condom) and when I could finally enter I could only keep it just for a short time. We tried different positions but it was useless, we later got tired (the other guy has done it several times (he’s a bottom)) and did other things. I sometimes even lose the erection with no penetrative sex and very few times I can actually cum. This doesn’t happen to me while masturbating and watching porn, that’s why I think it has to do more with a psychological thing. Also it is much more difficult for me if it is just casual sex or I don’t feel a sort of conection with the other person. Besides I didn’t feel much pleasure during the short period of penetration, actually I felt a lot of pressure over my penis. Is this normal? I’m 20 and I’m worried cause I can’t enjoy the whole sex.
If you can keep your erection during solo masturbation, then it is probably a psychological thing, indeed. Something you could try is using condoms while you are masturbating alone. You can get used to the sensation of wearing a condom easier that way. Aside from that, just try to relax and enjoy the moment. Keep in mind that you can always do other activities that don't involve penetration if things aren't working. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself.
yes this is definatly not a physical problem as you equipment works with solo play. sounds like you are working yourself up about this and it is resulting in these problems. First of all you need to realise that most men have at some point not been able to keep it or get it up. I know for sure i have, mainly if i have had my mind on something else. You say its hard with hook ups as you want to feel a connection, which make sense to me, not everyone likes hook ups. If this guy you are playing with is your boy friend then talk to him about it and take your time in the bed room and relax. Maybe ask him to give you a back rub before hand or something? maybe a nice warm bath together? If he is a random hook up then i would say, try and find someone and get to know them first
Several things to consider: 1. It’s your first time and first time nervous are having an impact. With a patient partner, it may take a few times until both of you are comfortable enough for you to remain erect. 2. If your watching to much porn, your mind may be equating sexual excitement to the visualizations of porn. This can be habit forming. Try cutting out the porn for two weeks straight. Go the first week without masterbating. Then for the second week only master bate using fantasies in your mind. You can retain yourself away from porn with a bit of effort.
Maybe you're a bottom? I have no interest in male butts, unless I am really turned on. It is just the opposite for me - a bottom.
Mattroderic, I was reading your post and it reminded me of a time when I had a similar issue . I was able to stay erect but was unable to ejaculate no matter what I did ,thought of or used to try and aid me in ejaculating . I was able to do it when I was alone and watching porn which started out normal stuff then I had to change and go to stuff that was more intense I guess you could say and overtime I had to progress to even more intense porn . I finally decided to bite the bullet and talk to my therapist about it and he helped me understand what my problem was and it turns out that it was all psychological and I had to break the porn cycle and once I was able to do that and enough time went by I was able to ejaculate while engaging in SAFE sex with my boyfriend at that time and it was amazing. I have to say porn is great and all but it really had me hooked and made my sexual time with the man I loved hard to deal with. I am not saying that the porn made me watch it or anything I am just saying that I was super addicted and I am so glad that I was able to break the cycle and move forward in my life . I wish you all the luck and please keep us informed if you are able to identify the issue you are having and your progress with you road to being able to ejaculate when you want and need to with out any issues Have a great day .
I agree. I never found any pleasure in being the penetrative partner and it's a major d*** Kill to be asked to do so. I can maintain erection while receiving oral sex but almost never ejaculate from having it performed on me either.
Honestly if you haven't had physical contact in awhile and porn has been the release it does play with the mind. Been there myself. A partners feelings and mindset play a role as well. I stayed away from everyone for years and struggled with ejaculating limp and he struggled with paranoia someone might find out. Everyone is different and sometimes it takes time to be comfortable enough to relax and enjoy
Nervousness and performance anxiety are definitely issues that can cause erection and ejaculation problems. The good news here is that the more you are intimate with him, and the more you continue to try it, the easier it will become. Most importantly, in my opinion, is to let the failures happen without feeling shame about it. Don't make achieving climax with penetrative sex be the goal - allow it to be just one component of sex with him. When it's the "goal" of sex, it only adds to the performance anxiety, and if you don't maintain an erection, it will feel like the entire sexual episode was ruined. This is the exact wrong way to think about it, and will only add to the performance anxiety next time. Sex should be fun, exciting, pleasurable. Work on making the whole experience feel good whether orgasm is achieved or not. Once you are relaxed sexually with him, your natural lust for him will assert itself and you'll enjoy it more.
I agree that this is a nerves issue and might be associated with emotional intimacy. I’ve always had a retarded ejaculation problem when topping, and it’s frustrating. However I have been with men a few times when the emotional intimacy and chemistry was there, and it was a completely different experience. I think this is a very complex interaction that retarded ejaculation is only one facet of, or at least that’s how it seems in my case. It’s very normal that some men like penetrative sex as a top, and some don’t. You may want to find a partner with whom you have a connection, and see how that feels. It’s also possible that you may get more pleasure from being a bottom, and maybe top isn’t really for you. Good luck! Patrick
Hi, - 99% guarantee its the porn/masturbation that is the problem. I have had the same issue in the past, as have lots of people. Try having a look at this: https://www.nofap.com/
