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How do I really feel?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by zumbaqueen, Mar 13, 2018.

  1. zumbaqueen

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    I just need to get this out. Brief backstory, work with my catalyst, who is also my best friend, told her I was gay mainly because I thought if I told her I was gay but didn’t tell her I was attracted to her those feelings would go away-they didn’t, she found out my feelings for her-I didn’t tell her she figured it out and asked me, nothing is or will happen between us she said she is straight but acts otherwise towards me. I accepted that I will never be with her and I really thought I was over it, I don’t have that overwhelming desire to be with her.

    Now the problem. I have worked at my job for 20 years, I do not get along with another woman in the office and neither does my friend. Things came to a head last week and I almost quit my job over it. My friend is very upset about what happened at or place of employment and she is leaving. I’m not happy about what happened but I can probably deal with it. I came close to leaving and I’m not sure if it’s really about what transpired here or if because she is upset and leaving over it. I’m also not sure if I truely don’t like this other woman in the office or if I just don’t like her because my friend doesn’t and they don’t get along.
     
  2. dirtyshirt84

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    Hi Zumba Queen. How did she figure out you had feelings for her? And in what way did she act as if she wasn’t straight towards you?

    I can sympathise, I had a crush on a lesbian colleague for a long time and it was sometimes difficult to separate my feelings. It was hard to tell sometimes if my feelings clouded my judgment.

    How would you have felt if it wasn’t your friend who didn’t get on with this woman and is now leaving but another colleague? Would your reaction have been the same or would you not have cared so much?

    I’m guessing you like your job since you have been there 20 years so it would be rash to quit if you didn’t really need to. I can understand that you will miss your friend though.

    Perhaps it will give you a fresh start in a way though not to work with her anymore? I’m guessing you would keep in touch in any case.
     
  3. zumbaqueen

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    @dirtyshirt84 At our work Christmas party she and I went to the rest room and she was quite drunk, I was not. She was asking me questions about what type of woman I was attracted to, and told me she had kissed a woman when she was in college but it didn’t mean anything, they were just doing it to getting a reaction from the guys, I asked her why she was telling me that now, then she asked me if I was attracted to her, I said no, she asked why not. I said it was better for our friendship if I wasn’t, I turned to leave and she grabbed me from behind and she was hanging all over me. I pushed her away because I didn’t want that, not while she was drunk. It strained our friendship for a while. We talked about what happened we worked through it and I really thought I was over her.

    No I would have not been as upset if it happened to another co-worker and not her so I guess I have my answer don’t I. It probably would be easier for me if we didn’t work together.

    I love my job and what I do and I’m very good at it, get paid well and have great benefits. It would not be wise for me to leave over this.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    Hey Zumbaqueen, I think maybe you should stick it out and see what happens, as you say you might get on better with the other woman without the influence of your friend and plus I assume they will replace your friend and so you may well get on with that person too. If after a while you find wpthat without your friend you no longer like it then you can always leave at a later date.