So, about 2 months ago, I joined this website in the hopes that I may finally be happy. Everyone on this website heavily supported me, and helped me through my questioning phase. I came out to my mom about 2 weeks after I joined this website, and then everything went to hell, that's partially why it has been so difficult for me to get on here to post. I know that other people have to go through much more painful, and horrific things in their lives, but compared to my cushy and comfortable life I had pre-coming out, this is a huge step downwards. My mom has tightened all of the rules in the house, and I am not exaggerating, every time she enters the same room as me, she asks me a question about why I want to transition MtF. She just doesn't understand, and I don't really expect her to, but I just don't have the answers for her right now. She expects some miracle answer to come to her that will explain all of this, but it just won't. Due to issues with my insurance, I couldn't see a therapist until 2 weeks after that, making this my 4th week of therapy. My therapist is helping me through other parts of my life that I just don't know how to deal with, but she rarely brings up the whole transgender topic. She would definitely be open to me being transgender (my therapist I mean), so she isn't prejudiced, because that is her specialty, but she wants to make sure that my feelings about being transgender are not caused by my depression. I am terrified of talking about the transgender topic with my therapist for some odd reason, and the words just never seem to come out when I want them too. Is there any help that someone could give me, because I think that if I tell my therapist the honest truth, I may be able to move forward with this all? Before i go to any of that trouble, does anyone have advice for me about if it is normal to feel this way? I feel awful whenever I hear someone talk about what girls get to do that boys can't do, or see girls even just wear girly clothes, or act in a girly way. I absolutely hate when my friends talk about their period too, that is the worst part. I get terribly depressed from that. Literally everything makes me sad and that spirals into depression, and I just need to be a girl to get rid of this I think. Thanks for listening to my long rambles, and I hope someone can help me find some clarity <3
What you're feeling is fairly similar to how I feel (except about men) and I'm sure there are other people who feel that way too. Transgender people often have depression as well, at least in part because of dysphoria and social treatment. I think that if medical transition is what you want, you should try to keep going with it.
I think talking to your therapist about trans* things is a good first step. You said they are a specialist in this area after all. I have found it helpful to talk to my therapist about trans* things, even though he isn't a specialist in it. He's really open about anything and is willing to learn about it. One of the things I find quite helpful is showing things that I have been happy about with my therapist. Like when I got my binder, and when I got boxers. Even though I told him I was really embarrassed about talking about all of this, he told me that it made him happy that I was happy. So just opening up about this is helpful. Plus, they call you by your preferred name and pronouns which is always good too. Pronouns is something hard for me to talk about with other people, except with my therapist and LGBTQ+ clubs I'm in, so it's helpful to use this whenever I can. I think (this is just my opinion) that saying that you are trans* because you are in depression is wrong. Having gender dysphoria can lead to depression. I have realized overtime that my gender dysphoria has made my depression worse. It's not the whole cause of my depression (this is just for me anyways), but is a component of it. I think just stating that you are in depression partly because you feel dysphoric about your assigned gender and would want to work on this would make your depression just a bit better. It's not a cure-all, believe me. I still have bad days, most days. But I feel things could be a lot worse if I wasn't allowed to express whom I am on the inside. Maybe this video will help your mom understand? I haven't come out to my family, but it seems very good. It's about a parent of a trans* man and what she did to help herself and her child through this journey. I hope this helps:
I am right there with you honestly. I don't know what the heck I am, except that I don't like the gender I had at birth. I think if that's how you really feel then that's how you feel. Everything that you've described is pretty typical for people who're transgender, and some people have the whole gender dysphoria thing a lot worse than others do. Hope your situation gets better.
Hi, as someone who's gone through therapy multiple times over multiple years for multiple reasons, I recognize that no matter what the subject, it can be extremely difficult to admit emotions and thoughts to yourself, let alone your therapist. Therapy often involves doing both of those things at the same time. I'd say it's best to get it over with: not for the sake of "ripping the band-aid off" or whatever, but for the sake of getting past the extremely difficult part (the ice-breaker so to speak) so that you can finally relax. Procrastinating the stuff that sucks to talk about can make it feel more and more terrifying than it actually is. I know because I'm an expert at it I hope that helps!
I might be a bit late to answer this, but here’s my two cents anyway. Yes, you should definitely tell your Therapist all your worries about being trans. As you said, that therapist is there to help you, not to judge you. I have a Psychologist (it’s very similar to a Therapist) and I know that it is very hard to tell them very personal things, I found myself in this situation many times. But trust me when I say it’s better in the long run~ They will provide you with support and helpful advice and you’ll feel like you’ve just got rid of a huge weight off your shoulders. I always found it better to tell them my feelings instead of bottling them up. So there you go, hopefully I haven’t repeated what someone else said or said something you didn’t already know. You’re fighting a hard battle but if one thing is sure is that you are much much braver than me for coming out to your parents like that. Best of luck~
