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What's this about?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by LostInDaydreams, Mar 7, 2018.

  1. LostInDaydreams

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    It now looks very likely that I will be jobless within the next month or so.

    I've told a few people at work that my home life is not good and that I'd like to leave my partner, but the work situation puts the brakes on that idea. And now I'm thinking...

    Do I really want to leave him? Is it that bad really? We could just keep going as we are. Can I end therapy now? It feels like a lot of my negative feelings have been caused by work recently, rather than my home life. I feel like it could be a happy situation, but I've been questioning, etc. for years, so why am I thinking this way?

    I guess it feels like a safe situation when facing the prospect of being unemployed. I really wish we could be happy together. Is it just fear talking?
     
  2. Butterflies85

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    Hey hun, What exactly is the situation at work? Are you going to be jobless because you will leave it you will be fired? Tell me more about what specifically you are struggling with (if you feel comfortable)

    I don’t want to sway you or comment on your marriage except to say this quote:

    “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got”

    And...

    “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    I don't want to go into the details here, but career-wise, it might be better for me in the long-term if I leave soon-ish. Essentially I'm not hitting a lot of the required targets and a fresh start with another employer might be the best thing.

    Thanks, I appreciate what you're saying. One of my colleagues said she couldn't really give me any advice, but that I needed to decide what was more important.
     
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  4. Butterflies85

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    Understandable. I think if you look into your heart you will know the right path. No one can tell you what that is.

    You have to live your life, no one else is living in it, so you have to live with your choices...and you do have choices - always remember that. If you choose to stay married and change your employer that is your choice and your prerogative so embrace all the positivity that comes with that choice. Try and ignore the negatives for now. And vice versa.

    I’m going to leave you with one more quote (just because I’m in that kinda mood :wink:)

    “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.” A.A Milne

    We’ve chatted for a while now Lostindaydreams and I truly think you are all those things!
     
  5. PatrickUK

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    When we're at a crossroads in life, it's often tempting to stick with what we know and what's familiar. It feels safer than going in the opposite direction with all of the unknown's, but we have to ask ourselves if we will be happy with familiarity? Will we even be content with it months down the line?

    Well you've clearly been thinking about leaving for some time and you've gone as far as telling other people that's what you want, so it really does sound you want to leave.
    Is it that bad really? Well, what if we change the word bad for good? Is it that good really? Again, you've told other people that it's not, so you've kind of answered the question.

    It's a big decision to leave a relationship (even if you have already checked out) and big decisions are never easy. When we're facing stress on other fronts it's very tempting to say enough is enough, I'll stick with what I know, but will that stop the questioning and emotional conflict? No, I'm afraid it won't. That's not to say you can't defer for a few months until you sort the work related issues out, but deferral shouldn't mean kicking the longer term problem out of sight.

    Nobody can tell you what to do, but if you take a step back and look at everything you have posted here and on other threads the answers are probably staring back at you. Don't you think?
     
  6. butterfly1

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    Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to take that first step. Kind of like if the weather is bad and you have to be somewhere. You open the door, and the weather hits you. You're like-"This weather really sucks". But you have to get there so you take that first step. Then another step, and another, and another. Before you know it you're at the destination. Then you look back and think- "I went through all that, and got to where I need to be."

    Where one needs to be might have to be the focus. The steps will have to be taken to get there. And the first step is always the hardest. "Should I brave the weather of life? Or just stay home and stay indoors in the comfort that I think I have? It is almost always easy to stay indoors.

    But, if one doesn't brave the weather of life, there is no personal growth. There is no sense of accomplishment. The is no taking a step, then another, and then another. One couldn't say-"I did it".

    On the other hand, if one does take that first step, and then another, and another, then one could say-"I did it". Even if the only one who hears it is one's self. What matters is the bravery of facing the weather, and stepping out the door.

    The door is there. Your hand is on the door knob. What do you do next?

    : )
     
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  7. LostInDaydreams

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    Thank you. I like your description. :slight_smile: I'm going to see how things go workwise over the next few months and then make a decision.
     
  8. butterfly1

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    You go, girl.
     
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