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Started ignoring her and now she's giving me attention...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by love23cali, Mar 10, 2018.

  1. love23cali

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    We used to really get along. She was flirty in the past and we bantered a bit. But for the last several months, things haven't been as great. She would pass by me without saying anything, wouldn't say "bye" on her way out, never texted, never asked about me at all (how I was, what I was up to, etc). She did used to always say she just loved me. I could see that she really liked me. I'm not sure if she was attracted but she did used to call me sexy and would push me playfully or pat my hip or butt. She made some sexual jokes when we first started talking about a year ago. She acted attracted to me. Though she did say often "we need to find you a man"... Sometime after being flirty with me. The last time she said this (smiling as she said it), I had replied "I got a man". She thought I was lying. She stopped smiling and asked "do you?"

    I'm not sure what exactly happened. I didn't go to a game of hers after she invited me a few months ago... I had asked her somewhat jokingly if she was mad I didn't go and was surprised when she said "yeah! you said you were going to come through". I couldn't tell if she was honestly upset about it. I planned on going to another of her games, texted her and she replied "who's this?" I feel like this might have been what sent our relationship back.

    I did recently tell her I went both ways and shortly after became really put off by her. I had it in mind that she was uncomfortable with my sexuality. I thought that's her problem, not mine. I'm done with her'. But now I honestly don't think she has a problem with my sexuality. I always felt that she had to have liked women as well. And this hasn't been the first time I've felt ignored.

    She's been nicer to me than before. She made several efforts to talk and actually to say bye a couple times (I wondered if she saw me post about her). I would give a quick response and walk off. No eye contact. I've done this for weeks. But I said something to her tonight, feeling a little less upset with her, and after that she was trying to talk like we were friends again, and more than that, she was very touchy. Everytime she said something to me, she was touching me all over the back. She acts eager for us to be friends again.

    The thing is, she's done this in the past and I've always given in. I feel put off and act distant from her... then she starts saying things like "I love this girl so much". She doesn't act like it until I start to feel fed up with her.

    She is in a relationship and has a kid with the guy. It doesn't sound like their relationship is too great. I do like her, I do always want to see her, but I don't intend on breaking up their relationship.

    If I start talking with her again, won't she just go back to the way she was before? Is her touching something to think about? Do I talk with her about why I was bothered by her or just act like nothing happened?
     
  2. Wolf123

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    Now this is only my opinion and I could be way off, but this is how I see it being an outsider looking in. She sounds to me likes she is playing games. One minute she is cold and another minute she suddenly is warm to you. Her being in a relationship with another guy is a red flag since if she is doing this she may be doing it for the attention that may be lacking in her relationship; it isn't your job to take care of her. If she keeps doing what you say she is doing she sounds like someone immature and will keep doing it to you solely because she knows you like her. Girls have a feeling when someone likes them and the fact is she knows it and is taking advantage of this fact; therefore she isn't your friend.

    I know it sucks hearing this, but she doesn't deserve you. I know, I know what am I talking about, how would I know? Well it has happened to me several times and unfortunately I never had someone tell me the truth or I didn't understand the truth of what others have told me. If someone wants to be in your life they wont play games with you. She would tell you what was going on rather than going hot and cold.
    I met several women who were the same way with me; it was an easy way for them to get their self esteem boosted even if it meant hurting me. Then I met a girl online she talked to me all the time and it was a strange concept because there wasn't the hot and cold and while the distance screwed it up I still am in contact with her and she is a close friend of mine. With someone who cares about you they will make the time and wouldn't be playing the game. Also, she is in a relationship so if she is acting this way then that's another red flag; doesn't matter how her relationship is with her spouse it is again not your job to make her feel better.

    A bit of truth hurts, however it hurts more to be played.
     
  3. love23cali

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    I don't entirely understand - so she would just want me there to flirt with her and give her attention? I've honestly just been working on being friends (I'd hate to be the reason they broke up); are you saying she is not capable of being friends? She just wouldn't give a fk?

    I've never been so confused.
     
  4. love23cali

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    I should add, she complained in the distant past about me not stopping to say "hi" when I came in. It's possible she is thinking the exact same of me - that I don't want to talk to her or don't respect her. The difference between us is that I *would* ask about her and texted randomly a few times to ask how she was or if she was ok.
     
  5. Wolf123

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    Sounds confusing to me too. I can't give you a definite of how she feels; you just sound alot like I do when I am confused about my relations with a friend. Simply saying I just want to be friends, but don't want to be the reason for their break up contradicts itself. If you were to be friends how would you break them up unless you liked her; as you said. I feel like in a way you want her, but keep saying you don't because if you didn't want her you wouldn't be so worried about every action that has happened in the past. You state how her and her boyfriends relationship isn't going well...... You either do or do not want her and that's what you need decide on. The unfortunate part is deciding if you want to keep stressing yourself out with how she is feeling, her actions or think about how you are really feeling.
    When I read what you write, I read about someone who is confused on what they want. How would it benefit you to have her in your life? Will you continue questioning every move or will you just let things be. Stop.....breathe....and think about yourself. You don't deserve to be stressing about this stuff....what will be will be and the hardest part is making that choice on how you will handle it.
     
    #5 Wolf123, Mar 10, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2018
  6. love23cali

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    I am into her, yes. I'm attracted to her and always want to be around her. I like when she touches me. However, I knew early on that an intimate relationship with her was not going to happen. So yes, I accepted the idea of being friends. My intentions are not to break her and the guy up. I just don't think this friendship thing is going well. She acts disinterested, and then she tries to act like she just loves me and we're great friends when I start to pull away...

    Because I like her, I always give in and give her another chance. This is probably the longest I've gone on being distant with her though.
     
  7. Wolf123

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    I get it, I do. For one, it is extremely difficult to be friends with someone you like; I have tried and my mind questions like you are. A friendship should not stress the hell out of you though. If she is a friend, she comes and goes as she pleases. I know when people are interested if they interact with me. Sometimes, I interact more than them, but then we always do a switharoo. What does your gut say?

    I can tell you my experiences on how I have dealt with the same thing over and over and over again.....It is like a cycle I am still trying to work on. For example, I have been in friendships when I have liked someone alot and unfortunately I start doing the same thing you are doing..... Oh, what is she thinking, hopefully she doesn't assume every action I take shows I like her. Oh no, why this why that..... It gets old because in the end it drives you crazy and it benefits the hell out of her since she is getting the attention.

    I can talk about my experiences and what I see from the outside, however, you are the one who gets to live with this "friend". Have you asked her how she feels about the friendship? I think communication is what will set you free with her.....because I can tell you and someone else can tell you to do one thing or what have you, but again we don't know her. I am just a stranger who has no emotional connection to this girl so.....

    How about this???? If a girl or guy says would you like to go out? The date goes amazing; the communication is amazing etc.....
    Once you are involved with this person who you adore and who gives you the things that you want from someone would you still think about this "friend"? Just imagine.....
     
    #7 Wolf123, Mar 11, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2018
  8. love23cali

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    Actually, if someone else came along, I could devote my attention to them and stop worrying about her. I am attracted to someone else (not available of course) concurrently and when I've interacted recently with that person, I don't think about her at all. If I were with that person (not happening of course), I would be satisfied enough in the intimacy department. I don't see a future with her. But I do like interacting with her and her touching me, etc.