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Coming Out as Lesbian to My Boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Savannahxx, Mar 4, 2018.

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  1. Savannahxx

    Savannahxx
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    I don't know what to do, really. I thought I was bisexual. I've been dating this guy for like a year and a half, and he's a good person, but I'm pretty sure I'm a lesbian now. I don't want him to feel like I was lying to him our whole relationship, and I really care about him and he's one of my best friends. He's kind of obsessed with me and basically adores the ground I walk on, but I don't feel the same way at all, and I don't have sexual feelings for other males either. I'm scared to tell him because I don't want him to think I was lying or using him and I don't want to lose him. I just want him to be okay. What should I do?
     
    #1 Savannahxx, Mar 4, 2018
  2. Chiroptera

    Chiroptera
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    Hello,

    Welcome to EC!

    I'm assuming then you have decided that you want to break up, correct?

    There is no easy way to break up, unfortunately. However, it will become harder and harder if you keep postponing it, so, if you are sure that this relationship isn't working for you, the best thing to do is to end it as soon as possible, especially since you are scared because he could think that you are lying or using him: If you keep avoiding the subject, then it will indeed become a lie and possibly a bigger emotional issue.

    I would be honest with him. Tell him what you just told us. For instance, that he is great, and that you like the time you spent together, but you feel you need experiences with women now, and you think it would be unfair for you to lie to him pretending everything is ok, when it isn't working for you.

    Remember, it is your choice whether you want to go into details, justifying why you are breaking up, or if you want to keep things simple. Personally, i prefer to keep things firm but simple - a break up is hard for both persons involved, and, in the end, it means the same thing: The relationship has come to an end. Talking too much and justifying minor details are only prolonging a difficult conversation, and doesn't serve any purpose. But that's my perspective, some people like to explain everything.
     
    #2 Chiroptera, Mar 5, 2018
    Savannahxx and AmyMouse like this.
  3. AmyMouse

    AmyMouse
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    The advice above is quite solid, and I agree with almost everything.

    I just wanted to add that you seem to be a very empathetic person, and you clearly care about your boyfriend's feelings. However, you need to make sure you are okay too. Breakups are never a fun time, but coming to terms with your sexuality is not the same as lying to someone. So make sure to take care of yourself during this as well. Have an honest conversation with him, but be prepared that he may choose to go his own way. And that's okay. You may be able to be friends down the road, that is what happened with an ex and I. Most importantly - you need to be true to yourself right now. Things can (and will be) brighter on the other side once you are able to lay all your cards on the table. All the best to you.
     
    #3 AmyMouse, Mar 5, 2018
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  4. Savannahxx

    Savannahxx
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    Thank you both for the advice. My family and I talked about what I should do too, and we all agreed that just telling him what I felt was the best thing to do and that I need to be who I am instead of dragging this out. My mother basically said that I either had two options; to break up with him or I would end up dragging it out and marrying a guy I don't want to be in a relationship with. I decided that I'm going to do it on Friday so he can have time to recuperate over the weekend.
     
    #4 Savannahxx, Mar 6, 2018
  5. Hyrule Wayfarer

    Hyrule Wayfarer
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    I found myself in this exact same situation, and the advice already given is good. I would also say that although you may want to remain friends, it might make it very difficult for him to move on. I would try to minimise contact for a few weeks so he doesn't hold onto hope that you will change your mind.
     
    #5 Hyrule Wayfarer, Mar 6, 2018
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