1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Why?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by illbehere, Mar 4, 2018.

  1. illbehere

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2017
    Messages:
    412
    Likes Received:
    56
    Location:
    In my head
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Life is just so stupid.

    Why do we have to do things like times up and the me too movement?

    Why do only people who aren’t cisgender or straight have to come out?

    Why does it sometimes seem like cisgender, straight, white, rich, Christian men matter?

    Why isn’t there equal pay?

    Why is there terrorism?

    Why do young kids have to live in a world where they can be murdered just by going to school?

    Why do girls have to fear for their lives just to get an education?

    Why can’t people understand the word no?

    Why can’t people understand that it’s okay not to be a size two?

    Why can’t people understand that not everyone can have a thigh gap?

    Why can’t people understand that it’s okay not to be okay?

    I’m just so freaking sick of all this. I can’t take it anymore. I’m never going to be that “perfect girl.” The one with the long, gorgeous hair and striking looks. The one with a flat stomach, size two waist and a size gap. The one with big boobs and a big butt but no fat anywhere else. And i hate It. I hate Not being that girl who can become friends with everyone. I hate the feeling of struggling to make small talk. I hate not being able to be smart without being called the teachers pet. I hate Not being comfortable with myself. I hate Smiling to cover up my tears. I hate Folding my arms across my chest to cover up my belly fat or the bruises on my wrist. I hate not fitting in. I hate Always being on the outside. I hate not being able to connect. I hate Being lonely. I hate Feeling guilty for feeling this way. I have an amazing life. I shouldn’t be wasting my life on this. People have it way worse than me and I’m the one crying. I hate feeling everything and nothing at the same time. I hate feeling this weird sort of numbness I hate freaking out when I have to do a social thing I’m not comfortable with. And I hate not being perfect. I hate not being the perfect daughter. I’m a horrible sister. And I want to try and make it better but I can’t. I can’t connect. It’s like I’m constantly trapping myself all the time. I hate it. I hate It all. I can Do this any longer. Im done. I’m sorry for the rant.
     
  2. BiGeek

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2018
    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think you should probably try getting help from a school counselor or a therapist.
     
  3. illbehere

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2017
    Messages:
    412
    Likes Received:
    56
    Location:
    In my head
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I am Currently seeing a therapist. She has sort of diagnosed me with social anxiety but I think I’m more screwed up than that. It’s just all really hard for me.
     
  4. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,359
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm not being critical, but as I read your post, my own mood began to blacken (and I'm completely removed from your situation). The tone of your post is overwhelming focused on negatives and I read the word hate no less than 15 times. Hate is such a toxic word and when we get into a cycle of hating this and hating that and hating ourselves we just sink with it. As I said, it even had an affect on me reading it.

    You can't switch your feelings off like a light and I totally understand that, but you can change the way you talk about things and the language you use. I really would urge you to do that, because you can start to live to negative statements and become what you think. Just look at all of the descriptors you use and how bad they are.

    You posted some really good hints and tips to another member in this thread:
    https://forum.emptyclosets.com/index.php?threads/update.468543/

    Do you think your own advice was good?

    When we are struggling, it's easy to focus on negatives and lose hope and confidence. We can easily get sucked in to rut where nothing seems good or worthwhile, but if your advice was good for someone else (and I think it was), it's also good for you.
     
  5. AmyMouse

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2017
    Messages:
    67
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Connecticut
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    The world can be on fire, but you are still entitled to your feelings. You clearly feel deeply for others and their suffering. Balancing empathy, frustrations with ugliness in the world around us and our mental well being can be tricky. I would keep talking it through with your therapist. I understand your want to vent all the things you hate, but you should try and make a little room in there for things you like (and even love!) about yourself. Positive self-talk can be really life changing. I know when I started trying it, it made me feel so awkward and I struggled to find things I liked about myself. It takes work, but I am willing to bet you have the drive in you. Remind yourself daily that your feelings are valid, no matter what is going on in the world. Also, try to say at least two kind things to yourself (to start.) This is just my own advice, and it comes from feeling a similar way you do. Your therapist can be an integral part of getting everything to fit in place. Also - no need to apologize for venting. It's okay. Sometimes it feels good to just say these things out loud or write them down - when they are occupying space in our heads. Just remember that giving yourself self love isn't a selfish act.
     
  6. illbehere

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2017
    Messages:
    412
    Likes Received:
    56
    Location:
    In my head
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Aw I’m so sorry. I never Meant to do that to you. Here’s a little duckling to make it all better. I’m really sorry if you don’t like ducks AE19F316-0B29-4D5B-9D6F-65D50D173AFB.jpeg
    Anyways, i honestly don’t know what happened to me when I wrote this. When I’m in a bad place, all these feelings are amplified by like 100. I don’t usual look at the world like that. And if I’m in a good mood and I’m happy, I’m one of the least negative people you’ll know.

    As for taking my own advice, most of it i have tried. And I’m sick of it failing. I told them all those things because maybe I’m just broken and it will work on them.

    I’m really sorry i made You feel that way. And to anyone who read this thread, I’m really, really sorry if i made you sad or upset in any way, shape or form. That was never my intention.
     
  7. illbehere

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2017
    Messages:
    412
    Likes Received:
    56
    Location:
    In my head
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank you. I’m sorry if i ruined your mood as well. I’ll try to do that. Maybe it will be the one thing that will work for me. As for this being what is going on in the world, true. But why can’t we do anything about it. Why do we just sit back and watch it happen? I’m sorry if that came off as rude. I don’t know why but I usually can’t tell if something I say is rude. But thank you so much for your advice.
     
  8. PatrickUK

    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,359
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You don't need to apologise. I just know that negative statements have an impact, and if I felt it, I'm certain it must be the case for you.

    Chances are, you are not broken, but just find yourself in a difficult cycle where nothing seems right. Just be careful not to exacerbate all of that negativity with harmful language. Don't underestimate the power of words.

    It's good that you have a therapist and the more open you can be with her, the better.
     
  9. illbehere

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2017
    Messages:
    412
    Likes Received:
    56
    Location:
    In my head
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Okay. I’m sorry for using such harmful words. I’ll try to do better next time. Thanks.
     
  10. Flynn S

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 22, 2017
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    84
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Negativity is bad, of course, and I'm assuming you have answers to most if not all of these questions. But one of the most important things we seem to have forgotten in society is asking ourselves these questions, because their answers tend to be quite obvious, and yet, for some reason, they still exist. Now, merely because their subject matter makes us unhappy or uncomfortable is not a reason not to talk about them.

    [Warning: there might be (by which I mean there is) more negativity below, read at your own risk.]

    Because patriarchal tendencies still exist from the development of the western world a long, long time ago.

    Because heteronormativity has created a binary of correct and deviant behavior, and cisgender and straight, as we have been told, fall within the former category.

    Because a long, long time ago they held all the power in society. Oh wait, maybe it wasn't that long ago...

    Because some people still believe there isn't equal work.

    Because humanity doesn't get along. Who knew trying to force people into cultural assimilation would make them angry?

    Because the United States maintains its centuries old gun culture.

    Because those that 'let' them get an education still think they've been duped into it.

    Because "no" never came to them with any consequences.

    Because societal expectations of beauty switched somewhere in the twentieth century to prefer thinner figures. I think this one might be starting to change, however.

    Same as above.

    Because people aren't very good at imagining themselves in other people's shoes. You don't know how you'll react to a situation until it happens to you.

    Now I think most people on these forums know the answers to these questions as well, and perhaps even ask themselves the same things. Instead of preaching to the choir, which as much as it might rile up support, you should address these questions to the politicians who govern your country and to the society who runs it.

    Why do you suppose the Parkland kids have built up so much support for their cause? Because they organized and called for action. How many schools do you think have already held protests? Why are colleges sending around letters assuring seniors they won't be reprimanded for protesting? Why are businesses boycotting the NRA? Even Rubio is beginning to change his stance on gun reform.

    So, you aren't happy with the way the world looks. If you want something to change, you've got to change something to get it.
     
  11. illbehere

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 18, 2017
    Messages:
    412
    Likes Received:
    56
    Location:
    In my head
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    true true