Being in a position with no friends, I have to wonder if it is because I am gay and am more feminine than masculine in nature. I'm not particularly flamboyant either. I have became very introverted over the years, partially due to being a bit of an outcast. I don't want to be like that though. I would make any effort to befriend any LGBT person at my school (provided they were nice people), and will make an effort once out of school, but I will probably avoid straight men. I've had too many negative experiences in the past with "lads", and I get the impression that a lot of straight men don't really like gay men, particularly not feminine acting ones. I can't be that gay guy whose friends are all straight girls either. I don't mind having a few, but I am still not a female and cannot completely relate to them, not to mention that it would get overbearing. Hopefully in the future, I will be able to make more friends like me. Do you think that it is harder given my position, or is it tough for many LGBT people, particularly at my age?
I know how you feel as i feel the same. I am neither masculine or feminine and believe these labels are silly oppressive social constructs to pigeon hole people. I do think it is a gay thing because i tend to get on better with straight men and women. Its made me question at times whether i am gay at all because i just don't relate to the gay community. I have found from personal experience unless you look a certain way gay men are not friendly or open to getting to know you. However i think its probably where i have been going i.e bars and using ######. Could you try using Meetup to meet like minded people with similar interests?
Shame to hear that some gay men can be a bit unresponsive to different types of people, but being my age, I will probably join the LGBT society at university. That probably makes for a perfect environment to make gay friends. There are certain types of people who I would avoid being friends with (definitely blokeish, lad type straight guys). I'm not sure that I will even try to make straight male friends at university. I don't think that a gay/straight friendship would work, especially if we are talking about stereotypes, which are sort of true in my situation. I am cautious of using any online apps to meet people though. You never actually know who you are meeting.
Really depends on your environment. I hate to get overly political but if your in an area that's more liberal you're probably going to find people are more accepting. Even without that though, there are people who don't really care about that stuff, trust me. I guess I can't give too much advice as I'm not exactly the social butterfly type either but just keep doing what you're doing.
being friends with straight guys indeed seems to be a hard thing to achieve ._. some of them seem to think you're going to hit on them.
I don' know your age..but me as closet and not out to self till in 30s I have mainly str8 friends. I have come out in last 3 years to 98 percent of close ppl and all appear ok with it...i guess t depends where you live..your comfort .etc
I'm just me. My friends are a mix of gender and sexual orientations. I think my interests are broad enough that i can make friends with different types of people. I don't make being gay the main part of how I present myself socially but to know me is to know that I'm gay (outside of a work context)
I've actually been told that people like me more since coming out because I'm not so uptight and reserve and more willing to have fun. I don't have tons of friends, like 5 max, and they are all girls. I'm just a typical level of masculine and don't find it overbearing or alienating. All the straight guys I've interacted with seem chill with my being gay.
To be honest, joe2001, its hard for me too. I mean I'm also Transgender, Adopted, and have depression(and gay). It will get better and you will find that one person that will change your life forever. Just believe and trust time. It might not happen right away but you will find the type of friends you want.
Some people aren’t going to accept you for being gay. I’m sure I will have people that don’t accept me after I come out as bisexual. Sorry, but it’s the truth.
My total circle of friends spans gender, orientation, nationality, religious background... you name it. Only a couple I'm relatively close to. My closest friend has passed away from cancer in Dec. 2017, so it's been a period of getting used to not having him around. The friends I've obtained seem to be through other people that I've hung out with, or currently hang out with. Though I'm always down to meet new friends and chat, there's just a few things I'm finding that block me from that: - It seems whomever is talking me up just wants to sleep with me. - In some social situations, I've just been gawked at, like a piece of meat, or a circus act. - The other person and I just don't develop any type of connection. Being Gay and meeting people has it's set of challenges. If it weren't for my close friend and his mentoring me to whom I am today, I wouldn't have any idea of those who I want in my life vs. not. I'm not promiscuous, I'm not a model, my body is not "perfect", nor is anything else. I am just me. I consider myself the "epitome of complexity" because most don't seem to get who I am about. Some days I revel in that, others it frustrates me. Though at the same time, I have been leaning more towards focusing on the people currently in my life, and leaving it at that, on top of just doing me and getting my life off the plateau it has been on for some time.
It is definitely way harder to do when you are younger and in high school. I would say almost impossible mainly because you have a very small pool of people that you are forced to interact with. Why not? Other than straight girls not being able to relate to certain aspects of coming out, finding a boyfriend, etc. Why not have all your friends be girls if they are good friends? If your worry is that your girl friends will be like the movies and treat you as a stereotype, then just make sure to get good friends who won't do that. I think part of the reason why a lot of LGBT people have a hard time finding friends is because there is no one to teach us how to do it. People always seem to go to LGBT spaces like "oh those LGBT people" and always coming from the viewpoint of what other LGBT people should do, say and act in order to make other people comfortable. Rarely is the conversation about how we can have an impact on our local LGBT spaces. So with that being said, yes join your lgbt society at your university. Be there and start thinking "how can I make sure other LGBT kids will feel welcomed and included? "Then do that. This will allow you to take care of others, start a culture of people taking care of each other, and it will in turn attract friends to you.
Hopefully things will get better after high school. As for the friendships with girls, I know many want a gay friend, but I don't believe that I would cut it for them. Also, girls can be hard work and often have a lot of emotional issues compared to guys (particularly as teenagers) which I just don't really want to be part of. I don't mind having a few female friends, but all female friends would just be overbearing and I would feel like the odd one out.
It seems to be a stereotype that all gay guys only have friends who are straight girls. I don't get it. I wasn't really made to feel welcome trying to only be friends with girls in primary school, and haven't had any female friends since.
Are these friends gay or straight? Personally, I would love to make gay male friends, but the way that most straight men act (at least Scottish ones) puts me off being friends with them.
I have a suspicion one of them might be gay because of the way he acts and the fact that he hasn't had a girlfriend since high school, I'm pretty sure the other one is straight.
It is kind of hard for me too kind of. Right now most my friends are girls(Barely) because of me in the state of just now being open to everyone but my family and it is kind of hard to make friends because i am gay and their are not many gay people in the freshman class at my school . Also most of the guys at my school are very homophobic so they don't really like me. Also my mothers homophobic as hell so i can't talk to her and my dad is somewhere far away from me so I know how it feels to not be understood and it kind of feels kike i have no friends deep down inside so i just watch TV and listen to music and rely on Lady Gaga and Madonna to cheer me up and Kurt Hummel and Andi mack for comedy relief.
