i feel quite frustrated. im 27 never dated and today i was talking to my T about setting myself goals and as an example she said "get a date in the next 2 years". I felt automatically very sad because i already find it very difficult to live feeling so lonely and it made me feel like im not ready to date. to add to this i always find myself attracted to girls who are not compatible (straight, etc.) and its very frustrating so i would love to hear any advice as i have the feeling i am waiting long enough but at the same time i dont have any options to date as i dont find LGBT girls ive met attractive.. thanks!!
The one thing that is hard to learn is that attraction is not created in a vacuum. Our subconscious is far more in control of what and who we find attractive than we realize. The good news is that you are able to control it if you take time to examine what is happening. And yes, this is not some pseudo science. There are various studies that you can look up that show that who we find attractive is 1) predictable 2) highly dependent exterior factors. I would invite you to start looking and examining this statement more. Usually when an LGBT person says that they are only attracted to straight people or only "seem" to fall in love with straight people, then that usually means that there is some internalhomphobia going on or self sabotage. From just reading this very short paragraph (so take that for what it is) it seems that you not being attracted to any lgbt person is used as a copout to not have to date since you don't feel like you are ready for it. If you don't find anyone lgbt attractive, then you don't have to date right? So start by examining, which sounds like you might be working on it, why you don't think you are ready to date yet. The more you explore it and push yourself in that regard, you might find that you will start crushing on some lgbt people. The other thing that I suggest is to stop focusing on finding a partner. How many good lgbt friends do you have? If the answer is none or I would like more, then focus on that. Its going to be harder to date an lgbt person before you can even befriend and lgbt person.
thanks!! i feel quite trapped right now because i see all LGBT woman falling into a stereotype im not attracted to and its very frustrating...do you have any recommended reads on attraction it sounded quite interesting what you wrote and it might help me see myself better! thanks!!
I"m 25yrs old, almost never dated anyone. I only had two short straight relationships with girls in HS, but never really had the social confidence or the means to date actively before. Only now do I have the independent freedom of a job, a car, and general comfort and confidence with who I am to feel "ready" to date. Without any of those, I would probably still be hesitant to even try. I've never personally been so attracted to someone I knew that it made it difficult to not be with them, especially when I was still into women. But I sympathize with the struggle. I have a friend who's gay who also deals with that from time to time, having no way to gauge whether the guys he meets are gay or not.
