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I just like... really want a boyfriend

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by dyl pickle, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. dyl pickle

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    It sounds so stupid, honestly I'm embarrassed that this is something I think about so much, but I really want a boyfriend, and it sucks. I'm a trans guy who's not fully out, I mean I'd tell someone if they asked, but I'm not able to be fully out in school because of my parents.

    Therefore, everyone just thinks I'm a lesbian (lol) and even if I were to date a guy, I'd have to be honest and tell him I'm a guy and no guy in high school is just casually going to be fine letting people know he's gay, if there even are any gay/bi/whatever guys at my school. It's so stupid and I don't really know why it makes me sad, but I feel like I'll honestly never date someone (not over the internet) until I'm in my 20's or something.

    Does/did anyone else ever feel this way? :joy: I really do feel so weird admitting that this is something that bothers me. Obviously, it's one of the least of my problems, but you know.

    Sorry for this weird, pointless post, I guess I'm just curious if anyone has advice/similar experiences, haha.
     
  2. Pizza Pie

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    :relaxed: I don’t think it was a pointless post!

    Personally I’m a cis guy who is very questioning and confused, but recently I also had that moment of clarity and thought, “Oh wow I think I just want a boyfriend.” Like pretty much the title of your post was the thought that popped into my head.

    But I would also daydream and think about it a lot. I would be somewhere fun on a trip or at a nice dinner with my parents, sister and her bf, and I would imagine how nice it would be if I was there with a boyfriend who’s my exact type. So I guess I’m just saying that you don’t have to be embarrassed about how much you think about wanting a boyfriend because I totally have done that.

    I wish I could be more helpful beyond “I feel your pain” but there ya go
     
  3. johndeere3020

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    From and older perspective, sometimes what you want at this moment in your life doesn't happen for reasons not seen by you. I know it is hard to see others date and your alone, and you feel like you will be alone forever, but that will not be the case. YOUR love will come when the time is right for you.

    Hang in there!
    Dean
     
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  4. Humbly Me

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    I am a living contradiction to the "no guy in highschool will casually let people know he is gay" statement now, and it made my life a lot better. Though of course how open you can safely be depends on where you live.
     
  5. dyl pickle

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    Thanks everyone for helping me feel less weird about it lol
     
  6. dyl pickle

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    Yeah, I should've said "at my school". I live in north Jersey, really close to NYC, so honestly everyone here is generally liberal, but the guys are still very protective of their masculinity. I just can't wait until everyone decides to be mature and be themselves :/
     
  7. Humbly Me

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    Honestly why is being gay considered non-masculine. Isn't it more masculine because you are attracted to males. And male and masculine come from the same stem...
     
  8. Niagara

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    It's because of the way really old religious texts were written. They mention things like getting penetrated being the place of a woman because it pleases her husband etc. so since many people think all gay men enjoy being the bottom and getting penetrated, they equate it with a woman being penetrated, which makes gay men appear to be in a "woman's place" making them appear non-masculine.
     
  9. Humbly Me

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    That seems like an awful lot of mental gymnastics to justify something, normally if it isn't true by some non-equivocal proof then it is inaccurate, not that the general population seems to care.
     
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  10. dyl pickle

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    I agree, trust me I don't agree with the stereotype that being gay lessens your masculinity, I hate when people say that. It's just for some reason a common belief among a lot of people, sadly.
     
  11. mask1985

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    I'm looking too, I know this doesn't help much but you are far from being alone.
     
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  12. johndeere3020

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    Remember guys, a guy can be the utmost masculine on the outside and at the same time gay. I am just a typical country guy who likes hunting, fishing and working on old tractors.... As you get older you will see that everything is not always as you perceive it to be.

    Dean
     
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  13. MisterMissy

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    I'm 25 now, and I've had almost no real dating experience.
    My desire for a girlfriend back in the day was intense. It was something that nagged at me day and night, something I would fantasize about every morning and every evening. I only ever had 2 girlfriends. One in Freshman year HS that lasted 3 weeks, and one in Sophomore year that lasted 2 months. Both weren't the best for me, nor I them. More than anything, the relationships were just plain awkward. As it so happens, both of them are (I hope) happily married.

    By the time I hit college when I was 19, my burning desires subsided, and I just went along with life taking care of my obligations and pursuing my artistic passions. Since then I've never let my loneliness bother me much. Once I came out as Bisexual this time last year, the strong desire for a partner came back, but now it was all about getting a guy rather than a girl. So I fantasize regularly and have really nice daydreams again, but still no man in my life.

    Does this bother me? Sort of. It's really no different than the last 8 or so years of my life. I'm used to it by this point. But I don't let that get to me, make me feel depressed, or make me feel embarrassed. Why should I? My life has other problems that I'm working through, and for all intents and purposes, I'm doing just fine. I'm proud and confident in who I am and how my life is going.

    Which is a big deal, because now it's not about me making myself attractive to any ole guy to get me a boyfriend, it's about me making myself look pretty for myself. And if the right guy comes along and likes what he sees, then he is worth getting to know better. The entire idea of "settling" makes me cringe and hurt inside. I'd rather be with someone who truly makes me happy and are themselves a beautiful person, or not even bother in the first place, because going solo is far more preferable than the 3rd alternative.

    However, I should stress that it helps considerably if you have a hobby or creative activity to occupy your mind.
     
  14. Humbly Me

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    Also searching for a special guy. And umm. Despite an insane amount of effort I have only accomplished learning the names of 8 hot guys who have girlfriends and are therefore definitely not available. I made some more friends as a consequence.... which I guess is a benefit.
     
  15. dyl pickle

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    yeah I know the feeling :/ shortly after posting this actually, I got asked out, but turned him down in a state of panic and set him up with my best friend. um, oops. but they're extremely happy and that makes me extremely happy, so I'm okay with it - I think he's better as my best friend anyway.
     
  16. Lucaswalsh

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    I'm glad I read this. I didn't read everything. I read the first sentence and I realized that there are more people out there like me.
     
  17. dyl pickle

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    Glad I could help in some way haha :slight_smile:
     
  18. kenn

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    I've been thinking about having a boyfriend for awhile now, since my last bf broke up with me I've missed having someone to be with, not even in a sexual way, just having someone to talk with. I really hope both you and I meet a nice guy soon.
     
    #18 kenn, Mar 4, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 4, 2018
  19. dyl pickle

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    and you : )
     
    #19 dyl pickle, Mar 5, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2018