Any time I try to not look cis I get severe anxiety from the idea that people could be staring at me. I have social anxiety, but it usually doesn't effect me as severely as it does when I'm trying to break away from femininity. In private spaces, not appearing feminine feels great! As soon as I go into public spaces, I get immensely anxious, and sometimes dysphoric. I know that I am not cis and I have accepted it, and I also know that the way I am presenting is comfortable for me in consideration of myself. Does anyone else have issues with only being particularly anxious or dysphoric when trying to pass?
Are you trying to pass as male or GNC (non-conforming)? What's making you so anxious? How people will see you? I feel the same way in a sense that, when I go out, I don't know if people will gender me as male or female and that gives me a lot of anxiety. However, people generally don't care what another person wears, and are mostly just concerned with themselves. If you feel confident in what you wear and how you present it shouldn't matter what others think.
I don't know what I'm trying to pass as, to be quite honest. My expression varies, depending. I don't know why I get so anxious about it. Fundamentally, I know I shouldn't care, but a lot of the time I choose to conform to my assigned gender, and whenever I don't, I can't help but feel like everyone is staring at me.
I totally get it. I feel the same way. Like I'm on display, or someone's going to out me. Why not start small, and gradually work your way up to a place when you feel comfortable? Start by doing something subtle, and gradually change or add more things when you feel conquered the last.
I understand how that could be helpful, but I'll never be able to take part in a full-time transition because of certain circumstances beyond my control. I don't ever plan to present as a trans person on a daily basis, but on the occasions that I do, I tend to have problems with being comfortable. My point is that the ideal of gradual presentation works a lot better if I plan on fully presenting as a certain thing all the time, which is impossible for me, and I don't know how to go about being comfortable in public on the days I'd prefer to be strictly unfeminine.
Honestly, I'd say it's just confidence. Whether you want to present more masc. or fem. or in-between, I'd say just own it. I think if you do it for a while also, it will help your confidence as well. Do you have a few friends you've told that might help give you some more confidence when you go out when your presentation changes? It might help to have a little support group that will help you feel not so alone.
Not really. I have a hard time making friends, no one really spends a lot of time with me, and no one I know in person knows that I'm agender, and I don't even know if I'm ready to directly come out to people at this stage.
Fair enough. Again, I think gradual changes might be best. Though, that's not saying you have to keep progressing with those changes. You can always go back and present as fem. at any time. I just think if you gradually go to the non-conforming side, it'll be less nerve-wracking to go back and forth whenever your presentation changes.
I appreciate your advice, even though it may seem impossible to accomplish at this time, so thank you very much.
I felt the same anxiety every time I moved the bar to "more masculine". It went away with habit, or repeating to myself at first: "Nobody will judge you, at most you look lesbian"; because I hated being misgendered, but at the same time being visibly trans or "with trans vibe" was an uncomfortable exposure of a really personal, intimate part of me.
For me, it's more that when I am attempting to pass, and people read me as my assigned gender, but they notice expressions that don't align with the assigned gender, then I get really anxious. Like I just got new underwear that are for men, and I really feel comfortable in them and such, but I am afraid of other people noticing it and then judging me for this because I don't look male... Like I felt that when I was eating lunch today. That was awful. But I just say for me is that people worry about themselves more than others, and it's better to make yourself comfortable with yourself than to appeal others by looking how they want you to look. I have social anxiety too, so I understand this.
