I know I'm treading the same ground as I did almost a year ago, but I'll try to tackle the issue at a different angle this time. Recently, I came out to my roommates. They ended up being more supportive than I thought they'd be; I was expecting them to ask questions or to give an "oh, okay," not to offer to be a wingman or to give platitudes about finding love and all that jazz (usually it's family or family friends who do that, not my friends). One of the platitudes I was given was how one of my roommates (who works as a care aid in a seniors' health facility) witnessed new love blossom at old age all the time, and that even if it takes a lifetime for love to happen, I can still experience it in my life. It's nice and all, except I've already conceded some time ago that I am indeed destined to live and die without experiencing affection of any kind; I've given up on online dating (again), networking with other people in person makes me anxious (the dating pool in the town I live in is full of people I have little interest in anyway), and I'm certain that my roommates aren't going to find someone I might get along with, let alone love and be loved by (assuming they are indeed searching for eligible guys as they said they would). I'm considering making a promise to myself that if I don't get married by the time I'm 50 (among other factors in life), I'm going to join a monastery and live the rest of my life as a monk. Of course, I'm not planning on telling other people that on account that it would sound ridiculous. What I want to tell other people, however, is that I already have a good idea of what my fate is going to be and that there's little anyone (least of all myself) can do to change it. Before anyone asks, I am keeping myself open to the possibility of finding a suitable husband; what I'm trying to say here is that the possibility is slim, and that I am (too) self-aware of my chances to keep my hopes up anymore. My question is as follows: if the people closest to me try to give words of encouragement about me finding love and whatever, what would be the best way (as in the least rude/cynical/depressing way) to tell them that it's not going to happen?
Try not to completely shut them down because none of you know what's really going to happen. You might meet a nice guy tomorrow, or next month, or next year. You could counter that you are doing fine being single, which means doing the hard work of actually being happily single (i.e. cultivating platonic friendships, pursuing your own hobbies/activities whenever and wherever you want, etc.). Also, have you tried going to bigger cities where you might find more potential guys?
This!! If you think you are going to be single forever (doubt it truly, but not the point) then go all into that feeling. Focus your energy on creating the best single life that you want. Create beautiful friendships, go on vacation with other friends, build memories of companionship with other people. I am a believer that you don't need a partner to be happy, but I do know this society will make it harder to be single because of how things are set up. So you have to be creative and intentional on how to combat that. Back to your question. I would first investigate why people are feeling is okay to even give you encouragement about this. If its because you bring it up then you might want to stop talking about it so you don't invite unwanted help. If its because its completely random, then just say "I appreciate you saying that, but finding a partner is just not a priority for me right now"
Sorry to take so long to respond; life got in the way. As I've said, I don't intend on shutting anyone down; if I happen to find a guy I like, and vice-versa, then I'd be open to having a romantic relationship with him. What I am trying to say is that such chances of that happening for me are next to none, I'm trying to come to terms with that, and that if in the future I have to leave it all behind to find a way to live a life of solitary peace, I'll do so. I already live in the provincial capital; the only town larger than this is at least two hours away (most of it by ferry), and it's one of the most expensive places to live in my country. Even if I have better chances there, I don't find it the most pragmatic approach. That's good advice. I also find that society makes it hard for people who are lonely in general; I don't have many friends (or at least acquaintances who contact me often enough), so I'm generally by myself all the time. That said, I do find ways of keeping myself busy to (hopefully) make my life fulfilling. I'm pretty tight-lipped about my relationship status; if I say anything, it's usually in because someone else asks. And thank you for sharing that response idea; it's clear and it gets the point across pretty well.
