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Not sure what to think - friends or more?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by TreeTurtle137, Feb 23, 2018.

  1. TreeTurtle137

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    Would love to know what anyone here thinks about this. I am so confused.

    A friend of mine, I had a huge crush on her. It was intense and went on for years and years. We had a HUGE falling out and she told me I think twice that we wouldn't be together (she's "straight" if you know what I mean!)

    So anyway, we are now friends. I see her occasionally. Things have mellowed out.

    And then, this Feb 14, who sends me a Valentine's day card? Oh just her!!! The card says she loves me. It was a lovely card too.

    I wrote back something cute and jokey because I thought, surely not??? But I am now thinking about it wondering what the hell?

    How would you interpret this? I am just so unsure what to think.

    Thank you friends :slight_smile:
     
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  2. silverhalo

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    Hey, that's a tricky situation to read, in the past did she ever send you a valentines card?

    What do you mean by she said you think twice you wouldn't need be together?

    When you hang out with her is it just usually you and her or is it with a group?
     
  3. Ardee

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    I'd ask her straight up what it meant. Don't wonder if you don’t have to,
     
  4. TreeTurtle137

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    thank you both for your responses. I agree Ardee, I should just be straight up. I am afraid though.

    Silverhalo, in answer to your questions: no, she has never sent me a valentine's day card before. in the past she has said to me twice that we wouldn't be together romantically, so i let go of hope (a lot of it anyway). We mostly just hang out alone, not in a group. When we're in a group situation, we rarely interact. People wouldn't know we're friends from how we act when around other people, tbh. When away from the group, we make plans by email and text to hang out. Then we meet and do things just the two of us. Probably about 1-2 times a month (mostly I feel because I don't initiate much anymore).
     
    #4 TreeTurtle137, Feb 24, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2018
  5. TreeTurtle137

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    I was thinking more about what I have written here. I am not going to approach her. Too much water under the bridge. At this point, she would need to come right out and say to me, I have feelings.

    I really posted just to know what anyone else thinks of this. I can't discuss it with any of my friends bc they know her and it would be too revealing of her.

    For the first week after V day, I didn't think about it at all, and then I started to think OMG, I can't believe that happened. I just need other people's perspectives bc I don't really know what is and isn't appropriate on V day.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    I think that's probably a great way to look at it. I think it could well mean she has some underlying feelings but as you say it would really need her to be clearer about things before you could do anything about it.
    I mean there are friends that send each other Valentine's Day cards but if she never has before that would make that seem like a strange thing for her to do.
     
  7. TreeTurtle137

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    Thanks for the feedback :slight_smile:

    That's what I thought about the V day thing - some friends do that. But in the many years I've known her we've never done that.
    Life is so strange and I guess not everything is always clear. This certainly isn't and has never been!
     
  8. silverhalo

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    I mean only she knows for sure but maybe the reason she always feels as though she needs to tell you that the 2 of you will never happen romantically is because internally she is fighting it. She knows you like women right?
     
  9. TreeTurtle137

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    Oh yeah, she knows. I told her before I became close to her that I had feelings. Ugh that was so long ago now. But she has to-and-fro'd for sure. I have pretty much (85%) given up. But obviously when something like this happens it's a bit shocking! Lol.
     
  10. silverhalo

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    Yeah I absolutely get it, I suppose it's kind of a watch this space without getting too hopeful that something will change situation.
     
  11. TreeTurtle137

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    It's actually not even a watch this space. It's been confusion the whole time. There's no watch this space for me. Just a question of how I keep letting go. 15% left to let go. It's not been possible to just cut her out of my life. She is in my life/my world too significantly. I'd literally have to move countries to not see her again. So that last 15 percent is hard. I tried N.C. and it's like avoiding a family member permanently. Sometimes that can't work. I will get there though. No choice but to at this stage. :slight_smile:
     
  12. silverhalo

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    Yeah that can be tricky. Have you been dating other people?
     
  13. Ardee

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    This is going to torture you. Please ask her what it was about and tell her she's giving you hope. For your own self you need to know. xo