Hi all, this is my first post. I am a 33 year old man who has spend the last 15 years as a celibate Catholic Religious Brother. How of celibacy and all. I left that life because I realized I wanted to date and date men. I feel like I have spent all this time hiding and if I lived my life differently I would already have come out. I originally came out as bisexual, but that still feels like I'm hiding. I've only told one friend that I am gay so far and honestly coming fully out scares the shit out of me. Any advice or encouragement would be awesome. Thanks in advance. Nick
Hey there! Posting on here is an excellent first step -- go you!! It's a process -- and it *is* scary. All I can say from my own experience is that you'll know when the time is right.
Coming out is a process and it begins with baby steps, until the point where we come out to ourselves. Once we've done that, we've actually crossed the biggest hurdle of all, because coming out to ourselves is infinitely harder than telling other people. Just think about all of the years of frustration, denial, bargaining, questioning and anger we go through. Just think about all of the mental strain we take on board and carry around with us every single day. Now that's really hard! It is daunting telling the truth, but the truth will set you free and that's what every LGBT person really wants - freedom. The freedom to be ourselves and live with authenticity. Fear keeps us in the closet, so it might be worthwhile looking at your own fears. What are they? Are they reasonable fears or are you building them up in your own mind? Sometimes, we need to feel the fear and do it anyway because the more we shy away from confronting fear, the more strength it gains. Face it down and the strength comes back to us. Posting on here is a good start. You've told your truth to everyone here and now we can support you as you take the next steps. You may not tell other people tomorrow, next week or next month, but when you do we can be here for you. Having friends and allies, is important.
Try just telling a couple people youre closest to, and see their reaction. When I came out, I had a mental list of people, divided into 3 catagories: people who i knew would be cool about it, people i wasnt sure about, and people I knew would be likely to have an issue with it. Take care of all the people who know will be supportive, because that support will carry you through when you start getting to the people you REALLY don't feel like telling. The biggest surprise I experienced when I came out was the moment I realized that (in a good way) the vast majority of people simply don't care. This moment may be huge for you, but our minds build it up into more than it really is. Best of luck. You'll be glad you did it, once it's done.
Nick, It seems that you and I have similar stories, were around the same age, and come from religious backgrounds and are having a hard time with coming out. I wish had more advice for you, all I can say is I get it and I feel your pain. If you ever want to vent or compare notes feel free to give me a shout.
Depending on your situation. I was privileged to be in a situation where most I knew didn't care a whole/it didn't change their perception too much but some people who are religious don't have that reaction
