Well I have came to a point where I realize I need help I have admitted I am “not straight” What that means is unclear. I keep going through a reading every label imaginable, labeling and relabeling, out then back In, etc. People close to me say I should talk to a therapist. I have done my research and found someone I think may work. However I am reluctant to make the call. Any thoughts on therapy as it relates to sexual orientation or identity? How has therapy help you? Any advice to push me into seeking help?
I suppose it really depends on how much being "not straight" actually concerns you, for example is it adversely affecting you mental/physical health? Labels are OK if you think it will help you describe yourself to others but they do have limitations, particularly if your sexuality is somewhat fluid. As for identity it is unique to you at any given moment so just being "you" is really all you need. Sorry I can't help with or recommend therapy, but if it is any help I suspect many more people are in the same situation as you but unlike some of them you have taken the first step of acknowledging your difference and that is a good start.
Therapy can be very useful in helping us to negotiate complex and confused feelings. The process of talking freely and openly and receiving feedback can bring a lot more clarity. It's not always easy, but if you put in the effort, therapy can be worthwhile and life changing. One bit of advice I would offer is to focus on labels that are widely accepted, properly understood and fully researched - in other words straight, gay, bisexual. Reading every label imaginable will not help you at all. The internet is a sea of confusion when it comes to other labels, most of which are based on group think, rather than sound knowledge or evidence.
I am not a therapy type of guy. I think your indecision is normal. Most people have a tendency oneway and a warm thought about another thought process. I had been straight until I had an experience with a older friend. We played with each other until I went to college. It was all on the down low and I continued to date girls. I was confused but as a horny 18 yr old, orgasms were fun from whatever source. I went to college and fully established myself as a happy heterosexual. Came home for the summer and we played together again. I realized I liked both. One was my public persona the other was my private one. No one got hurt an I became comfortable with that set up I still enjoy playing with a guy now and then. I was troubled a few times as a teenage and later realized I had the ability to enjoy sex with both sexes and it was OK. Good luck. PS - I think therapist can be helpful but I have a few friends that never resolved anything but did put the therapist's kids thru college. Just sayin'
I wouldn’t consider myself a therapy guy either. However my actions did hurt people I love deeply, which hurt me deeply. I am hoping talking it out is as good as everyone says it is. Thanks for your time.
Good therapy is all about having a good therapeutic connection with your therapist, and sometimes it takes 2 or 3 or 4 therapists to find the right one for you. Everyone is different, and no two therapists do things the same way, so finding one who "gets you" and whom you feel like you can trust is crucial. Also, a good therapist won't just let you coast... s/he will ask tough questions, make you think, make you uncomfortable, because it's at the edges of "uncomfortable" that we grow. If you are so inclined, you could start talking about what's confusing you here at EC, as it will be a good 'jumping off point' to kind of get you thinking and ready to talk to a therapist.
Thank you Chip, those points all make sense to me. Like you said it will be a lot of work and uncomfortable at that but in the end a growing experience. I think it would be nice to try and compose my thoughts in a more anonymous setting.
