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slowly coming to realization

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by AriKari, Feb 18, 2018.

  1. AriKari

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2016
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Though I'm still not clear about why I feel this way, I'm just about ready to start actually experimenting with my gender. I don't want to tell anyone else before I tell my mom. She'll be back in town at the end of march so then I can finally sit down and talk to her about this. She's my very best friend and she's never not supported me the best she could, so I think it's time I at least tell her what's going on. I can't keep living the way I've been living. I've been wearing a bra and cami for the last 4 or 5 days. I just got a cardigan and cute top with an owl outlined in gold. (All in black so I can hide my shoulders somewhat.) I continue wearing these clothes around the house. They make me feel a bit more comfortable, and I'm getting used to and really liking the idea of breasts. I've been unsure about all of this, again, for a while, and now I'm back in girl mode, although not publicly. Coming out over and over is terrifying, and I'm at a new job as of 2 months ago. Been a bit confused on my sexuality which I keep relating to my gender, which I think is slightly justified given hormones and all that jazz, as well as my own personal situation. I think I'm closer to bi than I've realized (like 75% gay/ 25% bi/pan.) although I still feel like i should and would naturally be in a relationship with a guy, attracting and talking to girls comes more naturally to me, but often i think it's because that's the way society has also taught me to be. the reason i bring any of that up in a gender post is because lately I've been making ties, accurate or not is another story, to my feelings about my gender, specifically in a mtf context. I, myself, don't "feel like a trans woman," if that makes sense. I'm now 24 and have only been questioning my gender in the last 4 years, as well as confronting my sexuality. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do feel like I would be overall less angry and stressed out regarding my gender if I transitioned. I feel like I could, for the most part, put this to rest. I don't think these questions are ever going to end, so I think I need to finally address this. I don't where I'm going to end up but I should probably start figuring it out. the way I've been living isn't healthy. I'm going to die younger as a stressed out male, than I would as a transitioned female. I'm afraid of what all of this means, but I'm trying to stay positive.
     
  2. Claire2

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2018
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Quebec
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Family only
    As a androgynous girl that feels very close to non-binarity (but does not want to change pronouns or anything because it's too complicated), I understand some of your struggles. For me, if you really think you would be better with a transition, you should just do it. But I am not an expert so you can take it or leave it :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    P.S. If you want to talk, I'm here! Have a good day :slight_smile:
     
    AriKari likes this.
  3. AriKari

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2016
    Messages:
    137
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Washington
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I constantly go back and forth on my gender and I thought, only a few minutes ago, that I convinced that I was okay with the way I'm feeling, and I haven't been because I'm still not. I think I'm just finally realizing and generally getting to a point where I can't stand the questions all the time anymore. I can't handle it. It's so fucking annoying and frustrating. I just need to start social transition if I'm ever going to figure out whether or not I want to move forward with hormones. I don't know if I'm ready for this but I gotta know. I just don't know what else to do.

    You have a good day as well :slight_smile: I have to go back to work tomorrow. blah. lol
     
    #3 AriKari, Feb 19, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2018