A couple of months ago, I had a strike of realization that was triggered by a conversation I had with my friend. I realized that I was a terrible person. Arrogant, apathetic, ungrateful- you name it. I realized just how much of a scum I was. And with that realization, I began to question everything about myself. If I was able to be ignorant of how terrible I was, what else did I not know about myself? How much did my subconscious hide from me? I always thought I was queer, but maybe not. I always thought I was a girl, but maybe not. I have honestly no clue who I am. I've had multiple relationships, extremely short ones but relationships nonetheless, and they were with different genders. One with a boy, two long distance with girls and one with a person who is questioning their identity (but they don't identify with a binary gender.) However, I don't know if that means I am polysexual or pansexual or what because I'm still really confused with genders and I don't understand most of them; maybe it's just puberty and an excess of hormones that makes me attracted to so many different types of people. I don't know. I really don't know. Help?
Hello, just to start off no person is completely terrible. Even so, everyone has their reasons. There are a lot of ways to figure out who you are as a person and its different for everyone. Being more observant is always helpful, and when it comes to yourself try to be more objective. Based on what you said you seem to have a lot of negative feelings about yourself that may not be true if you took a step back. Evaluating yourself more (In a positive manner) could always help you figure out why you are upset with yourself over what reason, etc. I would advise keeping a journal/diary, its personally helped me relieve the extra anxiety and stress that could cause your built up self-resentment. This way you don't feel as ignorant if you are acknowledging your problems head on. A good start would be the journal which would help with self identity as well. Like you said hormones could also be a possible reason for these feelings you are experiencing. Over time these will balance out, or over a period of time you could record how you are feeling to get more accurate emotions. (As mathematical as that sounds its true.) I give you the best-est of luck in figuring out yourself and your way. I hoped I helped in some way.
