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How do you deal with losing a friend?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by LostPirate, Feb 18, 2018.

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  1. LostPirate

    LostPirate
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    Hey guys. I need some help.

    To make a long story short: I need to come out at church. I've posted some details elsewhere on the forum but I won't go into them now because it doesn't matter. I just need to.

    The only problem is, one of my best friends in the universe is super homophobic and goes to that church. He's the pastor's son. I'll lose him the moment I come out. He's said himself he would hate me if I was gay. We've been friends for 10 years, since we were five. I love him like a brother and it's going to rip my heart apart when it all happens.

    How do I handle A) telling him I'm gay, knowing I'm going to lose him forever, and B) dealing with not only losing him, but knowing a person so dear to me now hates my guts because I'm gay? It makes me sick even thinking about it.
     
    #1 LostPirate, Feb 18, 2018
  2. DecentOne

    DecentOne
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    This is so sad. Someone close to you is your friend only if they don't really know you, and even after 10 years of knowing you would just walk away from that? That isn't a friend.

    Is he maybe in love with you? Might that be why he'd hate you? Because then if he learned you are gay he couldn't think of you as more than a friend?

    I wish that homophobic pastors (and pastor's kids) would stick to the red letter edition of Bibles and only quote what Jesus said about homosexuality, then they'd be forced to keep quiet on the subject (since there isn't anything)!
     
    #2 DecentOne, Feb 19, 2018
  3. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
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    Unfortunately, there are no easy answers to the questions you posed. If he does reject you, that will be incredibly sad, but is that really the behaviour you would expect of a true friend? If he is so quick to cast aside friends, what does that actually say about him as a person? You might want to reflect upon that.

    I'm curious.... how did you even arrive at a point in a conversation where he would say this? How did it reach a point where he would go as far as saying he would hate you if you were gay? That's a very strong statement.

    A true friend will not completely reject us, just because we are gay. A true friend will stand by us and support us, even if it takes them a bit of time to adjust and come to terms with our sexuality. We can help and bear with a friend who needs to go through that process of adjustment, but when somebodies default position is to hate and cast people adrift there's little room for reconciliation and I need to be honest with you about that.
     
    #3 PatrickUK, Feb 19, 2018
  4. LostPirate

    LostPirate
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    We've had long, in-depth conversations about gay people, usually after a lecture on them or something like that, and I've breached the topic a couple times. He's stood by this view since childhood. It's not his fault, he's been pretty heavily brainwashed, and I've been witness to it for years. I just don't know how to tell him knowing full well that I'll lose him. Do I do it quickly, or drop hints first? It feels like a death sentence.
     
    #4 LostPirate, Feb 19, 2018
  5. LostPirate

    LostPirate
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    I don't think he's in love with me. Again, he's basically my brother. He's just got incredibly strong views on the matter. And I probably do need better friends, lol, so this may end up being a blessing in disguise. I just wish blessings didn't hurt so much. Lol.
     
    #5 LostPirate, Feb 19, 2018
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