I've been trying to convert to my new, somewhat androgynous name this past month. I've started having my friends call me K, I have been using the name for myself in my head, and I even asked my mom to start calling me "K" but she doesn't really call me by name very often. At work I am OK with being called my old name.... although eventually I probably want to transition that as well. All in good time though. Where I find myself having a tough time... is I mostly present male right now. I do little things to express femininity but if I were to go too far in my general business interactions it could be distracting for others. I also have not legally changed my name yet, although that is something that I am for-sure going to do in the future. So when I go into a place where I am going to do business... I find myself introducing myself by my old name. Not because I'm misgendering or deadnaming myself, or because I am worried about being out... after all my name is only a little dissonant on a male-seeming person... It's because I don't want to explain why my legal name and the name I go by are different. Is there anyone else who has struggled with this? What should I do about it... using my old name is starting to feel more and more dysphoric now that I've committed to a new name.
I sort of struggle with being called Wes or Wesley but what I have discovered is the more it is used in,common place such as getting mail with Wes or Wesley on it or being addressed by friends or my therapist it helps me feel better. Give that a try and you might discover other things like which you prefer and the more you write it down the more it feels real and exciting. good luck
Oooh! mail... I hadn't thought of that. I used to have my online orders sent to "Kayla" all the time... My therapist already is calling me by my new name ♥ and my newest friends call me by my new name too which is great, I just only see them every other weekend or so. This is good advice though thanks
I understand about outing yourself. For me, I just tell people that's what I go by. Although my name is more gender neutral (the one I go by), it is considered to be quite masculine or only used for males in Western society. Just say that it's a nickname. Even when I am not out to people, and they only know me by my legal name, I just will do things and sign with "N". Like my emails to anyone of importance who doesn't know I'm trans* (which is many people). I have wanted to use "Niko" for mail, but live in an apartment building where they store any packages at the front, and I have to show ID and I'm afraid that if I don't put my legal name that I won't get my package. I also like it when I order a meal, and they ask for your name, I just say "Niko". It's good. But anyways, for me, I originally felt weird going by Niko. It was odd. Now it's weird when people call me my legal name. I feel like it's my persona. It takes time to get used to in terms of adjusting, but it does help even if you can only use it in certain settings.
Great, thanks! What's the capital of Transylvania?... oh it's not a country?.. and that's not the kind of question you meant? ok I understand JK! I appreciate the offer. I could chat about this stuff for ages if someone would let me Time is definitely something I need. That's a good point. This is one of those areas that I skimped on in my previous experience with transition. There I would be in heels and makeup, no eye-brows, and a ponytail coming out of the back of a ball cap... and I'd introduce myself as ****... I picked K because it can be androgynous, but most people don't know a lot of "men" called "Kay" so it's fem leaning while still being usable even when presenting and dressing 95% masculinely. So I just need to start doing it... I like the idea of saying it's a nickname to service providers. "I go by K" is probably an easy way to introduce myself in situations where I might have to show ID later.
