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Confused? Very much.

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by czechgirl, Feb 12, 2018.

  1. czechgirl

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    Hi, I'm 18 year old girl and I am kinda confused about my sexuality. I have never dated anyone, nor had sex. I mean, I don't think that there's something bad about being 18 years old and still be a virgin, but all of my friends (same age) already had at least like 3 boyfriends and all of them have a boyfriend at the moment, and I have also never really kissed someone, so I feel like there's maybe something wrong with me, god, I don't know.

    So, I have liked boys my whole life, I do find them attractive, I do get crushes, but whenever a boy shows any affection towards me I'm just like nonononono. One time in a club this boy like talked to me and stuff and then tried to kiss me, but I was like no, byeee. I don't know, if I'm just self-conscious about my body or the fact that I don't know how to kiss. Then there was one time, when a boy texted me on facebook and I was just like nope, what if he tries to like ask me out, I wouldn't know what to do, I don't want to go out with him. I MEAN WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I did find both of these boys attractive and I find a loooot of boys attractive. Also, when me and my friends were younger (like 15) they always wanted to play spin the bottle and I always didn't because I didn't wanted to kiss anyone (I mean, I didn't wanted to kiss a boy, so I don't know if I had to kiss a girl if I wanted to???). I don't even know, if this is about my sexuality or the self-consciousness.

    Like I said my whole life, I have been attracted to boys, but since last year I also started noticing girls. I don't know, maybe it's because I thought hey, maybe you like girls if you don't want to date a boy, because whenever I watch some coming out youtube video, the person always says like I knew I was gay since I was like 13 and I started looking at girls and thinking huh, she's reallyyyy pretty when I was like 17. Also, when I watch porn I want to look at just the lesbian stuff, because whenever a guy is in the video I feel kinda weird and don't really want to look at him, but when I see a guy on a street I do find him attractive. But I also do find girls attractive.

    So, at this moment I think I am attractive to both genders. But here's the thing, I don't really know if I want to have sex with them. I mean I know that I feel uncomfortable, when a guy is interested in me, but what if a girl was interested in me??? IDK! This sucks, like am I straight, gay, bisexual or maybe even asexual??? I don't really know for what kind of advice I am asking you for, because you can't really tell me what my sexuality is when you can't see into my brain :grin: , maybe i just wanted to get this out... I don't know, what do you think I should do? Am I just weird? Do you also feel this way?

    (English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if I made any mistakes)
     
  2. QriousLexy

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    Ur English is great , I felt the same and I always shut down guys interested in me.... or play hard to get , guys called me a tease and I never really got attracted to girls until I was around 19 and gave my virginity to a guy at 22 so ur not alone hopefully u will find urself when the time is right no rush!
     
  3. Mariana

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    18 is still pretty young all things considered. You really don't have to have it all figured out now. You can just take your time with questioning and see what happens.
    If you don't want to go out with anyone you shouldn't feel pressured to do it just because all your friends are dating. There's nothing wrong with you.
    What's maybe important to note is that porn isn't a great indicator for what or who you like in real life because porn doesn't represent reality. So I wouldn't think about that too much.
    I would say listen to your instincts. If you shut down when guys approach you that's a sign that you don't want to be with that particular person, and I think you shouldn't try to force yourself into anything you don't want.
     
  4. MyLittleWorld

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    You will figure it out eventually. :slight_smile:

    I had a simillar issue with guys. I did find them attractive but any kind of affection was a no go for me. Also, a little bit different from you but I've always known I like girls but I realized that I like guys also when I was around 16. I had my first bf when I was 14 but it was always more like friendship to me. I also do not know, looking back it looks confusing as hell. :grin:

    Everything started to fall into place when I just learned to let it go. I let myself be attracted to who I was attracted to and stopped trying to be someone that I wanted to be, do not put yourself in a box. I've been through a stage where I thought I was a lesbian and I was only interested in girls but then I fell hard for a guy and I could not help myself. I had to accept that I am indeed bisexual and it is sometimes hard because I still have this thought that it would be easier if I would be a lesbian rather than bi because of all those stereotypes about bisexuals.

    There is definitely nothing wrong with being a virgin when you are 18. Even though in my experience having sex with both genders helped me realize what my sexuality actually was. I am not encouraging you to go and sleep with someone so you would know for sure rather wait and try it with someone you trust and love.

    Lastly, do not push yourself into finding all the answers right now. Just let go and in a meantime, you will figure it out. :slight_smile:

    I wish you all the best :slight_smile:
     
  5. LunaMare

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    Hey there! You remind me a lot of me when I first started to really think about my sexuality about a year ago. I could have written almost the same post. I was 19, I had never dated anyone or had sex, although I had kissed 1 boy and a few girls but never sober and never someone I really liked. Like you I felt like there was something wrong with me and I didn't get why I always ran away when a boy showed any interests, even when I found a lot of boy very attractive.

    I'd had thought about possibly liking girls before but at the same time I was pretty convinced I was straight. When it suddenly hit me I might not be I got so confused and it's really hard to see things clearly at that moment. I kept thinking, what if I'm only thinking these things about girls because I'm already thinking about it and looking for signs? When you think to much, it's difficult to think and feel what comes natural.

    Now one year later it all starts to make sense. I've been trying to really pay attention to my feelings, to follow my heart and to only do what feels comfortable (even if it's a scary and nervewrecking to go on a date with a girl, there can still be a sense of comfort). I went on a few dates with boys, I went on a few dates with girls, I educated myself on sexual orientation, I binge watched lgbt+ tv shows and movies... And finally I've just started to date a girl I actually really like a lot!! I still don't know what to label myself. I'm pretty sure I like girls and I'm not closing myself off to possibly falling for a guy in the future but it's just not what I want right now.

    Try to take your time and to take things easy. There is really no pressure and it doesn't matter that all your friends are in a relationship, there is no rush. Keep your options open and allow yourself to feel something for a girl if that's the case, it can be really easy to close off emotions you don't want to feel. Maybe your straight, maybe bi, maybe asexual, maybe you're actually gay or maybe all you need is to meet the right person.

    I'm here if you want to talk :slight_smile: