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Do you think 18 is too young to get married?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Andrew99, Jan 26, 2018.

  1. Andrew99

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    I have a friend who's 18 and getting married in a couple months. Do you think 18 is too young? Do you know anyone who's gotten married at 18? And if so how did it work?
     
  2. Niagara

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    Yes. I think it's a horrible idea honestly. Most people barely even know what job interests them or if they want to go to college or not at 18... trying to make the huge decision to spend the next 60+ years with the same person at a time in life where things change very rapidly is a disaster waiting to happen.

    Plus on top of that, they haven't had enough time to experience many other things. They will inevitably look back and wish they had experienced the freedom of youth when they could have instead of immediately throwing most of their freedom away by having to be responsible for the other person at such a young age.

    I know three people who got married at 18. They are now all 20-21. Two are divorced, and one is still married (with a kid) but is totally miserable and hates her life. She was the stereotypical party girl who went out every weekend for all of high school, and now while her friends are still doing that, she just sits at home all day alone with the kid posting on Facebook how much she wishes she could go out with them too.

    Personally, I'd probably never even consider marriage before 25, or preferably 30.
     
    #2 Niagara, Jan 26, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2018
  3. HM03

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    I try not to judge, but I can't help myself from hardcore judging people that get married and/or have kids before 25.

    And I'm going to sound even more like a bitch here, but all the people I know my age that are already married are extremely religious. So I can't help but question their intent. However, I know a few couples my age that have been together literally since grade 7, and in my mind that makes it much more reasonable to get married young then.

    That being said, I'm not a part of their relationship, so I'm only judging the relationship based on the parts everybody can see.
     
  4. Chip

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    I'm inclined to agree with the others. I suspect that most people who marry at 18 are desperately trying to create connection and normalcy in a life that may not have had it. Anyone who is emotionally healthy realizes that there's really no rush... if the relationship is healthy and stable, then no reason to rush into marriage; if not, then getting married to "make it stable" is a terrible idea.

    Either way, waiting and taking time makes a lot of sense.
     
  5. Assassin'sKat

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    Yes, I think it's too young. But I don't know every situation ever so I don't judge. I mean, maybe an 18 year old really could be ready. I just think that's very rare.
     
  6. mask1985

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    I used to know someone who got married at that age and they are still together, he must be about 70 now I think, but this is rare. It wouldn't have been legal for me to marry who I was with when we were 18 but even if it was I don't think I was emotionally mature enough, probably still not tbh.
     
  7. Shorthaul

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    It is pretty much a terrible idea. The won't even be the same people at 22-25 than they are right now. At 37 I would go back in time and slap the shit out of 18 year old me.

    Legally they are adults, but that doesn't really mean anything. I've seen 40 year olds who acted like 12 year olds and 16 year olds who are way too mature and level headed for their age.
     
  8. JaimeGaye

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    I personally think 18 is too young to be getting married in this day and age.
     
  9. Aussie792

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    Yes, it's far too young.

    Marriage is, at its most ambitious, a lifelong ambition. At eighteen, your life has barely even begun to take shape, both materially and in terms of personal development. You have no idea who you'll be and what circumstances you'll be in within a few years, let alone decades, at that age. To make such a serious committment sets you up for having to extricate yourself from a giant mistake a few years later, or limiting your choices for life.

    Life at eighteen really doesn't need to be so consequential. Youth is about personal development and keeping your options open - because the sort of person you and your partner are at 18 is going to be different by 20, then possibly unrecognisably different by 25 or 30. And you need room to do things, make non-permanent mistakes you can learn from and have fun and as few responsibilities as you can.

    As Chip says, there's no rush. If it's a good relationship, marriage doesn't need to come so young - you haven't limited your chocies by not marrying. If you're getting married to keep the relationship together, then it wasn't worth keeping at that age.
     
  10. KnucklesNation

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    It depends on their level of maturity (and possibly, up-bringing). I know a couple who were together since our freshman year of High School, and til this day they are still together, married, and with two children. So it's definitely not impossible, but it is however a situation that - more often than not - ends in total disaster with 18 being such a liberating age and all.
     
  11. youknow201

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    I think it just depends on the person. I know a couple who got married right out of high school at 18 and it worked for them. They have 3 kids and their oldest will be out of the house before the turn 40. They took turns going to college and they are very happy together. But I'm in the military and I see 18 to early 20 year olds get married all the time and it not work. It just depends on the people and the situation.
     
  12. BlueMonday

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    Yeah. The best age to get married is mid to late 20s.
     
  13. Glitters

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    When people choose to get mattered doesn't really matter to me. I don't have an opinion on when someone decides marriage is right for them.
     
  14. MyLittleWorld

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    I would personally think that yes, 18 is too young to get married.

    Marriage is not only happiness, rainbows, love and unicorns, it is a responsibility, commitment, patience. It is a lot of work. When you are 18 you are probably still in school/university/college surrounded by people who are still looking where they belong. People grow apart. I would say if it is your person you will know right away and married or not married it does not change a thing. They will stay by your side through good and bad. :slight_smile:

    I would personally live with someone for 10 years without getting married, making it count every single day, fighting for them and being there for them through tough times. My reward would be marrying that person and seeing them in front of me and saying those wedding vows and knowing that I have already seen them at their worst and I have been through so much with that person..then I would know that I am ready to do it for the rest of my life. Most importantly I want to. :slight_smile:
     
    #14 MyLittleWorld, Feb 15, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  15. guitar

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    I agree with the general consensus: it's a bad idea. Consider that at 18 you're still learning about your identity and carving your own, you're still learning about the world, you don't have much employment experience, probably not much dating experience, not much experience living on your own / with others where you're in charge.. there are exceptions and every case is different, but you don't have the same experience you will at 25. They've just expanded adolescence until about age 24 or so because your brain still thinks differently and is still forming. You will think much differently at age 30 than you will at 18 for example (hormones, etc).

    Add in what Chip said where people often use it to bring about normalcy or stability into their lives and it's not likely to go well. You need time to really grow with someone and learn them inside and out. You shouldn't just marry because it's the "thing to do." Most relationships we have in our life is only temporary and you need time to really gauge if you think you can deal with this person and their quirks and how they make decisions 10, 20, 50 years down the road
     
  16. Denial

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    I think it's too young for the average couple. I don't know the couple to say if they are average or not and even if I knew them it would be hard to tell.
     
  17. Loves books

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    I think 18 if fairly young people change a lot in their 20s and you could end up married to a completely different person. But if they go in to marriage eyes wide open they might make it work as long as they realise half of all marriages end in divorce but two thirds of teen marriages end in divorce.
     
  18. Matz

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    I think it's really young, but I've heard of stranger things. I know two high school sweethearts who stayed together through college and then got married. Rarely, people know early on who they want and things don't change. It's quite risky, though.
     
    #18 Matz, Feb 17, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2018
  19. taire

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    I really think it depends on the person who plans to get married at 18 and whether or not they'd really thought it through. My mom got married when she was 18, and she was quite confident about what she wanted in life - to create a family. In the end, it didn't work out and she divorced the guy and later on met my father. But she has 2 kids from her first marriage and she couldn't be happier about it . I guess, generally it's not a good idea to get married so young, but in theory, if a couple is 200% sure that they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other, they might get lucky and happily grow old together. Although I suppose it would be smarter to wait. A couple years may change a lot, and maybe you won't even want to know the person you were going to marry when you were 18.