I'm a 58 year old closeted married male. Have not been active but getting harder to suppress SSA thoughts. Came across a meeting in my area for men in hetero relationships that consider themselves bi or gay. They're meeting tomorrow. So on the fence. Per the guidelines of group there is no sex but they do meet in nude as the great equalizer. Really want to go to be able to express myself with like minded men bit very nervous. Any feedback appreciated.
What is the purpose of the group? Meeting in the nude seems a bit bizarre. Seems out of place if its a support group. I've attended a gay/bi and married to women group for about a two years now. Very helpful and therapeutic. You also help yourself by helping others. Mine is run by a licensed therapist and its very well done.
The way it was explained to me via email is the group feels it allows more openness and less contstraint of sharing feelings. It is clearly stated no sex. If someone wants to explore more intimacy, arrangements are to be made outside of the meeting event.
Sorry but I've got to say this. Doesn't meeting in the nude ring any alarm bells to you. I'm a married 54yo bisexual man with 4 kids and I'd love to go to a support group like that. But I certainly wouldn't be meeting up with people I didn't know in the nude.
There is actually a lot of studies about the benefits of nudity. If you are able to get past the uncomfortable feelings, going nude is a way to "trick" your brain into being more vulnerable way faster since you are literally getting vulnerable. It also allows for people from different social class to come to a space with the same footing. Its not for everyone, but its not the creepy factor that some people will think. The no sex rules will be stricly enforced because its necessary in order to maintain a safe space. If I were you, I would go and try it out. Best scenario you find an amazing place that could be of help. Worst scenario, you don't like it and you never go again.
Full disclosure. My wife and I were practicing nudists years ago so public nudity does not alarm me. If there was overt suggestive sex undertones I would exit. That being said from what I read on their group blog it doesn't happen. The men enjoyed being more vulnerable and expressing their feelings and desires. Doesn't sound like a therapy session, more of a bonding get together.
Texaslefty Are you out to your wife? I would be careful doing the nudity thing with other men unless my wife knew. Then, I wouldn't have the least bit of a problem with being nude. I used to hang out nude with friends all the time when rock climbing and kayaking. It is really not a sexual thing. My wife would likely have been OK with this but I'm not sure how a lot of wives would handle it.
Yes that is what causing me angst. I am not out to wife. I have not acted on these feelings just hard to bury them. But I don't want lots of guilt even if there is no sexual activity. Seems safe.
Well. I guess you have to think about how your wife would feel about this. When I came out, I needed to tell my wife everything so she could trust me. It is good to have someone to talk to about this in person. I didn't have that. I just had this forum. But, I have a married friend who is working on coming out to his wife and we chat. It is pretty helpful. Remember that you are vulnerable and as you accept your sexuality you may find it very easy to cross the line. We're all human and it happens. So, be careful.
I attend two groups, and neither meet in the nude. They both deny they are a hook-up group (But it happens). I would look around for another group. Maybe Husbands Out to Wives (HOW)? You don't have to be out to your spouse to join, BTW.
Maybe that would work for some people, but it wouldn't work for me. It would depend on what you're comfortable with, and what you're really looking for. I think you'd know pretty quickly whether the group is going to be a good fit for you.
I laughed when I read that you had to meet in the nude ... seriously? I wouldn't even consider going.
There's a place for nudity in therapeutic encounters, and it's well established and has been written about (most extensively in the book "Therapy, Nudity and Joy") for decades. And in my experience, people who have body image issues (the very ones who are terrified of being nude) benefit most from going to a safe environment where nudity is a part of the process. There's also absolutely nothing wrong with social nudity, such as nudist gatherings, though ones that don't involve pools or hot springs just seem a little weird and rather pointless to me. That said... a group that claims to be for hetero-married gay men that requires nudity to remove social barriers? No, that's just BS. No valuable therapeutic or social reason for that. Whomever started the group just wants to be married to a woman and see other gay guys naked. If you want to go, go... but expect there to be weirdness, whether sexual or otherwise.
