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Can trans* males be feminine?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by AFABulous, Feb 13, 2018.

  1. AFABulous

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    Location:
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    Im AFAB and I identify as a trans* male, but I don't consider myself to be really masculine. I don't like sports. I don't like cars. I do like video games, though. I like makeup, glitter, and girly pinky things. I wear those choker necklaces in "girly" colors. I paint my nails glittery pink and purple. I like wearing pink. I have short hair, though, and I wear strictly male clothes (including male underwear and socks). My mom says that trans* boys can't be feminine, but cis boys can. She also said that trans* girls can't be masculine, but cis girls can.

    It really gets on my nerves when she says those things. She also said that genderfluid people were sick and confused because their gender changes. She also said that I'm "turning into a freak" because when I do start hormones, and actually do start looking like a male, I'll be the laughing stock of my city because I'd be a man with a beard and wearing make up with painted nails. She said that a 6 foot tall "man" wouldn't make a good looking woman if she "changed genders". I told my mom that trans* girls get facial surgery, and voice training, and estrogen. Trans* girls end up looking like girls and trans* boys end up looking like boys.

    I gave her some transgender educational sites and videos to watch. She said she read/watched them, but I don't think they helped her because she still says ignorant and bigoted stuff. So does my youngest sister(age 14), who claims to be liberal. She even watches Buzzfeed videos, which should have helped her become more educated, but it obviously didn't help.

    What do I do? How am I supposed to put up with this BS? Also, my family keeps misgendering me. They keep calling me she/her and they/them pronouns, when I specifically said that my pronouns are he/him. I've told them multiple times, but they never listen.

    Sorry for the rant!>.< Thanks to all those who answer!
     
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  2. Crisalide

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    wp_ss_20180214_0002 (2).png
    This makes zero sense.

    --

    Try to do something annoying when they mistake pronouns on purpose, ex. don't answer to them or pretend you didn't hear, or do the opposite thing they asked.

    --

    I posted a pic of guys with a feminine touch: nail polish. They don't look like someone to laught at. They look cool :slight_smile:
     
  3. DinoArtist

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    Just be you and do what you feel. It's all just words anyway.
     
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  4. KayNB

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    Of course they can. I consider myself to be transgender (although I also label myself as genderqueer) amab. Right now my asthetic/style influences are very much butch lesbian women. My hair, makeup, even some clothing choices are all influenced by people who identify as cis female or NB AFABs that dress slightly masculine but with a touch of stylishness. If I can go that direction, you can certainly go the other ♥
     
  5. Nike007

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    You can obviously be feminine and trans* male. I actually know a few trans* men like this. For them, they actually got more feminine as they transitioned into their gender, which does confused people who aren't trans* a bit, because they associate gender identity and gender expression to be the same thing, which it isn't.

    This is a YouTuber I like who is trans* and it's a video with his mom and talking about the parent's side of coming out and what to do:



    I really do like this video.

    About your pronouns, you can try to ignore when they call you by the wrong pronouns. Maybe you can also write a letter or something to them explaining your pronouns and how you feel about being misgendered to them. Maybe this will help.

    I wish you the best.
     
  6. AFABulous

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    [You can obviously be feminine and trans* male. I actually know a few trans* men like this. For them, they actually got more feminine as they transitioned into their gender, which does confused people who aren't trans* a bit, because they associate gender identity and gender expression to be the same thing, which it isn't.]

    That's how it is with me. I never was feminine. When I was younger, I never liked makeup or painting my nails. I never really liked pretty jewelry, either. That changed when I came out as trans*. I started expressing my gender more in a feminine way. I don't know why I started presenting more femininly. I just did.
     
  7. Secrets5

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    You can be feminine but note it may not help so much with people perciving you as male given people's perceptions of gender identity to gender expression.
     
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  8. Mihael

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    So... if you're feminine, you're a boy because you want to transition, with hormones and so forth? I think this is what it comes down to, people want to understand what you mean. Your family must have understood that femininity and masculinity = gender.
     
  9. gravechild

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    Expression is separate from gender, but yes, you'll probably have a harder time because of it, since most folk already have a hard time taking trans men and women seriously, and men get it pretty bad for expressing "girly" interests and traits. Just prepare to do a lot of explaining and having to grow a thicker skin.

    Of course, what's considered masculine or feminine before transition will change afterwards. We apply different standards to men and women. For example, if you were considered tomboyish or butch as a girl, you might be considered average as a guy (or even on the feminine side).
     
  10. Foxfeather

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    I'm pretty masculine in the way I dress, act, and sit, but I still get seen as a woman. I'm still shocked each time I'm called ma'am or miss and when I give people a face to express my confusion they seem taken aback too. Like I get the best "shit, what've I done?" faces.

    It's so ridiculous. People need to shove their homophobia and gender preconceptions where it belongs. We'd all feel safer and better off that way. I understand that roles are important to making people feel like they fit in somewhere in society but not everyone feels safe within the binary. We're not in the effing matrix.
     
  11. AlexJames

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    Yeah you can. I mean i'm a transguy and i still like what i feel like are some stereotypically feminine things. I like essential oil diffusers, i like wax melt scents, i like making the house explode christmas decorations every season, i'm very neat and organized (you can legit tell how my day's going by how clean or messy my environment is), and i don't mind some of the bath and body works products provided they aren't flowery scents. I mean my fav is their men's line but i like other not flowery scents. Got some for christmas as a distraction from the men's products i also ordered from them. Sensual amber, snowy morning, warm vanilla sugar, lavender. Lavender is a flower but its calming which is why i like it. I like a lot of holiday scents too. I like shopping mostly because i feel like i'm making up for like 20 years of being a girl not a boy. It doesn't really help the validation of my transguy identity with the fact that i don't really like sports - watching or playing. Not that coordinated lol video games are my thing. I like war movies and video games and the sportiest i get is watching the Olympics if its on. Though if i had the chance i'd love to try something like the parkour training place i saw on youtube, or that one place the TFIL channel just went to called Camp Woodward.
     
    #11 AlexJames, Feb 15, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2018
  12. Kodo

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    As others have said, absolutely.

    Gender identity and gender expression are two different things. You can be a transmale yet still feminine, just as you can be a transfemale and still masculine. There are not separate rules which apply to trans* people but not to cis people.

    I went through a period in questioning my gender where I held that, if I were truly a transmale, then I had to be masculine. So I lifted weights, listened to rock and rap music, played video games, went skateboarding, wore baseball caps... shunning everything that sniffed of femininity. Oddly enough it was after I publicly came out and began socially / medically transitioning that that idea lost grip. The more secure I have become in my "maleness" the more I see it is perfectly fine to have feminine interests and expressions, to be flamboyant, and so on.

    So these days I'm happy to dress how I like, be that from the men's or women's section. I dance. I sing. Sometimes I wear makeup. I'm just different from other men. And you know, that is okay.
     
  13. BradThePug

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    I tend to have a more feminine gender expression. I still pass as male because of hormones. Most people just see me as a flamyboant gay guy. That works for me though. I tried to be super masculine when I came out, but that did not work out too well for me. It was like fitting a square peg into a round hole.