Hi all, it has been a month plus since I have feelings for this guy that Ive known. I get to see him everyday, as we are in the same department, same unit. He claims that he's closer to me in the department as he shares most of his things with me. I'm glad that he treats me as someone close to him in the office. Though, he is straight, he would text me once in awhile and start a conversation even during weekends when there ain't any work . He has always been sharing with me which girl is pretty, and the girls he talked to. I get jealous often whenever he says that. I told myself I have to control my feelings towards him and I can't text him abruptly as he may feel that it's weird for me texting him every now and then. I have never doubt about his sexuality cause he's really masculine and the most we could go might only be good friends. I'm in pain everyday trying to control not to text him. though I do question myself why didn't he text me but I truly know that his world doesn't revolve around me. But that thought still lingers in my mind. can anyone help me to get out of this ordeal? I really miss him so much and I would love to talk to him.
If you're certain this person is straight, and not a potential dating partner, then the first and most important thing to do is to accept that. No matter how attractive or nice he is, if he's simply not interested in dating men, then it will never develop into the relationship/dating that you may be hoping for. Ask yourself if you're comfortable being just friends with him - including talking about the women he thinks are attractive. If you're comfortable with that, then great - go forward, and strike up a friendship. Maybe ask if he wants to hang out after work sometime. If you're not comfortable being friends, though - and it's understandable if you might not be - then you will need to accept that neither a relationship or a friendship is going to come of this, and it might be the best thing to keep the conversation at the level of respectful co-workers.
Hello. Thanks for the advice! I wouldn't say im really comfortable with it but I can still accept it. I can't blame him either as its rightful for him to comment on girls and even look at them. Would asking him out after work makes him feel weird? Like in his perspective of view, it may seems that why do I even asked him out after work and on weekends? I'm planning on not to hold onto this too tightly cause it's really painful. I just hope that he do indeed treat me as his friend, or at least an ordinary friend. Sometimes, seeing him getting close with others I feel unhappy and upset. Probably, I get jealous which I know I can't feel that. Perhaps I should really not take it too tightly and be happy with what I've now
It sounds like maybe you're still processing the idea that he's straight and not attracted to guys - which is okay, it might take you a little bit more and that's fine. In the meantime, I would try to get used to simply talking to him at work like you would any friendly coworker. Eventually, if you want to hang out outside of work and you're comfortable with it being as friends, suggest getting a bite to eat after work or doing something on a weekend that you both like. But for now, I would keep it friendly at work and let yourself get past the idea.
Yes, i wouldn't hang out outside work until the friendship is working and not painful to you. I'd worry that secretly you'd be hoping for something to happen, that you'd hang out more and more and get harder and harder for you. Talking about girls is a clear way of maintaining his boundary with you. I do have straight friends and colleagues who have ambiguous relationships with me. Some get confused about the level of emotiinal intimacy that they're not used to experiencing with guys; and some are just curious about some recreational sex. I handle them all by keeping a certain distance until enough time has passed that it's safe. I've been close mates with one guy who's straight, married, with kids, happy, but with whom there's been sexual tension for 17 years and we flirt a bit, but it's just a nice friendship that i enjoy as a friendship. But i was cautious early on cos i could have fallen for him.
before I begin, let's call this guy that I like "Jan" Prolly, I've to instill the thoughts that he's straight and nothing gna change the view of him towards me. I'm actually quite happy that he told others that I'm a really nice guy, thoughtful and I'm quite a rare person that's as genuinely as nice as me . At the very least, I know that to him I remain to have a positive view. funny thing is, Jan and I chatted about ######. he even introduced one of his friends' friend to me. which I'm totally cool with it just to make more friends. Right now, I have to tell myself that Jan and me won't be able to work out and we can only remain as friends or good friends.
our friendship is working well and he do care for me as well. I would give him the best advices whenever he talks about girls and whoever he is talking to. I just feel that it's painful that no matter how much I want to chat with him after work over text messages, I need to control the urge as he may think that it's weird why do I even talk to him even after work or on weekends too. I guess that's something that I have to control for now and not fail in doing so (
Hi all. Just a little update about Jan & me. We are doing really well and it seems that we gotten even much closer than we used to be. He started telling me who is his closest friend, his name and what did they share about usually. He was recently quite upset cause of a girl that he had known. He went to confide to his closet friend and told me the next day of what had happened . (I asked him out for lunch as we are reporting to the office at the same timing). But just today, during our lunch at one of the cafes we started singing together as it is about to rain. He saw that I was rather unhappy cos he shared with another colleague of ours about his current batch of girls that he is talking to. (I got unhappy cause I didn't expect that he could've been so easy for him to tell others what had happened and who are the girls he is talking to). He asked me if I'm okay when he sees that I'm unhappy. OK, back to the cafe. He sat beside me as we were taking our orders. He leaned near me and he was like resting his head on my shoulder. I do know that such instances are bases on a bromance basis than romance. I can't help, but just to accept the fact that he treats me as his close friend only Can anyone advice me on how should I not be unhappy whenever he shares his issues with others too ? This made me feel like I am not the closest to him in office and he can share anything with anyone and everyone. I'm afraid in losing him too. Anyone has any advices?
If you feel the need to be closer to him than anyone else at the office, that suggests to me that you're not really ready to accept the idea that you will only be friends and nothing more. Until this is something that you can be comfortable with, I would suggest keeping any interaction with him strictly professional - if you feed the idea of this intense, personal, and unique friendship, it will only make it harder for you to accept that you're not going to be in a relationship with this person.
So you suggest that I should not expect anything from him, and I shld really regard him as my colleague or at the very least, friend? Perhaps I really have to instill the idea that I shouldn't expect anything from him anymore. If it comes, it would. I just sincerely hope that he still treats and regards me like how he have been always.. Thanks for the advices!
from my experience, you can NOT just choose to move on and simply forget the guy you have fallen for. it can take years before the pain fades away. if he is getting close to you, allow him. chances are he is straight and feels very okay being open to you, and that kind of feeling can be very rewarding but unfortunately, also very unfulfilling. you will always want more and there will come a time when he won't be able to give you that sense of intimacy. by that time if he is attracted to you, he will open up, either directly or indirectly. even if he does not open up and you feel you can't live that state of affairs where he is always wanting you but leaving you confused about your relationship with him, just go ahead and tell him about your feelings. either he will open up or disown you or give you mixed signals. it is at that point where it will be very easy for you to either move on or still allow him in your life. i am going through the same. and God, it is painful. good luck.
Yup I agree with you. The pain is unbearable and can't be described. Im really tired to be going through all these everyday. At work, I will think of why he didn't chat with me much, after work, I will think if I shld message him and start a topic, else I will be hoping for his message which is impossible. During the weekends, I will hope for his messages too otherwise I would wish that he will text me and start a topic. But I do know that all these wouldn't happen at all cause he won't make it happen. there's nothing else I can do to allow us to feel closer and like good friends As much as I hope those will happen , at least I do hope that he nonetheless regards me as someone close to him. sigh
I know how it feels when all you do is wait for your crush's messages and when you try to find reasons to talk/text to them. My crush used to do that. He would find so many reasons to text me every day, all day. It felt so good. The best part was I never had to initiate conversations. He was always texting me. But I got so used to it, that the day he wouldn't text me, I would feel depressed as hell. We both knew how much we loved one another. Recently something happened and I had to breakup with him. I was at that point where HE WAS NOT ADMITTING that we had something special going on. I was trying to give him hints about going to the next level but he was not willing to make something special out of our relationship. I would have been okay with it, but the problem was that he was unknowingly becoming too dependent on me. He wanted me to fix all his problems, be there for him everytime, make him feel better whenever he was sad. Trust me, I loved being there for him. He was so cute and good looking but he wasn't reciprocating my emotional needs. I wanted him to be there when I was feeling down. But when I would need him, he would tell me that I should not expect anything from him. That sounds crazy, but he was telling me all the time to have no expectations from him. Anyways, all of that made it easy for me to tell him that despite all the love I have for him, I can no longer torture myself. I could not live every single day of my life hoping he would admit that he loved me. We had an argument in which he said some real harsh stuff and I just told him that I can't take it anymore. I need to find peace in life. He was too arrogant to say anything nice and I asked him to stop seeking my emotional support if he can't reciprocate my love for him. It hurts. My heart is in pain. I am missing him like crazy. I am depressed. I need help. But at least I know I am heading towards recovery. With him, there was never any healing.
I'm sorry to hear that. Sigh,perhaps eventually we won't know who really meant for us. It's painful to lose someone we really love, it's painful not to get something reciprocated. Waiting and waiting and waiting is all what we can/could do. Regardless, how much we love the person we can only do that much. I sincerely hope in the near future or soon you'll meet someone that knows how to cherish you, reciprocate back to you in every aspects and loves you. Though it may seems like a fairytale but be determined and have the faith in yourself What I am doing everyday, is to wait for his messages. Although ,I know he won't text me unless for work related stuff but I'm still being very naive, waiting for his messages and even wondering if he would asked me out during the weekends or dinner after work. It made me feel like I'm so dumb waiting for something that will never happen . I have fallen so hard for him, and I have lost myself because of him
