Years ago in was in the marines and i fell hard for another man. We did have a secret short " relationship". I wrote about it way back. After i got out of the service, every now and then i would google his name like a stalker just to see if i could find anything. I did this for awhile and found his myspace and later on his facebook. He looked happy, married and with 2 children. I let it be. It was just nice seeing him. So i didnt bother sending a message or try looking him up anymore. Years passed and i found someone i really love. We havd been together for awhile now. Last night i had a dream. It was weird so i started looking up random things just to shake the feeling off. I ended up googling his name, he had passed a few months ago. I felt my heart break again. It was hard to keep it all in, i couldnt tell my partner about it or anyone else. I didnt know i had still loved this man after all these years. I shouldve contacted him even if it was just a simple hi. I felt like i secretly cheated on my partner... He is survived by his wife, his daughter, and his son who he named my name. That hit me the hardest, knowing that he had thought about me too. That our time together meant something. Whatever it was its over and I plan to visit his grave and say my final good-bye.
I'm very sorry to hear about this - I'm sure that your relationship with this man was important for you, and likely was for him too. I would certainly encourage you to visit him at his grave and say your good bye in person. I would also encourage you to tell people about what happened, including your partner, as counter-intuitive as it may sound. This man is part of your history, and helped make you who are, so his influence has always been a factor in your current relationship. Provided that you're still invested in your relationship, sharing this part of your history, and the grief you're feeling right now, is important. If for whatever reason you aren't prepared to share this with your partner, I would find a friend or counselor to confide in. But I would not keep these feelings or this story to yourself. Best of luck - hope this helps.
