I'm considering coming out to some people that I know. I have a few friends who I think will be supportive, but I've never heard my parents talk about anything related to the LGBTQ+ community (as with most people in my life), so I don't really know what their opinions are. I want to have a better idea of what their possible reactions might be before I come out to them. Does anyone have any tips for starting a conversation with them or figuring out their opinions about LGBTQ+ topics without completely coming out? Or am I overthinking this and should just tell them?
What I did to test the waters was to comment on recent news regarding the LGBTQ community. Any time something came up on the radio or in the tv, I'd say something about it just to see how their reaction was. You also could watch a film/tv show with queer characters with them and talk about it afterwards.
Testing the waters by observing reactions can be helpful, but we have seen many cases where parents made deeply homophobic remarks before their child came out... only to be the most supportive parents ever when their child came out. So, there’s an argument for just telling them. Another piece is that very often parents have an intuition, so if you start trying to test the waters, often they know pretty quickly what is really going on. From what you describe, it doesn’t sound like there is likely a concern. Parents rarely go ballistic and disown their kids,and the ones that do are nearly always religious crazies. So if they are not in that group, they will probably be fine with it. They might be angry or upset at first — remember the stages of loss. (Denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance) — but ultimately I’m sure they will accept you.
@pennylane1988 @Chip Thank you both for your advice! I really appreciate it and will definitely consider it when I’m figuring out exactly how and when I want to come out.
If you want to see how they react, this news story might be a way of introducing the topic: https://edition.cnn.com/2018/02/07/politics/adam-rippon-mike-pence-winter-olympics/index.html It's worth remembering what Chip said about parents changing their tune. I remember how my own Father would make disapproving comments about gay men when I was growing up, only to do a 360 degree turn when I came out. When we come out, our parents will ask questions like... "How do you know?", "Do you have a Girlfriend?", "Are you sure it's not a phase?". Some of these questions might take us by surprise or leave us feeling angry, so I would recommend you think about the potential questions and get your responses clear in your mind. If you can respond calmly and coherently, it will go some way towards convincing them. Have the contact details for PFLAG handy when you decide to come out to them.
@PatrickUK Thank you for all of your advice! I’ve been putting together a list of helpful resources/contacts and I made sure that PFLAG was on there (as you suggested).
