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Do you think I could be a lesbian?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Shy95, Feb 6, 2018.

  1. Shy95

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    I know it's all down to me at the end of the day, but it'd really help to know what others think. I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.
    • First of all, I've questioned my sexuality, on and off, for almost 10 years. I don't think any straight person has questioned their sexuality so extensively.
    • Of course, this could mean I'm bisexual or something, but being bisexual would mean also dating men, and when I think that, I get this little feeling like "why would I do that if I could be with women?". He would have to be very special.
    • I feel/seem to other people like I'm a lesbian. But this could be all based on stereotypes, which I'm just assuming my sexuality off.
    • Being a lesbian feels like it would "fit me".
    • I love the culture/famous lesbians etc. You name a lesbian romance film and I've probably seen(and swooned) over it. Yet I despise straight romance films. But that could just be because of gender roles and I hate those.
    • Yet talking of roles, I've always wanted to be the more boyish one, even when I was very young. I've even attempted to establish this/"genderbend" in straight relationships. This could mean I'm just progressive, or maybe I'm pining for something else.
    • Speaking of roles, I used to(I've "trained myself out of it") imagine myself as the guy with a woman during fantasies. Now that I've trained myself to not do that, I think I've started to"self eroticise" myself. I know, that sounds weird. If I watch porn I always imagine myself as the guy.
    • I masturbate over my boyfriend and am aroused by male masturbation and penises. But also strap ons and would like to have sex with a woman whilst I wore one. I've heard some lesbians have "penis fetishes" but that just seems really weird to me, and that some lesbians struggle to learn to sexually fantasize because they've grown up thinking a penis needs to be involved, so it needs more creativity(?) I've also heard porn/fantasies are bad indicators of sexuality.
    • I find men attractive, but if I could choose between seeing a naked man or woman, it'd be the woman. I find men stripping or trying to be sexy cringey and laughable. I can find men really gorgeous aesthetically if they have a cerain "hipster" look, but I also want that look myself!
    • Being in a relationship with a woman seems exciting and something I really want to do. It also, and this might just be me being weird, makes me feel more positive/driven in my life. Like I think "I could be living as a lesbian woman and do this and be this and thid", but when I think of my life as straight, it just feels more meh.
    • Something feels weird with guys, as it does with my boyfriend now, but I don't know if it's just because I'm not a relationship/cuddly person. I'm independant and like my space and refuse to pander to certain expectations.
    • When I was really young(under 10) I would get crushes on guys, but now I don't get crushes on anyone now i'm older, though i've always had mild, weird, warm feelings(?) for girls.

    Hope that wasn't too much! Thanks for reading :slight_smile:
     
  2. Glitters

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    It sort of sounds like you are bisexual with a strong preference for women.
     
  3. Shy95

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    Okay, thanks :slight_smile:
     
  4. womaninamber

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    I also questioned my sexuality for many years, way more than 10. Even after all that was hard for me to admit that I am definitely not straight.

    I can't tell anyone else what their sexuality is, but I think what you say about wanting to be with a woman and choosing men over women definitely sounds meaningful and like something you should explore (even if it's just in your own mind.)
     
  5. ulm

    ulm
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    I’m in the same boat, questioning for 6 years now, only your gut will tell you! If it feels not quite right cut it off, I’m not really an advocate of trying out genders to date, people are not toys, that’s why I haven’t dated before, it has only felt right for me once with a boy (I’m a girl) and I was rejected and it hurt like a bitch!
    It’s so much harder accepting and acknowledging bisexuality!
     
  6. closeted13

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    I just wanted to say that you're not experiencing this alone. I deeply relate to many of your points, especially this one:
    • Being in a relationship with a woman seems exciting and something I really want to do. It also, and this might just be me being weird, makes me feel more positive/driven in my life. Like I think "I could be living as a lesbian woman and do this and be this and thid", but when I think of my life as straight, it just feels more meh.
    I agree so much. The thought of being able to share my life with an amazing woman whom I love and loves me, it fills me with such great excitement. I really understand where you're coming from. Although for me, personally, a closeted bisexual, I am hoping to find a man who can make me feel equally amazing as a girl might. That would be great, because it would be "easier".

    In regards to your orientation, indeed, we can't tell you exactly what you are... But, drawing from what you've written, I'd venture to say:
    Sounds like you are definitely bi-curious. Possibly bisexual. Possibly lesbian.

    Might be helpful for you to take the Kinsey scale online test, to help locate yourself on the spectrum.

    All the best!