That's the question. I've been suggested by many, many poeple (even by admins of empty closets) that i have HOCD. I'm not gonna give details about that, but I've been reading that porn is not a grate indicative of orientation. I've tried watching gay porn many many times and it just doesn't arouse me. What i like the most is man and woman or man and 2 women or man and stepmother, guy and sister, etc. I am straight (at least that's what i think, and 24 years old). So i like in the first place man and woman, I have to recognize im not a big fan of woman and woman but I've asked in other forums and there are a lot of straight man who prefer watching man and woman because they like the girls being penetrated. That's my case. And definitely don't like man and man, not a bit. Watching it and trying (in vain) to get hard to it just makes me sick and nervous. So, lol, after a lot of going around the bushes, i return to the question: Why do they say porn is not a good indicative of orientation?
Porn isn't real. It's designed to be arousing, regardless of your orientation. As you pointed out, straight men often watch m/f porn because they are aroused by the visual of penetration, but shouldn't those men be "put off" by seeing another naked man? Of course not. Many lesbian women are aroused by m/m gay porn, for example, for many reasons, including the common complaint that lesbian porn is "boring" or "unrealistic." The simple fact is that watching sexual activity is inherently arousing. If a straight man was aroused by watching two gay men have sex, would that automatically mean that he is gay? No. Likewise, watching porn can be arousing no matter the orientation. Personally I think that many straight men would find themselves aroused if they watched gay porn, but most don't even attempt to watch it, perhaps out of fear? Your fantasies, without porn, are always a better indicator of sexuality because your mind will go where it wants, and unconscious or subconscious desires reveal themselves. By the way, there may be members of the EC community who have suggested that you have HOCD, but I would bet it wasn't an Admin. There really is no such thing as HOCD (Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), as it is not recognized by the medical and scientific community. If you have been diagnosed with OCD, it is certainly possible to hyper-focus on sexuality, but that doesn't make it its own recognized disorder.
I agree with I’m Gay. Porn is designed to be arousing and is essentially a highly purified means of creating arousal. Sort of like heroin vs opium leaves. So it can be far more intense and arousing than what you might experience in real life. Also, as I said in my Last post, your issue is in the realm of OCD or anxiety and not a sexual orientation issue, so posting here will not be helpful to you. Please see a therapist. That will be a lot more helpful
Thank you both, and i don't mean to bother anyone or anything. I appreciate your answering this. It helps. And i just want to clear something up. Chip, i know you're probably tired of getting in arguments of this sort, but i mean, the thing does not have to have a completely exact clinical name to be real. There's harm OCD, pedophyle OCD, homosexual OCD. I understand your point, but why do you bother always pointing that it doesn't exist. You and i both know that it's a thing. Okay, if i just say my OCD is focused on homosexual fears, would it change anything? Potato, potatoe. Also, i won't post here anymore, since i know it's out of place. Have a nice week!
Actually, none of then OCD subsets you describe are recognized in the DSM, the Bible of mental health diagnosis and treatment. The point of clearing that up is that generally speaking, when a therapist starts digging into it with a client, other OCD patterns and behaviors emerge. And so the symptom package starts to match the DSM description for OCD. Or, in other cases, it can instead fit another diagnosis. That is why precise terminology is important. OCD does not manifest as solely a focus on pedophilia or homosexuality or anything else. That is simply the most obvious symptom. I hope this clarifies.
Hey. Just gonna stick in a question here, that has bothered me for a while. I fell in love with a dude, a friend at the time. One time when I was masturbation to straight porn, my mind just slipped into thinking about him instead ( never had any thought that I might be gay before this ), and it feelt better than any porn. After a while of denial I stoped watching porn and just fantisised about him instead. I have never really used my imagination for masturbation before this, and I cant fantisise about some someone random girl. In confusion I tried to watch gay porn yet I didn't like it too much, I prefered straight porn alot more. I dont know how to judge this, lets say internet porn wasnt a thing then I would be sure that Im gay, yet this makes me doubt, should it? Or should I just try to avoid counting is as any indicator?
The key point here is that you fell in love with him. When we fall in love with someone, our desire to be intimate with that person often goes off the scale. The fact that you started fantasising about him while watching porn is really rather incidental; the fact that you continued to fantasise about him while masturbating (without porn) is more telling. It doesn't necessarily mean you are gay, but it does mean you are capable of developing feelings for the same sex (even if it was just for that one guy)... and just because you developed those feelings it doesn't follow that you will find gay porn greatly stimulating. Many people who post in this part of EC - particularly those who are questioning, have a tendency to overplay the significance of porn. It really is a poor indicator of our sexuality.
My first real love was to a guy, and as you say this should mean that Im capable of loving a same-sex person. Yet I have this fear that I might not be capable of loving a same sex person, and that my love for him was just a one time thing, meaning it wont happen again. It ended very poorly this time since he is straight. While having this fear its hard to just try to dejt a gay guy, and I dont meet any openly gay people in my day to day life, and so I must turn to dejt apps, which I have
Unless you see two guys walking hand in hand down the boulevard and one is wearing a rainbow shirt that says "He's not actually my boyfriend" you aren't going to know if someone is gay just by looking at them. Your concern about being in love with a guy yet fearing you may never feel that level of love for another guy is valid. EVERYONE on earth both straight and gay has the same concern. Real love grows and develops between two individuals and doesn't just suddenly happen. Many people mistake obsession for love.
One of the things I dislike about porn is that too many people today have never learned to masturbate without it. I grew up in an era where porn existed but was mostly unattainable for a teenager. Like most other teenagers at the time, I had only my imagination to use. For me, I learned to masturbate to a variety of imagery. Sometimes it was a specific guy, sometimes it was a faceless body with a penis. But throughout my years of growing up, it was never a woman who entered my fantasies. Even though I tried so hard to not "be gay" I was betrayed nightly by my own fantasies. You said you aren't able to fantasize about a random, made-up woman in your mind. Are you able to do that with a guy? I would suggest cutting off all porn use for a couple of months. It might take you a few days, but your body will respond to just your imagination. But if you keep going back to porn you won't learn to use your own fantasies. It takes time to develop sexual fantasies, and each time you give up and go back to porn you're starting all over again. If you really want to know what's in your true fantasies, and therefore give you some more clues to your orientation, skip the porn and work on developing your sexual fantasies.
Giving up porn for a while might be a good idea. Should I avoid thinking about the guy I already know I like to fantisies about, and instead thinking about a random guy and a random girl and se which I like best I cant imagine it feeling as good as thinking about this guy, I have had close contact to, and have seen nude. But I guess I will find out
That's hard to say, I don't really know. I never attempted to "direct" my fantasies and force them to go in any particular direction. Perhaps start with him, and maybe try to add a guy for a threesome. Or focus on specific body parts that turn you on. Mostly, you should go where your body responds - wherever that happens to be.
