How do I deal with a crush that can't end well?

There's this incredibly cute and sweet girl that I really like, but there's no way that letting her know could end well. I'm stuck at a private religious school, so I'd be kicked out if it became known that I like girls, and my parents would throw me out of the house if they found out that I like girls. If everything goes as planned, I'll be graduating early and leaving for college in a couple of months anyway. So, even if she does like me in that way, we'd get, at best, a couple of months of sneaking around before I leave. She'd also be at risk of being kicked out of the school, and if her relationship with her parents is anything like mine, she'd be kicked out of the house too. Plus, while it certainly feels like she's flirting with me, I'm very inexperienced in this sort of thing, so it's quite possible she's not even interested in me in that way. What I need to do is figure out how to deal with this, because it's been extremely hard to not tell her how much I like her. I need to get this under control, because there is no good ending in sight if I tell her.

I need to figure out how to resist the temptation to tell her everything, or find a way to get over this crush fast, and I'll take all the help I can get. Does anyone know how to go about doing that?

 

I'm 16, and will be turning 17 in a couple of months. She's 17, and will turn 18 right around the time school lets out.

Knowing how she feels about me, especially if she feels the same way, is a wonderful fantasy. I admit to having constant daydreams about what it would be like if we were to get together. But, since there is no good outcome to this, my focus is (or should be) on trying to put all this behind me. I just have problems doing that when we see each other every day in class, and we've been assigned to work on a project together.

 

Writing a letter is a great idea. I usually use writing to organize my thoughts, so that I can impose some rationality on whatever's bothering me. I don't know why I didn't think of that for this situation. I guess I just suck at dealing with emotions.

Unfortunately, my fears are based on actual experiences. It was maybe a couple of months ago when a guy at this school came out to the wrong person, the principal heard about it, and I was working as a student aide in the office when the principal called him into the office with his parents and expelled him. As for my parents, their version of giving me "the talk" was to make sure I didn't let boys touch me in that way until I get married, and if I ever "choose" to become gay, I'm not welcome in their house. So, yeah, I have to stay in the closet until I can support myself. That's why I'm trying to put these feelings behind me, so that I'm not tempted to come out to her in hope that she likes me too.

 

I agree with what you've said here. I've been trying to deal with how much I like this girl and knowing that asking her out is just not a good idea. What I'm really struggling with is how to deal with those feelings, especially since we can't avoid each other at school. We're in a class together, and we've been assigned a project to work on together. So, since avoiding her isn't an option, I need another way to manage my feelings for her. Writing things down has helped a bit, but if there's something more that would help, I could really use it.

 

When it comes to physical activity, I rather enjoy swimming. Unfortunately, there is no pool available nearby, and it's too cold to go swimming at the lake. I may have to try some other form of exercise.

It's really hard to say if we're close friends, but that's because I'm normally the type of person who avoids others. I don't hang out with anyone, including her, outside of school or church. I will say that, at school and at church, she will always look for me. I've noticed that she will leave a group or a conversation to come say hi to me if she sees me. Of course, since I have these feelings for her, I can't say that I have a problem with that. Also, if I'm being totally honest, while I do actively avoid people outside of school and church, I would absolutely love to spend time with her just about anywhere and at any time.

 

I have no problem with the idea of being friends with her. That would be the best outcome by far. It just takes so much effort on my part to avoid trying to take things further, even though I know it's not a good idea. Daily contact and closeness with her is unavoidable, since we have class and a project together. So, yeah, it's hard at the moment. I suppose you're right when you say it will get better, I just want to get to that point as quickly as possible.