1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Before you completely knew you were gay, what did dating the opposite sex feel like?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Shy95, Feb 2, 2018.

  1. Shy95

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2014
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Fake? Hard work? Thanks for any answers :slight_smile:
     
  2. TigerStripes

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2016
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Maryland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    It was... odd. I was REALLY convinced I loved her, but so many little things bugged me a lot. It was terrible for my anxiety, and I didn't know why I was so extremely stressed until a while afterward.
    It was also all mixed up in being really religious, which, as I experienced it, wasn't so much anti-gay as anti-sex. We kissed and hugged and all, but I always thought of them as nice things I did FOR her because I really didn't get what the big deal was. I just thought I was the ULTIMATE respectful boyfriend, when it was really that I was forcing all gestures of attraction because "that's something a boyfriend does". We never slept together (although in hindsight there may have been signs she wanted to). At one point, she admitted to me that she had slept with a guy while we she was out on a college break. I was really "forgiving" and kind because she was honest, but I slowly realized I wasn't suppressing any sort of anger or sadness. I just... didn't actually care because I never thought about our relationship involving anything like that.

    That's my story. I hope there's some sort of insight in there for you.
     
  3. Shy95

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2014
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Thats really interesting, thank you! You said many little things bugged you, what kind of things?
     
  4. JaimeGaye

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2017
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    156
    Location:
    Illinois
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    In my mid twenties I began to think the exclusive homosexual relationships I had been involving myself in must just be a phase I was going through and all men eventually became heterosexual as they got older.
    In two attempts at straight relationships I found my idea to be completely wrong as these relationships were very awkward at best and very embarrassing and disturbing at their worst.
    The experiences reminded me of a quote I had read somewhere, "One cannot hide their true nature forever. Denial and hardship will always cause that what one truly is to eventually surface."
     
  5. OGS

    OGS
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2014
    Messages:
    2,716
    Likes Received:
    728
    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I dated and was sexually involved with women through high school and college and it was... fine. I enjoy people and sex feels good and my relationships were... nice. But there was a definite Peggy Lee element to it--"is that all there is?" It wasn't like it is in the movies or songs and I wasn't quite sure why people were so obsessed with it, but, well I feel that way about quite a few things so, oh well. It wasn't all fireworks but it was fun. I mean how many things really are like they are in the movies? Well, once I opened myself up to the possibility being with men, well, that was exactly like it is in the movies. Suddenly I understood what everyone was singing about. It wasn't even so much a questions of degree as a difference of kind. My attraction for and involvement with women seemed real and even enjoyable at the time, but in retrospect I think I really misinterpreted what I was feeling and was too quick to jump to the conclusion that I was actually experiencing what other people were experiencing.
     
    Bicchi likes this.
  6. TigerStripes

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2016
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Maryland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    If I had to describe "little things" it would be a lot like ^ that ^
    Like you hear EVERYWHERE about love and relationships and what they're supposed to be, and my time with that girl was nice... but it wasn't the revolutionary thing everyone seemed to be talking about. It's like if everyone was looking at a piece of art and talking about how great it was, and I was staring at the wall next to it saying "I guess I sort of see it."
    Or if you had a parrot, but you were always worried because it didn't seem to have feathers, or fly well, and it never learned to talk, so you can't stop thinking something might be wrong with it... then you realize it's a dog, and as a dog, it's perfectly normal.
     
    Bicchi and Cydonian Knight like this.
  7. pennylane1988

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2014
    Messages:
    174
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    National City
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It felth kind of meh. Like there was something missing and didn't know what. Also it felt that I was in that relationship because that's what I was supposed to do, not because I wanted.
     
  8. Shy95

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2014
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    How do you know it wasnt just a bad relationship, rather than it being you being gay?
     
    Silveroot likes this.
  9. Shy95

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2014
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    9
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Like what signs are there from being in a straight relationship that youre probably gay?
     
    Silveroot likes this.
  10. pennylane1988

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2014
    Messages:
    174
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    National City
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    At first I thought it was just a bad relationship and that I just didn't find the right guy, but a few months after I broke up with him something clicked in me and I just knew. I've always looked at girls in a way that I've never looked at guys. It was confusing at first, though. I realized that I only considered him a friend, I was not physically attracted to him (nor to the other guys I hooked up with in the past), didn't enjoyed sex and the idea of having to have sex with a man in the future wasn't something I was looking for. Also, I couldn't get my head around what the big deal about love and relationships was.