I'm an 18 year old college freshman, and I've lived all of my life in the closet. But now I've decided that I want to come out, ideally sometime during this year before I turn 19. I don't regret keeping myself in the closet after all this time, but now I feel that being in the closet during my college years is going to hinder my happiness and life experience. I guess what I am wondering is if coming out will be beneficial even if I'm currently not in a relationship with another guy and have never been in on for that matter. I am currently on an online dating site for gay men, but it's not working out well and I feel that coming out would make it easier to find a boyfriend. If I do come out, I would probably tell some of my friends here at college since I don't know how my parents would react, but I don't know if it will be beneficial or even worth it to come out if I'm not even in a relationship or even had a sexual encounter. Any thoughts would be appreciated
My knowledge in this sort of thing is mainly theoretical, since I'm very much in the closet and so I haven't had a date yet. But, it seems to me that coming out would make it easier to find someone to date, since a person who's interested in you wouldn't have to guess at whether or not you're gay. If your friends are cool and supportive, they may know someone that may be a potential match for you. Plus, if you're at a college that has an LGBTQ+ club or something along those lines, you could join it. I'm sure there's a few other gay men there. Whether or not you'd be interested in them is another question, but at least there would be some potential there. Ultimately, though, you're the best judge as to whether or not you're in a good place and time in your life for coming out. Personally, I'm looking forward to doing so because then I don't have to hide who I am anymore, but if you think it's better to wait, then don't let anyone talk you into coming out before you're ready. Conversely, if you feel like it's time, then go for it. Good luck!
I can tell from personal experience that yes, it is worh it. I was in your exact position when I started to come out. Never had a gf nor a sexual encounter with the same sex. At that time I only told my closest friends because that felt enough for me, but it was great being able to be myself around them and telling them about my crushes. You'll get more comfortable with yourself once you come out. Plus, it's easier to meet gay people, and who knows, even a future partner If you decide to come out, I wish you the best of luck!
neverix963....Welcome to empty closets! Hey, coming out really has nothing to do with having/had/or getting a boyfriend. You don't have to have been with another guy to know that you are gay. How many straight folks have never been with someone, but know for sure that they are straight...practically all of them! It's recognizing/accepting who you are. What is important is that it is very much your choice...when to come out, how to come out, who to come out to. Some people shout it to the world, others only share their sexuality with those close to them...no one is exactly the same. If you feel that you want to be out while at college, that's your choice. I think guys who are publicly out probably do have a little better chance of finding a boyfriend as you are more visible. But...you will be more visible! So if that's ok with you then go for it. There is certainly nothing at all wrong with looking for a relationship, but remember that your sexuality is more then just a relationship...it's a big part of who you are. .....David
It's a bit unclear from your post how being in the closet is affecting your social life, but if I were you I would just go ahead and say to other men that you're interested in that you're gay and in the process of coming out (assuming they ask about that). See how things go and how you feel about it. No need to make an announcement about it ... just let the information roll out naturally to whomever as you find your way through life.
