So I am 30 years old. All of my life, I have always been a tom boy and have never been particularly girly. I don't like to wear makeup and I am much more comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. I played sports, all of those basic stereotypes. I have always assumed I was straight. I have recently begun questioning this however. A few weeks ago, I broke up with a guy I had been dating for 2 months. He was nice, attractive, and everything else a girl could want. When we finally slept together, it was alright. But afterwards, I had zero desire to do it again. And the whole time we were together, I had absolutely zero sex drive. Once I broke up with him, it returned immediately. And now men are just......not appealing. This is what kinda got me questioning myself. I have never dated a guy longer than a month or two. I think I like them, but then it never develops into anything other than a friendship for me. I have always felt different than other girls, my entire life. I have never been able to quite place why this is. The thought of being with a woman is foreign to me, but not off-putting. I grew up in a very conservative household where gay people were made fun of. I think I just pushed the idea of being gay in the back of my mind and never let it surface. But now that I have seriously been questioning my sexuality, I almost feel at peace with myself like never before. I have hated myself for so long, because I am not what society says a girl should be like. I'm finally beginning to say to myself "f*** what everyone else says, I want to be me." My question is, has anyone else ever began to question their sexuality later in life like this? And how do I go deeper into finding out if I actually am a lesbian?
Although I can't give advice on the later in life thing, I say if you want to "go deeper into finding out" if you're gay, just experiment! And this is not necessarily a sexual experiment, just try out reading/listening to/interacting with lesbian media in general, or even just thinking about yourself with a girl! You'll hear people say this a lot but I'll say it too since it's just so true: only you can truly know! Just familiarize yourself with lesbian culture and the idea of being a woman who loves women and see where it goes from there! And if you don't end up at a definitive label, that's fine too :^) Hope this helped!
I'm 50 and I'm only now feeling more secure about my orientation. I knew I probably wasn't 100% straight but I kept going with guys and trying to believe I was straight. I agree with the advice above - thinking about it and just seeing what develops. And don't forget that even if you decide you are not gay you can still say "f*** gender roles."
Hi, I’m new here and I am going through something similar to you. I’m 37 years old, married with 3 children. Like you it’s always been there in the back of my mind. I’ve accepted that I’m gay but only a handful of people know. I am currently separating with my husband. I have no plans, as of yet, to come out. I just know that the life I’m living doesn’t feel natural to me and I deserve some happiness for the rest of it. Before my husband I was dating guys like you, never enjoyed sex, only lasting a few months at most. I loved hanging out but didn’t want the intimacy. I spoke to a friend who told me that my sexual preference will be what gender i fantasise about the most. It has always been women and I’ve always felt bad about it. A few years ago when I admitted it to myself my plan was to take my own life rather than face it. I feel now that my children need me whether I’m gay or not. I guess having children has saved me. I’m definitely on a journey and know that it’s not too late for me, it’s definitely not to late for you. I have met women and explored my sexuality at various points in my life. I don’t advocate cheating but for the last year I have been seeing a married woman in a similar situation and we see each other every few months. I know it’s wrong but she has kept me alive. I know we won’t be together, she will never leave her husband but we have been a good support. My advice to you would be to seek and explore. If you have to do it privately at first so be it. You are not doing anything wrong and you’ll know for sure if it’s a woman you need to be with. If it is? Trust me you will want more and you will get braver and stronger everyday. You have more than half of your live to live you deserve to be happy for the rest. X
