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How to keep a will to live?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by gaynonsense, Feb 1, 2018.

  1. gaynonsense

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    I've been struggling with depression a lot, and some days, or even sometimes a week or two, will be really good. Those are always followed by a hard down. Each time it gets harder and harder to deal with.

    I almost hate this more than when I didn't really have the ups. This feels like things are finally going my way, then it all gets ripped from under me.

    I've attempted suicide before, and it's becoming more and more inviting. I've been struggling for almost 4 years now. I'm in counseling, I've got a good support network, and things of the like, but it doesn't really feel like it. This depression takes that from me, even though it's right there.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired, a tired I've never really been before. I'm losing my will to fight.
     
  2. PatrickUK

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    Are you taking any medication to help you cope with the depression? Medication is not a solution and I wouldn't even begin to suggest that it is, but it can help to take the edge off the worst feelings that you are experiencing. If you are on medication and it doesn't seem to be working in this regard maybe ask about trying something else.

    It's good that you have a support network and counsellor and I wonder if you have told them what you have told us? It's especially important that your counsellor knows how much you struggle and how you feel during these lows. Maybe he/she can suggest some good coping strategies.

    Depression is an absolute bitch when it sucks the life and joy out of you and it is hard to push back and fight against it, but you are probably doing better than you imagine. When we are depressed our perspective is blackened and we find it hard to see any positives, but even from reading your message I can see that there is cause for hope. We do need to stay connected for that outside perspective and I would certainly urge you to do so. Most importantly, don't bottle your feelings up.
     
    becKEY0011 likes this.
  3. Confoozed

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    Hello, fellow depressed person here.

    I'm on meds which took away most of the suicidal thoughts but what I think really got me out of ever wanting to end things is I found a very strong reason to live. It's something that will never change and no matter how hard things get I always have this reason why I just will not do it.

    Anyway please reach out to us I'll always be willing to talk and will try to understand, please just please don't harm yourself or give up on life *hugs*...
     
  4. becKEY0011

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    You have reached out, so I'd like to first congratulate you on your effort because so many people find it hard to do. There is hope out there so please hold on.

    I am not a professional, but I've been through those dark chapters of my life. And it was hard! But now I can say with confidence that my decision to hold on, to stay, was the best decision I've made.

    1. Get one of these, print it out, and use it. https://psychologytools.com/worksheets/free/english_us/cbt_thought_record_free_en-us.pdf Don't know about others, but it helped me loads.

    2. Create a hobby. Painting, learning a new language, maybe a gym membership or a yoga group. You don't have to force yourself out of your comfort zone. Just try and remain busy and active, and have something to look forward to. (I for one looked forward to meeting clean bandit one day. It doesn't have to be super meaningful. Look forward to eating in that one fast food chain that's still under construction in your neighborhood)

    3. Keep a gratefulness journal. Start slow, it might seem hard at first, as if you've got nothing to write to write down in there, but believe me with passing days, you'll be full to the brim with things to be grateful for.

    4. Remember that ending your life might end your pain, but would also end your ability to feel happy. This was a great revelation to me back then, even now. The words spoke to me. Keep the hope up. Try to find deeper meanings in the most overused cliche phrases people use to comfort others.

    5. Get a pet! Go on walks with them, feed them, take care of them, play with them. And know that you being alive and healthy is keeping them healthy and happy as well.

    6. Watch educational ted-ed videos, maybe khanacademy, veritaseum, buttonpoetry etc. Sounds childish, but sometimes only knowledge can free us from our agony that empty phrases cannot do.

    7. Avoid toxic people at all costs. And no matter how tempting, avoid talking to the debbie downers. They may sound oh-so realistic and profound, but THEY ARE NOT. Pessimism does not equate to intelligence.

    8. Always know that you can change your therapist if you guys don't click together.

    9. Stay hydrated and well fed. Keep a water bottle always by your side. And remember, alcohol and drugs makes things worse, so stay away from those.

    Hope things improve for you!
     
  5. becKEY0011

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    100% agree with that.
     
  6. Confoozed

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    Thanks this helped me too and I can totally agree with no.7 I've already been doing that even though many see it as wrong to cut almost everyone out of your life, yes almost everyone fell into this category...
     
  7. gaynonsense

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    I'm not on any medication. The whole idea scares me, and I'm under 18, so I can't just go to the doctor or anything without my parents holding my hand the entire way, and I really don't want them to see this any more than they have to. I love them and they've got enough to worry about. I'm just afraid to admit that this isn't something I can get over — I shouldn't be seeing as it's been so long — and I don't want to be faced with needing some pills to be happy. The whole idea is just terrifying to me.

    I have told my friends that I do get this way, but when I start to get low, I can really see it that it hurts them too. They don't really know what to do or say and it scares them because they want to help and they don't want to lose me. I don't talk to them as much as I'd like about these things because I don't want them to worry. I talk to my counselor, but sometimes it can be really, really difficult to say how I feel. Other times, I can't really share how I feel because I'm not really there, and I block that out the best I can when I'm not there. I guess I'm good at it because it's really hard to describe if I'm not that low at the moment.

    Finally, I couldn't say it any better myself. Another reason it's hard to reach out sometimes is because my friends don't feel as close when I'm down. It's nothing on their part, it's just my mind playing tricks on me. I start to question and doubt everything; especially regarding one specific person. That's a long story in and of itself.

    I'm glad to hear that the medications can help. I've heard some really mixed things before and that doesn't make it any easier to consider. Also, I really appreciate the support.

    I'll try and keep those tips in mind. I try to follow #2 when I can find the energy, it helps a lot to get my mind away, and when I can, I like to sleep. It's a sure-fire way to refresh. I've already got #3 covered, and it can really be hard to find things to fill it with. I would kill to go along with #5, but sadly I can't in my current situation. I'm a huge dog person. Right now, I'm substituting with a couple plants I just started growing. #7, usually try to avoid these people, for lots of reasons. They're just no fun to be around, which can be scary too. Sometimes I feel like I might be that person to others. Just to share a few thoughts.

    I really appreciate the advice!
     
  8. womaninamber

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    I have major depression and it has been there throughout my life. These days I'm feeling much better than I used to. I like that list of tips above - I just saved the CBT worksheet for myself.

    One tip from me: If you like something and it's a positive thing helping you, let it help you feel better and don't worry that it's "silly" or "trivial." Sometimes I have hung in there because of a Pokemon game, or because of my favorite band. Was it silly, well maybe, but I got through the horrible times with that and I'm feeling better now. But if you had asked me during the bad times I would have said there was no possibility that I would ever feel better. (And often did say that.)

    I don't mean to talk so much about myself - just, I've been there and I know how hard it can be to have hope. But continue to reach out. Definitely don't give up.
     
    #8 womaninamber, Feb 2, 2018
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2018
  9. Confoozed

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    My pleasure, talk to me if you need help or just a listening ear...
     
  10. PatrickUK

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    Sometimes it's easier to be honest about our feelings with a complete stranger who is totally unconnected to our life or personal circumstances, and sometimes it's easier to let things out in writing than it is in a face to face situation. Do you find it easier to write things down here (in this thread)? If you do, keep using it. Might it be easier to write some things down for your counsellor, if you find it really difficult to say how you feel? The most important thing is to remain open and avoid closing yourself off, even if it seems easier.

    If you would like to talk a bit more, you are welcome to click on my profile and send me a private message.