-questioning my sexual orientation. So I'm 18, and have been in a (only one) relationship with a guy before. It lasted for over a year, but we didn't go very far; only made out. (Both too nervous to go any further) prior to this I just assumed I was straight, I never really thought about my sexual orientation that much at all. In all honesty, I didn't really find him that physically attractive, mediocre, I kinda fell for his personality amongst our big group of friends rather than looks. Since the relationship ended, I changed friendship groups. Now, when my new friends are all sitting around, chatting about boys and their male celebrity crushes, I just can't get into it..I really don't have that fascination for guys like most of them seem to do. I met a girl in my new group who now, I think I might be developing feelings for. We both talk a lot about personal stuff, in person and in text, so as it sits, we are good friends who really trust each other. There are a few small things that I've noticed that hint to me at the possibility of her not being straight, and in her absence, other girls in my friendship group have brought up a discussion about how they think she is might be a lesbian. ( discussions I don't become part of because I find it rude to be guessing someone's sexual orientation based of stereotypical things) I find myself becoming a little nervous in her presence, also wanting to impress her.(as I did in my relationship with the guy) I notice that I'm often looking for ways to hang out with her or at least be near her, and there's a few instances where I think she does the same- eg at a party, she was always watching where I was and was and hung around me all night. I have also found myself imagining kissing and cuddling with her, which is why I'm here questioning my sexual orientation. I'm not sure if this is just a desire for a genuine, supportive person in my life (something I currently lack) like a close friendship with someone, or something else. There is also another girl at my school who I was good friends with before I changed friendship groups. Our friendship kinda faded when I stopped hanging out with her group, but now we have a class together, so are around each other a little more often, and she has since come out as lesbian, and now I find myself wanting to hang around with her again. I'm genuinely attracted to people's personalities, that's why I an friends with many of my current friends, but meh...I dunno. I don't know if I like girls, (but after reading what I just wrote, and reading other threads on this site, it seems like I do) or perhaps guys, (but I haven't found the right one to prove it to myself), or maybe I'm bi! Argh! I'm just a bit lost help? Anyone been in a similar situation? (Sorry about the essay, the info is all over the place. I've never really talked about this stuff before )
Hi! I'm a little bit older than you but I can relate to what you're writing. I once realized I was attracted to one of my female friends, and soon started questioning everything I did and thought - still is the case. I ended up dating my friend for a few months. For a long time I thought it was just her but I then started to notice how I would look at girls more, watch more shows with lesbians in it and feel appealed towards girls once I learn they are bi or gay (wether they are people I know or like actresses). But still I wonder if I'm making things up! I've come to the conclusion that I'm not straight. What does that entail? I don't really know yet - maybe I do and don't want to face it quite yet. You could be in the same situation. Or it could just be that girl. Or you are starting to realize something about yourself. In any case, my point is, time will tell. There could be something more to that attraction or not. I feel that talking about it with someone (if you have people to talk to about that) could help you process those thoughts and get you out of your own head. Questioning can make you go crazy. Although it hasn't helped me with figuring what I am, I find that reading people' stories on here, other forums and watching shows and movies does help to better grasp the idea that I could be gay and "normalize" it for me so to speak (not that it's not normal, but the idea of not having the life you always pictured can be daunting). Don't know if anything I said answered any of your questions. I hope it helped a bit
Thanks heaps for that! Its my first time on any of these sort of sites, and its nice to know that people are willing to take the time to help other people!
I agree that you might only just be coming to a point of realisation and that's fine. At 18 you are still young and you have plenty of time to reflect on your feelings and work things out and I would recommend you do just that. Don't try to force the issue or rush to a decision, but just let the feelings come and go for a while and see what happens (and how you feel) when they do. At this stage it's probably best to say you are questioning. The questioning label isn't one many of us like, but it's actually a good holding label while we work things out. Coming to Empty Closets and reading the different threads on the forum might provide you with some answers. If you have a good look around, you might find one post that summarises your feelings perfectly. Also, don't be afraid to post again and talk to us. On a different day a different member might have some great advice for you - we learn a lot from each other here.
I was in the same exact situation as you are years ago when I started questioning my sexual orientation. I fell for a guy in my early 20's, my first bf. I really like his personality because we had so many things in common and doing stuff with him was really fun, but that was all. I wasn't physically attracted to him, sex was like a chore and something was missing in our relationship. I broke up with him and realized that I liked him only as a friend. For a while I thought that it was just that I didn't find the right one, but then I started thinking about the way I look to girls, how I always got female celebrity crushes, how great it would be being in a relationship with a girl, etc and something clicked. It took a while, though. The best advice I can give you is take your time and be true to your feelings
