I'm so sorry, this question might have been asked before but it's bugging me so much. Really very much. Straight men objectify bi women, lesbians (as far as I have come to know from the internet) don't trust bi women at all << One of the many reasons I am still not out. I know my mom would love me no matter what, but I'd have to give up the prospect of a nice, loving relationship, ever getting married...everything. And then there are these awfully biphobic videos out there made by lesbians themselves. The disgust etched in their faces just by the mere mention of bisexuality. What have I done wrong? I know they do not represent the majority, but it's hard to think that way all the time. The one place I thought I'd be accepted, but there is still ignorance everywhere. I can't jump to conclusions just by seeing those. So if you are a lesbian seeing this, just...honestly say what you think of bisexuals. I want answers. I don't get monosexuality, the insecurity and hate concerning bi people...at all. They say bisexuality is just a checkpoint towards embracing your real sexuality - gay. It might be the case for many. What if this isn't the case for me? I know who I am, I don't need to verify, or experiment. I just feel so dirty sometimes for being bisexual. I wish I was just gay or straight.
Hey girl. So I actually don't know for sure whether I'm gay or bi, but at this point I'm kind of thinking I'm gay. Either way, you need to know that with absolute, concrete certainty I can say there is nothing wrong with you, and that you have done nothing wrong. You are correct, there is a prejudice against bisexuals found both in the straight and gay communities. But that has nothing to do with bisexuals themselves, and everything to do with that you're different. The simple way of putting this is that just because you're a lesbian does not mean you are an open-minded, good person. A lesbian is just a person who likes girls. They could still be a really judgemental or close-minded person. Just as a straight person may see a gay person and label them "different", a gay person may see a bisexual person and label them "different". The problem with our minds is that they are built to protect us, and quite simply they are built to fear things that are different than us simply because we don't understand them. And fear is the precursor to hate. But there is no such thing as "all lesbians hating bisexuals" just as there is no such thing as "all white people hating pizza". Sure there are going to be some people who hate it, but there will also be those that love it. What I'm trying to say is that hating or liking something is done on an individual basis, and something like 'being a lesbian' is such a small portion of a person's personality that it is pretty insignificant in determining whether or not they accept people different from themselves. But if they're such a close-minded person, would you really find a loving relationship with them anyway? Trust me when I say there are an incredible amount of lesbians, straight people, and otherwise that truly support and accept the bisexual community. I have a good friend who is bisexual and she is currently in a very happy and loving relationship. So please do not feel like you are "wrong" in some way. You are perfect being you, whatever that means. And if people can't accept you, then they aren't the right people for you. There will always be hate in this world, no matter who is giving or receiving it. They key is just being so totally in love with yourself and your friends that you stop looking to the outside world for approval. You can just be you, and that's beautiful. I truly believe that if we can look at people and love them for who they are in this very moment, as a changing and evolving human being, flaws and all, we can change the world just a little bit for the better. And we can make our own lives a bit easier too. I don't know if this helped or not but I just wanted to talk it through with you. Wishing you the best of luck, and know that you have at least one friend here that will support you no matter what. All the best, Nicki
Thanks a lot NickiFire, your reply put a smile on my face. I mean, I can't expect EVERYONE to like me, that's way to far fetched. I have always had this issue: to impress everyone. Is it possible? Never. I was honestly way too carried away in sadness after seeing a couple of biphobic videos. There will be people who disapprove, who don't understand, that's how life is. I need to toughen up and get over it.
If you really want to...yeah why not. But I got my answers. I don't really care what others think of me, I'm past that...
I have the same issue, believe it or not. I really really care what people think about me sometimes. But that's just something we'll have to navigate and you know what, being ourselves is just too incredible to let other people get in the way of it. Remember, all the amazing people who we look up to, they all have haters. But they don't let their haters or even doubters prevent them from being themselves and doing what they want to do. You've just gotta hold your head up sometimes and say f*** it, I'm going to do things my way. It's not about being tough all the time, but god darn it when you need to be tough, be tough. And don't forget, you don't have be amazing all the time to get where you want to go. Don't be afraid when things don't go as planned. Sometimes you have to fall a bit before you fly, you know? Well good luck with everything. If you ever want to chat, hit me up. We're all kind of in this together, aren't we?
I have to admit that I hated being in a relationship with a bisexual woman and constantly felt threatened by anything with a pulse, but eventually I realized that this was my problem, not hers. It eventually ended our relationship because i just couldn't handle it. Now, I think bisexuals in general are so courageous and I am in full support of all my bi friends, regardless of who they are with. I never doubt their "gayness" and just want to see them happy.
Your honesty is appreciated. I wish more people were like you, willing to learn because we aren't born with all the knowledge. There is always room for improvement.
That is why I refuse to identify as Lesbian. I have the feeling that lots of, but not all, Lesbians are like a glee club and if you don't fit their little idea of what makes a Lesbian, you are tossed out.
Uh, I don't think that's a good mindset to have? That's applying something that isn't necessarily true to an entire group based on your experience, which is kind of prejudiced. I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but I don't thinks it's really fair of you to say that "lots" of lesbians are a certain way because of some negative experiences you've had with them. It's like to say one race is like this because of your own experience. I don't mean to be rude or start an argument, but I hope that you can understand where I'm coming from?
For a while I kind of felt the same; I constantly felt like if I wasn't gay in the same way everyone else was (in my community at the time), then I wasn't going to be accepted. I felt like I had to jump through all of these hoops just to prove my own gayness, which is probably why I projected those feelings onto bisexuals at the time. Not a healthy group. Anyway, it's crazy how different our experiences can be when I struggles are so similar.
I'm happy that you're feeling more comfortable with yourself!!! Just be who you are and if people think it's wrong or not good enough, I'd say screw them!!! Lol as long as you're happy with who you are it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks
We will have to agree to disagree on this. I know you are not trying to start a problem, I get where you are coming from, however at 48, I have met a lot of different LGBT people and in my experience, older lesbians seem to have an issue with women who will not identify as lesbian, or have slept with men, transfolk etc. There are more labels than just Lesbian. Many many more! I identify at Queer Femme, as that label fits me. I cannot say that I will NEVER sleep with a male again, nor do I say that I will not date a masculine presenting person(of any gender)The search for a label that defines me was brought on by several lesbians who felt I did not fit their idea of WHAT a lesbian should be. (actually, a woman's support group who I had turned to for support) Do ALL Lesbians say this? Of course not, but it seems to be many in my age range and of course I can only surmise based on my life experiences not what your experiences are(God, I hope things have gotten better for you guys!) I still see many, not all, lesbians as policing what makes a real lesbian. I see this daily and have friends of my age who have gone through the same thing. Especially being part of the Butch/Femme dynamic, I get shamed and minimized as a women who is trying to be part of the heterosexual ideal. Perhaps it is an age difference.....but again I hope that younger LGBT gals change this!
Personally, I have no problem with bisexual people. Yes, I'm going to want to know if a girl I may end up physically involved with has a sexual history, but I don't care who it's with, so long as she is honest with me and I have enough information to make an informed decision. If we're in a relationship, I don't care if she's attracted to other people of any gender, so long as she's not cheating on me. That's pretty much it. If the girl I'm with will be honest and not cheat on me, then I'm absolutely fine with it.
I used to think I was bisexual when I was younger. I went from I'm going to marry some cute boy (though the ring and outfit not the guy were on the forefront of my mind) to thinking I might be bisexual when I was about 12-14. Then I got to the age where I started thinking about sex and realised boys were not for me. I like being friends with them and talking to them but past that not my thing. I don't have a problem with people who like both sexes but personally I'm all lesbian. I don't think there's anything wrong with bisexuality, it's like gay or straight to me it's just one more sexual orientation.
