Lesbians: what was being with men like?

I'm still unsure of my orientation but I would say at this point that I'm only interested in dating women. Dating men wasn't bad, and being married felt OK at the time - I wanted to be married and was convinced I was straight, or maybe a little bit bi, but definitely into men. That had a lot to do with my religious beliefs at the time. I would say my husband and I had a spiritual connection and a romantic one, and I can't say I ever thought something was missing - except in one area, which was sex. I enjoyed cuddling and kissing and sometimes foreplay, but when it came to actual intercourse I felt nothing and could not figure out why some women liked it so much. I know I could be straight or bi and just not like intercourse, but due to other factors I'm leaning toward thinking I would enjoy sex with a woman (if I ever get to have it) more than I did with men.

I notice when men are attractive about as often as I notice women are attractive, which is not very often. I think I'm just slowing down in that area in general. But with women if I actually meet them I sometimes start wondering if they are straight and if they are single. With men I don't really do that at this point.

 

I haven't concluded what my exact orientation is yet, but I know my preference for women isn't going anywhere. I have had only one relationship-I was virgin before that-and we weren't married. I felt his lust, but I could only give some sexy performance which was just that, an act. I wasn't feeling the thrill of being seen as sexy by him. I liked the appreciation, the attention and validation of being seen as a sexual being and I was glad to gain experience and satisfy my curiosity. However after all the things I was curious about where done, I didn't want to continue with sex. The relationship had other problems too, but I was never the one initiating sex and I didn't feel lusty for him in the same way he felt for me. No matter how much I tried, I just couldn't make myself yearn for him and he had style, he was nice to look at in general. My body felt good only during the acts, I never fantasized about him later on. I had thoughts of sadness because I realized if I stayed with him I'd never be with another woman. I had nightmares he discovered my same-sex attraction and felt cheated on. I caught myself wishing he was a woman while we were having sex. My body and mind were extremely excited by this mental image. I also felt bad that I couldn't feel the same with his actual face and body as male.

Notable awkward moment: The first time I caressed his flat chest I was weirded out because my hands had nothing to cup on. I was like 'No breasts! My hands fall right off, nothing to feel there. Will he feel emasculated if I do anything with his nipples? Better not to do that anyway' *sigh*

You get the idea.

Does anyone relate to this?

 

What did dating/being married to a man feel like? Married 16 years to a transwoman, so physically male and boy friends before that. It was tolerable. I did love him, like a friend and of course as a teen it was all about hormones. I enjoyed the sex 15% of the time, but the rest of the time I had to think about women to get turned on.(which leads me to the story of my youngess daughters conception...lol that Kate Winslet, my youngest is my Titanic baby!)

Was all physical contact bad or was some of it good? Orgasms feel great, even if given by a male
Was any spiritual/mental/romantic connection good? so so. I feel so much more connected to women
Do you notice if men are attractive Hell yes! I do not identify as Lesbian, and yes, i find men attractive, just don't want sex with them.

 

One of my first boyfriends, who was my first sexual partner, had really big nipples and I loved playing with them. I was disappointed when I found out most guys have very small nipples. I can't say I fantasized about women at the time but in retrospect I wonder. I would initiate sex because I thought we should be having sex, but I didn't enjoy it and he knew that so he wasn't very enthusiastic. I also remember drinking alcohol (rare for me) when with the same guy and noticing I felt a little horny when usually I did not. I don't remember the relationship very well but apparently I didn't want to have sex with him very much, and since he was nice and didn't want to pressure me we didn't do it often.

 

What did dating/being married to a man feel like?
I was engaged to a guy in my early 20s. We were each others firsts. In the beginning, I was like oh, this is exciting but soon started dreading everything. I was already to the point of not wanting to have sex with him (only on very rare occasions did I want sex/sexual attention from him). Sex was like a chore. We were doing long distance for a few months and I was relieved to not be around him. I had not desire to plan the wedding and that was awful as well. He broke it off about 6 months later. I cried, but was also relieved at the same time as I was starting to realize that those feelings meant that I wasn't truly in love with him. Even after that, I wasn't ready to accept myself and spend a few years trying to "find myself" by dating other guys, casual hookups, etc.

Was all physical contact bad or was some of it good?
For me, I like physical contact such as holding hands and snuggling on the couch. That was about where I drew the line with good physical contact. Anything sexual/beyond that, I did not enjoy. Intoxicated me did enjoy a good make-out session every now and then though... but preferred kissing women over men.

Was any spiritual/mental/romantic connection good?
This is interesting because I kind of use this to explain my sexuality to people. I can still find a man attractive, but looks is as far as it goes. I never felt an emotional connection and saw most guys I dated as friends rather than romantically interested in them. I was never able to truly establish deeper feelings for a man no matter how hard I tried or how much I cared about/liked the guy.

Do you notice if men are attractive?
I believe I've answered this above, but yes, I can appreciate an attractive man. Aside from that, there's no further interest. Men don't turn me on, the idea of sex with a man is not appealing at all to me. Which is different with women. I am in a committed relationship now, but I find women attractive and do feel the emotional, romantic, physical connection with my fiance that I never felt with a man.