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Should have honored my bisexuality earlier in life

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by JadeLotus, Jan 27, 2018.

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  1. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2018
    Messages:
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    Location:
    Chicago, IL
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey all. Thanks so much for giving me the opportunity to express myself. I'm so grateful. Right now I am struggling a bit with my sexuality. I imagine my experience is somewhat of a cliche that many before me have spoken and written about, but nevertheless, I would greatly appreciate some input. I have grappled with being bisexual vs. Lesbian at various points in my life, but I have always been in relationships with men because it has been the safe and easy thing to do. I really wish I had honored my sexuality at a younger age and dated women, which is a desire that I have suppressed for a long time. I actually decided I was gay for a few months in my early 20's and eventually told my then-boyfriend about it, but then said, "false alarm! I'm just crazy," and maybe stuffed some feelings deep down inside? Now at age 29, it is a strange time where I am yearning to settle down and have a family. This is what is keeping me in my relationship with my boyfriend, aside from the fact that he's good to me and we get along. I don't always know what I want and find it difficult to trust my inner voice, as I often change my mind. Sometimes I think I love my boyfriend though it is more like a fraternal love (That's normal after bring in a long term relationship, though, right?!), and other times I feel really obsessed with the idea that I'm actually gay and that if I left my boyfriend and pursued women, my life would dramatically change, everything would suddenly make sense and come into perspective and I'd be the person I've always meant to be. However, I am really afraid of taking a chance only to end up feeling like I made the wrong decision. My current boyfriend actually accused me of being gay a couple years ago and was pushing me to go have sex with a woman to see if it was true, but this seemed like an absurd plan and my feelings were hurt so nothing more came of it. Anyway, This dilemma keeps reemerging in all my relationships. I always get to a point where these thoughts about dating women pop up again, but how do I know it's not just a normal "grass is greener on the other side" fantasy? Blarg. Can any of you ladies or gents relate?
     
    #1 JadeLotus, Jan 27, 2018
  2. shadowalex

    shadowalex
    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    New England
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I guess its up to you for what would make you happy. If you are unhappy in your current relationship you can always say so and that you want to pursue other people. But if your current relationship is great besides the notion that you might be bisexual, then perhaps you should stay if you feel that would be best. Thats just my opinion though.

    Otherwise, you don't need to have sex with a woman to make sure if you are gay/bi or not, but for a lot of people it probably it helps. Personally I knew deep down that I was attracted to women long before sex was even in the picture. That was my experience anyways. You have your own experiences and dating history to look back on. Whatever you choose to do to figure stuff out is up to you. But its not right for your boyfriend to push you to have sex with someone else to figure out your sexuality. Questioning attraction/sexuality after being in a long term relationship is normal. Sometimes it takes being in a long term relationship to figure out that something is off. But really, it usually helps to talk these things out with your partner, especially if you are no longer questioning and are sure of your sexuality. I hope this made sense. Good luck.
     
    #2 shadowalex, Jan 29, 2018
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