Hey guys, 25-year old guy from a conservative family. I'm not officially "out" to anyone, but my younger brother discovered I was gay and told my mom. I just graduated college, and am currently living at home while I look for a career job. I love my family to death, but part of me just wants to disappear and start fresh without telling anyone. Just pack up my things and move, cutting off all contact from friends and family. Not only is the stress of hiding my sexuality destroying me emotionally, but I just can't take the crushing expectations of internships, job prospects, and other various mid-20's stuff. All my conservative college friends are getting hitched, having babies, or doing whatever-the-hell they want to, so why am I bound to certain expectations while they fucking enjoy their 20's? Would it be insane to just forget everything and start completely fresh somewhere else? Maybe start dating and enjoy life for once? Maybe it's just late-night rambling, but I really can't take my current situation anymore. I don't have any support system around here even if I did choose to come out to them.
Can you maybe get a temporary job, any job, so you can move out and live free? That would be a start, and then you can look for a more permanent position. Of course you should be happy and live your life to the fullest. Hiding is hard.
Do what makes you happy, doesn't matter if it's right or wrong. If you love your family, surely your family will love you. No matter what, they will accept you for who you are. Couple of years ago, I have chosen my family in favor of my own happiness. Later on, when I opened up to them, all they want is for me to be happy. But it was too late. I lost the person that I love.
With family, it can be helpful to try to set less permanent boundaries before just disappearing forever. I have friends from conservative families who ran away, never looked back, and are now leading happy successful lives, but family connection is important to some people. Before completely cutting contact, you could try moving away but still staying in contact. You didn't say how your mother reacted to finding out you're gay, which could also be an important consideration. If your family is making you feel unhappy and uncomfortable, then it's probably in your best interest to at least move-out sooner rather than later. Remember, this problem isn't black or white. There are options that are somewhere between living with your family 24/7 and disappearing into the night and never speaking to them again. If finances are a concern, there are many organisations that help find affordable housing/jobs for LGBT people.
"Running away" is just that. And not really a rational response - unless you have something better to go to. Like it or not, you are now adult. Maybe its time you stood your ground and confronted these things. It may not be as horrific as you think. In fact the opposite may become true. Alternatively, maybe you do need a "Plan B" which could be to relocate to another city, or just move out of home but stay in your local town.
