i’m ftm transgender, i’ve been out publicly for 5 months now but i’ve known i was trans since i knew the term, which was 2 years ago and even before that i only wore boy clothes and had short hair. my parents are divorced, they have split custody and i switch off between them weekly. so when i came out to my mom she was super supportive and she’s been supportive ever since, she’s always the one who takes incentive to help me when she sees that i’m down because of dysphoria or anything. i could not be more grateful for her. my dad, on the other hand, kinda sucks at understanding everything. and i mean he grew up in poverty in downtown new york in the 60s so he wasn’t ever exposed to this kind of thing, and was always taught to hate what’s different because him being asian, he was bullied a ton. when i came out to him he said that he would “support me whatever i chose to be” which is a good start but it definitely showed that he doesn’t really understand that it’s not a choice. and if anything, he’s just getting worse now. he only uses he/him when he’s around my accepting siblings or friends, and he thinks it’s a phase and that i’ll change my mind by the time i’m 18. he won’t educate himself, won’t read articles i send him, and it’s so frustrating. he yells at me all the time, sometimes hits me when i try to defend myself. i just don’t know how he’s ever gonna change and it feels so hopeless. my mom scheduled a gender appointment for march, told my dad he had to come and also talked to him about my depression and suicidal thoughts, to which he responded “oh i thought she was doing better.” it’s so hard to expect anything out of him and it fucking sucks i don’t even know what to do anymore. anyways this was a long ass rant and i don’t know exactly what i want people to respond to it but whatever.
galaxythief....Ok the first thing that jumps out at me is that your father hits you. I sure don't want to cause you any more problems than you already have, but that is not acceptable. Tell your mother. If she won't do something about it...tell your school counselor or a teacher. It needs to stop. Especially If this is an anger reaction! As for your father's negative attitude, as you say his childhood probably has made him fearful of anything that is "different". On top of that he MAY be having problems with your Trans status due to his societal background ( I AM NOT CRITICISING ASIAN SOCIETY!). Many older Asian folks were raised in a very male dominated heteronormative environment that makes understand transgendered folks difficult. Many kudos to ANYONE raised that way who has learned to respect and care about people no matter how they identify! You may never be able to change his mind, but don't stop trying. Try writing him short notes that tell him about something that you are dealing with at the moment. Really do make them short, maybe three or four sentences. He might read short notes, where a long letter would just get thrown away. If he does actually read them, after a while you could gradually make them longer and then try to start conversations about the notes with him. Don't know if that would work, but Hey! it's worth a try! Hang in there and YOU BE YOU! .....David
I'm going to give you a piece of valuable advice: what your parents 'think' about your orientation and/or identity doesn't actually matter that much. Once you are old enough to make a life for yourself, you can be yourself without the shame and humiliation. It is for similar reasons I don't really....ever...talk about the fact I'm entirely gay in front of my conservative parents. It's simply a necessary action at this point. I am 'out' to many people, but it's necessary to do some covering up at times for financial and emotional reasons. Things will get better in the future. If you can go to college far away, then do it. They never have to know about how you live your life there. The fact your mother is supportive is a blessing.
