It's been awhile since I was the one asking for help in this part if the forum. I thought I'd gotten to a point where I didn't need help figuring myself out, but I guess I was wrong. So here I am again, posting about my confusion and looking for help. So this last summer I came to the conclusion that I'm bisexual. I spent several months going back and forth in my head, trying to figure out if I really was attracted to men, or if the "attractions" I felt were some kind of fabrication or delusion brought on by, I don't know, a need to be "special" maybe? After awhile I came to the conclusion that they were real, and for awhile I was content. During that time my feelings for guys grew pretty strong. I spent a lot of time thinking about them, fantasizing about them, checking them out, and masturbating to them. It got to a point where I almost questioned my attraction to women, but in the end I decided no, I like both, I'm bi. However, recently I've been questioning myself again. I feel like my attraction to men has faded a lot. I still look at them, and still think about them, but the feelings aren't as vibrant as I remember. I don't feel the same excitement I did when I see a guy with a nice butt or arms, and when I masturbate I find myself more interested in women (I still get hard to gay porn, but I find it hard to finish to it). Part of this could be, I guess, that I'm just getting used to these feelings, and thus they aren't new and exciting anymore. But part of me, that annoying little anxious bit that just won't go away, keeps wondering if they are weaker because I'm bored with pretending or something. I know that's probably crazy, but it's there and it's annoying the hell out of me. I keep worrying that I was just pretending, that I lied when I came out, that I'm fooling myself into thinking I like the guy I recently started dating (or worse, that I'm only interested in him because he's trans and on some level I still see him as a woman). These thoughts really bug me, and as much as I tell myself that they are nonsense they don't seem to go away. The thing is that I like being bi. It feels right. I enjoyed that period where I was really into guys. It felt good, it felt RIGHT. I keep telling myself that those feelings can't be a lie, but then that annoying voice always asks, "are you sure?" I know it's pretty normal for bi people to fluctuate, to go hard for one sex, then another, and back and forth. I'm almost sure that's just what this is. However that damn little voice keeps asking "what if it's not?" I don't know. What do you guys think? I know I'm the only one who can really decide (I've said that enough to other people on this same forum), but right now I just need some second opinions. I should mention that I've been feeling down a lot lately, and I'm thinking that it may be at least partly responsible for these feelings. My mom thinks it's seasonal depression, and I'm inclined to agree. I'm planning on seeing a counselor next week to talk about it (the depression, not the questioning, though I guess I could ask about that too). But in the mean time I could just use some reassurance that I'm not crazy, not lying, and that I really am bi.
Hey there! I also identify as bi I relate to this fluctuation alot. I remember later in middle school I questioned whether I was actually lesbian because I seemed to lack attraction to men. And earlier this year, I was quite startled by how that changed into a preference for men. I think it’s because I had a seriously long unrequited love for a female friend later in middle school (to which I finally let go of) and I’ve had a bit of a crush on this one guy (though I don’t know much about him) Either way, my overall preference for a gender shifted. But even within those periods, I felt my attraction fluctuate. Nevertheless, I still identify as bi. Because it’s not like “straight” or “gay” would be a better fit.
It all sound pretty OK to me, I don't know if it is like a straight person preferring blondes but sometimes being attracted to brunettes but it might be similar. Only the individual knows who they are attracted to and if you acknowledge that, which you obviously do, then there's really nothing to worry about.Being bi enables me to feel attraction to anyone and sometimes it will be stronger with girls, sometimes boys and I think you just have to go with it. You could ask yourself whether it is romantic or just sexual attraction you feel towards either sex and from that answer determine whereabouts you are on the bi spectrum, but from what you say above I think you are definitely on it so, welcome ;-]
I agree, sounds pretty OK, and no one is crazy. It's natural but unfortunate that we seem to need to categorize ourselves. It's natural because we need to understand who we are. It unfortunate because who we are changes constantly, and categories box us in. Rather than picking a sexual identity, it helps me to define myself by what I'm not, even though that can change over time too. I'm absolutely not pure straight. I'm absolutely not pure gay. The passion and the lust I feel when making love with a man feels the same as the passion and lust I feel when making love with a woman. So, jam93, do you really need to decide whether you're sexually drawn to men or women? That's an honest question, maybe you do.
Nothing you're describing sounds out of the ordinary. Attractions wax and wane. And for bi people... lots of factors can play into it. You haven't said how old you are, but hormones can play into it as well, and if you're in your teen years or early 20s, that can also play a factor. I wouldn't sweat it.
Thanks for the replies. I appreciate you taking the time to help calm my fears. I've been feeling a bit better today then I have most of the last week, and after reading your responses, with my head more clear, I'm feeling a lot less worried. I think my shitty mental state over the last week was dredging up old worries that I'd mostly put to rest, and that was what was causing me to question again. I also saw the guy I mentioned again today. We hung out for a few hours at an arcade, had a few drinks (to answer Chip's question I'm 24), and it was a lot of fun. I think that being with him also helped calm my mind a lot. Anyway, thanks again for the replies. They do help.
Although I'm probably not Bisexual, It could be that you're just getting used to the feeling. Once you've explored something new and exciting the first time, It ain't exactly new and exciting the second time.
I don't know what kind of actual sexual experiences you have had but can tell you that actually being sexual with another person will help you to understand what you really like and what you really want. While sexual experiences between two inexperienced partners tend to be very awkward as both are trying to figure out what they do and don't like and what they and are not willing to perform, the experiences are critical to a person coming to understand their own personal needs and desires. hth
The headlne for this thread really caught my attention: "Thought I was done questioning, guess I was wrong" -- that is so me!! Sometimes I think I have it all figured out, Other times I'm filled with doubt. So I'm just taking it day by day, respecting the doubt just as I respect the clarity -- it's all me. "Thank you Doubt, I hear you, and your concerns are valid. And thank you Clarity, your points are valid as well. And taking everything into account, the path forward is chosen. Please speak up if there's any new information, otherwise let's proceed."
I am bisexual, and I know that for sure because I’ve felt this way since probably 6th or 7th grade (I’m a senior in high school now). Only you can figure out your sexuality. Good luck!
