So I am going to make this as short and simple as I can. I am very confused with my sexuality. I seem to have been attracted to boys recently, blonde in particular. But, the thought of having sex with a guy is just so taboo for me and I think cum is absolutely disgusting. The thing I don't understand one bit is the fact that I dated an extremely hot girl for about 2 years and we had sex almost every time we hung out. It was amazing. My sex drive was through the roof with her. All my life I have dreamed of being with girls and having sex with just girls, but now I am having second thoughts. Last night my dad took me to the strip club for my birthday and it almost felt like I was forcing myself to get an erection from the lap dances. My question to everyone on here is how can I go from having rock hard erections and tons of sex with the girl of my dreams to now barely being interested in anyone?(It was a hard break up) I can't even see myself with a guy either. Could it just be a fantasy I have been having of guys? Or is my lack of sex drive toward women caused by my depression? I am getting concerned about this and really need some advice. If i am in fact turning gay there just seems like there is absolutely no way out and no path to ever being happy. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Depression can definitely reduce sexual feelings by a lot, but it wouldn't change which gender you're attracted to. It's also possible that, as weird as it may sound, you had too much sex with the girl and now are bored with it, so are looking at guys as a new non-boring sexual interest.
I concur with Niagara. Depression really gums up the ability to get a clear picture of where your arousal lies. (This is one of the reason I'm pretty quick to question folks who claim to be asexual, because an overwhelming number of those who claim asexuality also report being depressed, and it's impossible to meaningfully determine what's going on when the depression is happening.) Now... putting aside the depression for a moment, you mention feeling attraction to blond guys. What are your masturbation patterns like? And what are you thinking about when masturbating? Is it guys or girls, or both? That's going to be one of your most reliable indicators as to where your attractions lie. As to the question of how you can change... the truth is, what we typically see is not that sexuality actually changes, but that, for those who have same-sex attraction, the suppressed same-sex attraction (and denial can be really powerful) eventually comes to the surface and shows itself. And sometimes, it can be really sudden and surprising. Likewise, the disgust with semen and discomfort with the idea of sex with a guy may well be part of the denial process that is still filtering itself out. So we can't say for sure what's going on here, as there are too many variables at this moment (And besides, only you can know what you're feeling.) What I can say is, if you do end up at the gay end of the spectrum, you will eventually be fine with it (though that may be hard to believe), and you can have an absolutely lovely, fulfilling life that just happens to be with a guy instead of a girl. And in the meantime, while you're figuring things out, try not to stress yourself too much and just explore and allow yourself the freedom to not know for sure yet. To the extent you're comfortable doing so, the more you are able to talk here about what you're feeling, the easier it will be to figure yourself out..
