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Style change after coming out (cis, f, queer)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Mia C, Jan 16, 2018.

  1. Mia C

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    This might be a weird question, but ever since coming out I have been super confused about my style.

    I always used to dress in a very feminine way, which I think suits my curvy body type. After coming out I felt the need to dress more androgynously but it didn't end up feeling quite right. I considered cutting my hair cause there's so many cute girls who rock short hair, but my face is round as hell and I don't think it would really work for me.

    I'm aware I don't need to actually change my style and that there is not one queer look or anything like that and that all is good as long as I feel like myself. But that's the thing - I kind of don't. I feel really torn between wanting to dress feminine and wanting to be recognized as queer. Like neither of the option makes me feel like I am expressing myself correctly.

    Does anybody else have this struggle? Do you have any tips for me?
    Emotional tips and experiences will help. Lookbook-tips will help, too :grin:

    Mia <3
     
  2. looking for me

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    you could keep your style of dressing but incorporate some LGBTQ+ jewelry, maybe some things like a rainbow scarf? simple things that tell those who know who you are and could start conversations with others.
     
  3. Crisalide

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    If you change idea about hair, I think there must be some short hairstyle that works with round face too.
    I don't know what kind of "curviness" you have (pear shape? hourglass?), but if you have a well-defined waistline and want clothing to hug curves despite being androgynous, try pants with high waist.
    If you want more "extreme" androgyny in clothing and hair still long, look at how good she looks :slight_smile: I don't know if she "screams queer", but at least she screams cool - to me.
    clothing1.jpg
     
  4. Mia C

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    Aah, you guys are awesome! Those are both really great ideas. I love the idea with the rainbow scarf :slight_smile: And oh my god, she does look amazing! :O

    I don't even feel like I necessarily need to scream queer, I just don't want to look like the sort of girl that you just ignore cause she screams hetero.
    I would describe my figure closest to an hourglass shape (although definitely not as amazing as all the pictures that come up when you google it :grin: ). I do already wear a lot of highwaisted trousers, but I just feel like anything I wear just ends up looking incredibly feminine because of my figure.

    Jesus, that girl in the picture is pretty. I need more inspiration :grin:
     
  5. Crisalide

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    The second pic is a type called "sailor trousers".

    clothing2.jpg
    clothing3.jpg
     
    #5 Crisalide, Jan 16, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2018
  6. denouement

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    If you don't want to go all the way short, there was (is?) a trend of shaving one side of your head and leaving the rest of the hair long. I thought it was convenient since you can just comb your hair a bit differently to hide the shaved part for more conservative occasions. And I always read girls with that hairstyle as "probably lesbian"- don't know if others do but that's how it strikes me and it looks pretty neat.

    As far as clothes, I would second the idea of rainbow accessories. Or for something more subtle, a necklace or such with the "female/Vlvenus" symbol on it.
     
  7. Cailan

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    I too feel women's clothes are more flattering for my body, so I simply added a few masculine elements, and mix them up. I might wear a men's sweater over a bra that really makes my boobs pop, mens Levis 501s (I have no hips so they fit perfectly) and a pair of medium-high heel booties. The effect overall is feminine with a masculine flair. I also have a short pixie cut, which can be interpreted in multiple ways depending on my clothing and whether I wear makeup (rarely).

    I don't feel the need to *look* like a guy so much as to be a guy (feel like one). I can feel like a guy while wearing a fluttery silk floral skirt and matching top, with heeled sandals and jewelry - and feel proud of my appearance. Weird, but that's being non-binary/bi-gender, I guess.
     
  8. Mia C

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  9. Mia C

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    I've been considering a side cut for a while. I felt like it was kind of out of fashion but I'll give it some thought! :slight_smile:
     
  10. Mia C

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    You sound very stylish! I bet you look really great :slight_smile:

    Also the last bit you said about feeling like yourself / feeling like a guy no matter what you wear is really inspiring. I guess seeing you're non-binary / bi-gender you must have really thought about these things a lot, but I feel like at the same time it relates to anyone, even straight people. I feel like most people define themselves through their exterior and sometimes it's expressing something you are very sure about, sometimes it makes up for the insecurities you have about your own identity. But it can't solve them. I hope someday I'll get to where you are now and feel like me - feminine, androgynous, queer and whatever else that entails, no matter what I wear.