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Who is in a successful "Mixed Orientation Marriage?"

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by mrpeach, Dec 9, 2017.

  1. Malaita Jo

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    I am in the same situation and agree with you entirely.
     
  2. Mr B

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    Thank you for such a honest reply. I too foolishly 'chose' to be straight when I was 22, like you. I think that kids are a deal-breaker for me as well, my parents sort of separated when I was a kid and it did no good to me, I don't want to put my kids through a similar situation, especially because they are doing so well and are so happy. I don't think I would be able to ever truly enjoy a new life with the guilt of knowing I caused them any kind of damage or upset. I also identify with this feeling of what my life would have been had I come out with 20 and it does feel sort of empty and purposeless to imagine a life without having met my wife and without the kids she gave us. This leads to the latest point, which I also identify with, which is the faith. I personally now no longer see any contradiction between this and being gay. My faith is about love and acceptance, not about judging and shaming. The conclusion, at this stage in my life is that I love my wife and kids and they are inexorably linked with my sense of purpose in life, so I am happy to stick with my family and pray that this will continue to be so in the future.
     
    #22 Mr B, Jan 16, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2018
    MBM4K54 likes this.
  3. quebec

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    Mr B....Not an easy decision....for either of us. :old_frown: Should I trade what I have for what might be? I am happy where my life is now. I have accepted myself and come out to my wife. The guilt of that "terrible secret" is gone and I still have my family. If this is how it remains until the end, then I am fine. You have time on your side. I am glad that you are happy to stick with your family...who knows what might happen in ten or twenty years? One of your children might come out as gay/lesbian which could open the door for you. Or, things may change to the point that coming out will no longer be a problem. I do envy you, in that you have time on your side, but I have no complaints. I consider myself to be one of the relatively few guys who has come out late and still remained married to a really wonderful girl! :old_smile:
    ....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #23 quebec, Jan 16, 2018
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2018
  4. MBM4K54

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    Mr B. You just summed up my situation and feelings towards it. I'm more fortunate than most as I'm bisexual.
     
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  5. Eab91

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    I tried for many years to make it work. But it never did... it ended up being a marriage that was sexless, resentful, and unhappy. It was painful to officially call it quits for both of us. But I wanted him to be able to be happy, as much as I wanted to be happy.
     
  6. SoRo

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    I know your post is from years ago. I just found this page and I’m wondering about any updates? I’m in a mixed orientation marriage as well

     
  7. SoRo

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    My husband is 34, myself 36. We have been married for about 14 years, 5 years into the marriage is when I found out he is bisexual. It has been a journey for sure!!! I have accepted his sexuality but at times he has not accepted himself. When confronted with his compulsive sexual behaviors (porn, social media) he gets defensive and starts to spiral that he can’t accept himself, he’s living a lie, He doesn’t deserve me, etc. he has not yet had a sexual relationship with a man and he sometimes wonders if this is what is keeping him from Feeling content.

    im sharing this with you as a brief intro and to let you know that your post resonated with me. I am sharing it with him so he can hear your testimony that you and your wife have found a way to make things work as well as how you found acceptance within yourself.


    I sometimes can’t believe my husband and I have been married 14 years and almost 10 of those is post disclosure and it continues to be something we have to work really hard to get through almost daily.


    there’s so much more I can share but I won’t at this time because this is lengthy enough already lol.


    but I thank you for sharing your story!!

    -Sonia