What do you consider a friend?

I don't have any decent friends, but what I would look for would be someone with a similar personality, similar sense of humor, similar temperament, similar interests and and someone who you have a great deal of mutual respect with. It isn't really a friendship if it is one-way.

 

It's totally no problem to not have that many friends. There's a lot of pressure in society on being very social nowadays. The more friends the better? Nope. Not true. Look I know it seems like it, but having more friends doesn't make you happier necessarily. You shouldn't befriend people for the thought of having friends. Good friendships aren't forced. The most important thing is that you are you. Love yourself. I tell people so many times, because people deserve to love themselves. Be yourself and people will come to you. When you stop looking, you really will find. I'm pretty sure that's a saying. Don't get me wrong, friends are amazing, but don't go search for them just because you feel like others have more or you should have more. They really will come to you at some point.

Furthermore, try not to compare yourself to others. There are enough people in the world that have so many friends, you don't even want to know. I know a few people that know literally everyone and are super social. But that doesn't make them better. That guy you know? What if he did have 30 friends? So what? It doesn't make him better than you. My advice, be yourself. Then you will find your kind, sooner or later. If you want you can join a group or something. Just remember, only befriend people you actually connect with, otherwise it won't make you any happier.

You're not doing anything wrong, I promise you. Like some guy once said "one can only find happiness and inner peace by being his true self, rather than wanting to be someone else". Once I wanted more friends desperately too, but I only really started to get friends when I started being myself and being happy with myself, not the other way around.

I don't think you should keep on comparing yourself to others. It's of no use. But to answer your question, for me a real friend is someone who will stand by you through everything possible. A real friend is someone with who it doesn't matter what happens. Someone that treats you exactly the same after not seeing each other for 10 years. Someone you want to hang out and go out with at all times, but with who you can have deep conversations too. Someone you can always count on. You will find someone like this. I promise you you will. Don't worry so much

 

I don't have many people whom I call "friend". I do, however, have lots of acquaintances (People I only know on the surface, no deep connection, don't see them often). A friend, to me, is someone I connect with on an emotional as well as social level. Someone who "gets" me, doesn't judge me (not to my face anyway) and someone I can trust with just about anything. I need to at least spend a decent amount of time with the person before I consider them a friend.

I also like when my friends can be blunt about certain stuff and tell me straight-up if I'm messing up or am about to make a huge mistake. Friends are there to comfort me when needed. We share the joys and sorrows of life together and can just get silly together too. A true friend is someone who doesn't question the friendship, even if we haven't spent time together in a while. Yeah, that about sums it up

 

Hm, this is interesting. I agree with you for most part, but I don’t agree with two things you said. First of all, someone who is your friend doesn’t judge you behind your back. A real friend does judge you to your face (in a way of being truthful and telling you when you’re doing something wrong or making the wrong decision), but doesn’t judge you behind your back. If it’s normal for you that a real friend judges you and shit talks you behind your back, you haven’t seen a real friend yet. Second of all, I used to think the exact same as you do. I used to think that friendship was time-based. Of course you grow closer over time, but sometimes the best friends are the ones you know the least long. You can consider someone a real friend when you truly connect, not when you’ve just known each other for a long time because you used to go to school together by chance. At least that’s my opinion. It’s no problem to not have many friends as I said, but know what a real friend is and who is just for show.

 

Yeah, people experience friendships different.

The thing that I think a lot of people are missing is that everything that you guys are saying you want in friends, many times people are able to get that but just way quicker.

I have seen people who have amazingly deep connections with people that they have met for months. They hang out together, support each other, can trust each other to help when necessary, etc. They seem like the best of friends. And then as fast as it came sometimes it goes just as fast. They just seem to unclick.

So is not that people are choosing to have more shallow friendships. Is just that some people are able to open up and let people in way faster than others. But that doesn't make those relationships shallow. I know a guy who can literally make best friends of people in weeks.

Its kind of how people can date someone and feel more connected to a stranger that they have met for days than to people who they have met for years. Longevity does not equate to good or bad friendships.

I personally have a hard time calling people friends. I have my group of friends who I trust with my life. We have been friends since college and I love them like family. Everyone else is just people im friendly with.

At the end, there are no right or wrong ways to experience friendship as long as everyone is respecting each other, feeling connected, and feeling better for the people around them.