so the situation is that i have a straight friend i met in high school that i liked. We known each other for about 5 years now and only within the past year or so i have started having feelings for him ( he doesn't know i'm gay). I value him a lot as a friend and we only really started to get to know each other better nearing the end of high school. I kept telling myself that no matter how much I like him, there was no possibility. i thought that i could accept that and since we go to different schools, we rarely ever see each other. Of course if the times worked out we would hangout together. I found myself missing him more and more. I feel really happy when i'm around him but at the same time the more time i spent with him the more i like. So a few days ago during break i met up with him. I decided that the only way to get over him is if I spend time away from him. I told him that night when we both got home that i liked him and that i need some time away from him and that we should stop being friends. He told me to take as much time as i need away, and that he doesn't regret all the times we spent together these years. After telling him that night, i don't know why but i felt really sad. I cried and cried. i thought that since i kept telling my self that he was just a friend that heart could accept it, but i guess that wasn't the case. I feel so empty everyday. i don't know if i made the right decision or not but i don't know what else i can do. On one hand i feel like i lost a great friend that i will never find again, and on the other hand i feel like i just ruined a friendship for my selfish reason of freeing myself from this emotional turmoil. Really, right now i just want to know if i'm doing the right thing. Having him as a friend meant not having my feelings returned and not having him as a friend meant losing a friendship that was only really just starting. i just want to know if i'm doing the right thing and also how to cope with this. cause all i've been doing is playing piano and guitar of songs that remind me of him( i know this isn't the right thing to do)
By the way, I see, I have to tell you that there is nothing wrong with being gay (if that's what you mean). By reading this, it really makes me sad and it made me cry. I think that you should at least try to go back to him.
i just don't think i can just be his friend without me feeling like i want so much more but it just can't happen. even though i really value this friendship.
Has he told you nothing more could ever be? Did he actually say he was straight? Is he dating someone right now?
well i mean no. we never really talked about any of that. He kinda briefly told me he wasn't gay and he hasn't dated anyone to my knowledge. But no, he hasn't told me that he was straight or not.
I just want to know if I'm doing the right thing by losing this friendship. I know I was weak and I couldn't ask him about his sexuality so I could have a clear idea of what to do. But I don't think I can live hanging on to small amount of hope that we could be something more, even I really wanted that. I want to know if giving up on this relationship is the right decision. I have never felt this kinda attraction to anyone in my life before, and i feel like it hurts me more to be with him than to not. If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated. Thanks
It's really impossible for us to judge that because we don't know how the other person feels about you. At this point do you judge that you are doing right, or do you feel you are doing something wrong? Act on whichever it is.
i feel like this is the right thing to do for me since there no possibility with him. But apart of me keeps telling me what if? what if i asked him seriously about his sexuality. what if there is the smallest chance that there could be a possibility. would i be throwing all that away?
i want to believe that i'm wrong and that there is a possibility for me and him. But i also can't keep lying to myself. i hope i'm doing the right thing. and i hope this pain doesn't hurt for too long
Do you feel you can't just be friends with him? Is it really better to suffer on your own than be happy around him? I find it much happier to simply try and enjoy the feelings I get from certain people even if they don't reciprocate. Of course it is not perfect but it is a lot nicer than avoiding the few friends I actually feel close to.
I thought that I could just be friends with him and i really tried. I do want to just enjoy the feelings i get from but the fact that we can't be anymore than friends hurts me more. Every time I see him, the feelings overwhelm me. My personal life isn't what i would like to say ideal, but when i'm with him i finally feel happiness for a while. and i don't think relying on him like this is good either. Ever day i'm not with him, i always think of him, longing for the sight of his cute smile and the sound of his voice. I'm afraid that one day when i'm hanging out with him, that i will just want to kiss him ( and yes i have had fantasy of that). just feel like i'm digging my self into this emotional ditch and everyday i'm digging further in. I'm afraid that one day i won't be able to get my self out. My mind know that this isn't a romantic possibility but i don't think my heart can. I know that this is what i should do but why do i keep regretting my decision. Everyday since i told him I've been regretting it. I feel empty even though there was nothing to be had in the first place.
As you know by now, being friends with someone whom you are in love with is extremely difficult. I think you did the right thing and I don't think you're being selfish, just pragmatic. Some people we just care too much about to be just friends with them. As painful and confusing as it feels now, you're not only saving yourself from prolonged/future agony, you're also opening yourself up to a relationship with someone who will return your feelings. There's no reason you can't be friends with this person later on if you're romantic feelings dissipate, but for now I commend you for doing what you need to do to take care of yourself and move on.
i just hope that I'm making the right decision on giving up on the small hope I keep holding on to. The hope that he isn't 100% straight, and that there could be a chance.
If there is a chance you're not necessarily going to get closer to that possibility by hanging around him all the time. People get comfortable in the way things are so if it's business as usual he won't feel a strong compulsion to make a change. If he actually did like you he would come after you the minute you moved on, and if he doesn't come after you then there's your answer.
That's what i'm assuming, but ironically enough he very quiet and shy and i know he doesn't express his feelings or opinions very openly. Even when we are hanging out. He is the very conservative type so things like this is hard to judge from him. I want to say that maybe he isn't straight and that he just hasn't realize that but on the other hand i fell like that is too much to assume. I'm not sure if this means anything but, when i told him i liked him that night and i needed time. He never gave me a concrete answer that he doesn't like guys. But instead just told me to take as much time away as i needed. i don't know if i'm overthinking this, but it seemed he was trying to end the conversation as quick as he can. almost like he was hiding something. i dunno. I honestly really shouldn't be thinking of this. But i can't, he is really important to me.
Even a shy, unemotional guy will go after you if he really likes you. He very likely wanted to end the conversation early because he was uncomfortable. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news but it's important to be realistic in a situation like this. You've done all you could to communicate that you like him and if he doesn't take the bait it's unfortunately time to move on.
I guess I need to be honest with myself that there is no possibility, and I should move in sooner than later. I just hope it doesn't hurt for too long.
I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm just saying that there's nothing more you can do within your power to make it happen. Ironically, in a situation like this your only chance of something still happening is by moving on (and really moving on, not just as a ploy to make him jealous). Best case scenario he will come around, but either way you will be free and in a much better place.
