What's your coming out story?

I knew I liked guys since I was 9. I liked girls too but didn't acknowledge it until I was 17 and was attracted to Xena from the TV show. I told my family when I was 18 and they were totally unsurprised. I've also told friends, my favorite aunt, my therapist and my psychiatrist and they've all been cool. I don't have any rapid homophobes/biphobes in my life. I live in Encinitas which is a cool city in California.

 

My mother and stepfather were the first ones to find out that I am trans. We had a long conversation some day in early 2015, which ended in me being told "You go, girl." After that, my mother took me out to get a haircut, where I was pressured into getting
very feminine short hair. After we got the haircut, we went out, and she bought me a skirt, and told me that she thought I was agender. Mind you, I had told her that I felt like a boy, so she was not being helpful and I was discouraged.

I spent a while as still a girl until April 2016, when I tried to kill myself. I told a therapist and she told my mom without me knowing. My mom then told my entire family and all of her friends yet again without my knowledge or consent. I ended up being really miserable for a month before I figured out that they knew I was trans. I picked a name, and everybody but my bio dad accepted me. But that was fine because I hadn't talked to him for about a year before that.

After I was out to my family, I went to public school in the closet for another year. After that year I told my mother I wanted to be out as trans at the next school. (We were moving that summer) At first she said no, but after I was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and self harm, I asked again and she said yes. Being out was actually really easy at school. I passed as a guy to most people, and the teachers were mostly kind enough to not misgender me. (Though my art teacher has gotten on my nerves for telling people I'm trans behind my back, and calling me "she" despite everybody correcting her.)

Overall, not all of it was on my own turns, but coming out wasn't quite as bad as I thought it would be.

 

I was kinda "In your face about it" I announced it to all my friends over fb and they were cool with it. a few months later, I told my conservative religious mother I was bi and had a boyfriend and well... you can imagine how that went

 

Well since you asked...
The first time I came out was last summer. I was at a national event for the foam swordfighting group I've been in since college. I was chatting with one of my friends, who is queer herself, and somehow we got on the topic of sexuality. She wanted to know which way I swung, probably because I'd played a bi character in the D&D campaign we'd been in together the winter before. At first I told her I really didn't want to talk about it (at the time I was still really confused myself) and she dropped the subject. However, a few hours (and more then a few drinks later) the topic came up again. This time she straight up asked if I was gay. I told her no, then after a short hesitation, admitted that while I wasn't gay I did find some guys attractive. She said something along the lines of "that's cool, thanks for telling me and welcome to the club" (can't remember the exact words, my momory of it is a bit fuzzy from the alcohol). We then went our seperate ways.
The next time was a few months later. Thanks to this site I was way more confortable by that time, and had decided to identify as bi. I was driving back from another foam swordfighting thing (there is a pattern here) with some friends. I don't remember what was said (I was pretty tired at the time) but one of my friends made a coment about being the only bi guy in the group. The others kind of nodded along and laughed, then I spoke up and told him he was wrong, that there were two bi guys in the group. That confused the hell out of them, and I basically had to say "me, it's me, I'm the other one." They didn't really react to that. Just kind of nodded and one gave ma a thumbs up.
He next one of note was when I came out to my mom. I had a day off, and had to take my work truck into get an oil change. My mom offered to take me out to eat so we could catch up while they were doing that. I'd kind of wanted to come out to her for awhile, so I accepted, hoping I'd have the courage to do it. We had lunch, then since the truck wasn't done yet went for a walk. I kept wanting to tell her, but couldn't bring myself to say it. after the truck was done my mom offered to buy me groceries. Hoping to buy more time to work up the courage to tell her, I accepted and we went back to my appartment to so I could make a list. While there my mom asked me about my mental state. She was worried that I might be depressed (that's another story) and told me that if I needed to talk to her she was there to listen. I told her I was fine (still not sure that wasn't a lie), but then managed to get out "but I do want to talk." We sat down at my table, and after a few botched attempts I managed to tell her that I liked guys and was bisexual. It's kind of a blur after that. I cried, she hugged me and said she loved me and she'd had her suspicions. Then we went to get groceries.
I came out to my brother next. I had actually wanted to tell him before my mom, but our scheduals just didn't meet up. Finaly I got a day off that worked for him, and I drove up to see him in college. We hung out for a few hours, watched a movie, and played his X Box a bit. Finally when things kind of paused, I told him that I wanted to talk. He was probably the easiest to come out to. I just straight up told him I'm bi. He was cool about it, and said he was suprised but not that suprised, because I'd always been kind if wierd.
The next one after that was the big one. I'd known for a while that National Coming Out day happens to fall on my birthday. I'm not really one to look for signs, but I couldn't help but feel that was kind of a convienent coincidence. I also liked the idea of starting out my new year out, at least to my friend. So in that vien I wrote up a kind of letter. It was a bit long, but I felt it needed to be to say what I wanted. It took me several weeks, but I finaly came up with something I liked. Then my birthday rolled around. I woke up at about four in the morning, realized today was the day, and almost shit myself. I tossed and turned for a few hours, trying to get back to sleep, but failed. Finally I got on here and made a post saying that I wanted to come out, but was chickening out at the last minute, hoping someone might give me some inspiring words or something. I then got up and got ready for the day. I went to work, and spent the next few hours psyching myself up. Finally I got to a point where I was determined enough to copy the letter into facebook, and after one more little pep talk, hit send. I the turned off all facebook notifications on my phone and spent the next two hours doing everything I could to avoid looking at it. Finally when I took a break for lunch I gave in and checked. I had about twenty reaponses, all were positive and many were really supportive. More came in throughout the day too, and that trend continued. It felt really good to see that much support from my friends. And made me really glad thay I was brave enough to tell them.
The last person of note that I came out to was my dad. I was worried about him, because while he'd never been actively hostile to gay people, he'd also never mentioned them in any way that wasn't a joke. My worries were for nothing though. When I did tell him his response was just " ok, it's your life so I can't judge." Honestly that shouldn't have suprised me. He's one of the least opinionated people I know.
I still have some people to come out to. Most of them are older relitives who I think may react poorly. Some, like my grandpa, I don't plan to tell unless things get serious with a guy. Others, like my mom's sisters, I might tell later on when I get a good opertunity, I'm not sure. Overall though my coming out experince has been good. I've gotten a lot of support, and those who aren't supportive have at least been accepting. I know that's not the case for many, and I'm really thankful for the people I have in my life because of that. Anyway, I'll shut up now. I think I've written enough for the night.

 

It's kind of a funny story. It was like less than a year after i realized i was bi (after years of obvious signs) and I was actually kinda excited but nervous to come out to my dad. I had planned out that I was gonna tell him the upcoming summer when we were camping. We eventually went camping and I wanted to stay true to my word. Problem was, I didn't even know what I was gonna say until the moment came.

I just blurted out "hEY did you know I like the same gender now?" in the middle of the night while we were sitting by a campfire. It was probably the worst thing i could of said because 1. That implies i'm 100% gay and 2 It sounds like I had realized it out of the blue like a week earlier. He immediately said that I was confused. He started to go on about how people at some point always get confused and I was PANICING. My mind was in "cancel mission" mode and tried to take it back as a joke which failed. I was a complete mess afterward and I felt horrible for the entire trip (plus another two months.)I had breifly explained a few days later that I was attracted to more than 1 gender and he seemed to not hate it.

Fast forward now (1 1/2 years later) and we still never talk about it. Every single person I'm closely realated to is cishet so I guess it hit him by suprise when I told him I wasn't. I want to mention it if he ever brings it up agian. His side of the family is known for being racist/homophobic and he's told me he wants to be better than that. I can tell he's really trying his best to be a good ally and I appreciate it a lot, I guess he just doesn't know how. I know things get on the right track at some point ;P

 

I've only told one person, which is my friend/roommate.

I told him because I had a crush on him, and since he was essentially my only friend at the time I had no one else to talk to about it, and it was tearing me up inside. I had never been that attracted to a guy and thought I was straight, he was also straight. He was totally fine with it and extremely supportive, didn't mind the crush part at all either.

Long story short, we both thought we were straight, and now we both think we are bisexual and are kind of in an unofficial relationship.

Life is weird sometimes.

 

Similar to me aged 18 and my first boyfriend - neither of us had a clue until we met each other, but after that, WOW

 

It's a bit of a long story but here we go!

I first came out when I was 16, I was pretty much forced to, because my mom caught me making out with a girl in my room (not my mom's fault we were skipping class) and her reaction on the spot was so angry and scary that I blurted out I was bisexual to her because I thought that would make it easier for her to deal with. It kinda worked, my mom was always a bit uncomfortable about it but she never tried to tell me what I should or shouldn't do.

I ended up dating that girl for a little over a year. Eventually she broke up with me because she met someone else. I was devastated, hurt and was left in a very insecure place. I ended up clinging to the bisexual identity I had created for myself and at that point I was getting enough male attention that I started to convince myself it was right for me. After that it was years of hooking up here and there, sometimes with guys, sometimes with girls. Usually the MO would be me obsessing over a girl, hooking up with them for a while and when it crashed and burned because I was so afraid of rejection that i'd self sabotage, then i'd bounce back to guys because it was easy and I kept thinking I just hadn't met the right guy.

When I was 23 I met this guy at a party and we immediately hit it off, we had amazing rapport and after a little time we started dating. I never felt fully comfortable with the physical aspect of that relationship, but we really were best friends most of our time together. Slowly but surely my discomfort started to grow as this huge gap between us and after 2 years there was literally no relationship left to kill when we finally broke up.

Early 2015, I was in a very dark and negative place, and wondered what the hell was wrong with me. The next few months were just me hitting rock bottom and throwing myself into parties and drinking, I was just keeping myself busy at all times to not have to stop and think about anything.

During that time I met an amazing girl, who i'll call P. We started dating just a few weeks after we met. She really made me center myself again and during our relationship we'd have amazing deep conversations about sexuality, feeling confused, etc. She was older and a lot more experienced and was a great help for me to start figuring things out.

September that year my grandma passed away and me being super close to her felt it so hard, I shut off from the world, eventually broke up with P. After grieving for a while, I reached this very peaceful state of mind and for the first time ever I started to really think, question and figure out things for myself. I finally came to terms that yes, I was gay and was just trying really hard to repress it because it was "more acceptable".
Then I started coming out to people in my life. My mom at this point had become quite a good ally and was super chill about it. My friends were all really supportive and positive and it felt like this huge puzzle piece had finally clicked into place and I felt this euphoria that I had never felt before (hard to explain, sorry if corny).

Right now, i'm out to everyone in my life and am really really happy to have finally accepted myself and have been in the most invested, rewarding relationship I ever had up to this point.

 

I've only just come out as bi recently. I'm 54 years old, married with a wife and 4 kids. It's been like a huge burden has just been taken off me, almost as though I've spent my whole life trying to do tings right handed and just realized that I'm left handed. I wish I realised as young as you, but it is what it is.

 

Ya'll this is gonna be long and I'm sorry for that.

I think it was like 2010 when I first gained the vocabulary for what I was feeling and at that point I had come to terms with the fact that I liked girls. Previously, I didn't know that being gay or bisexual was an option. In the middle of the night I was talking to one of my friends and was like, "So...asking for a friend but what would you say if one of your friends said she liked girls." I don't remember the response but later that year I came out as bisexual as I thought *maybe* I'd still be straight and it'd be okay.

Fast forward to 2012 and after a few failed relationships with men, I was coming out again but this time as a lesbian. I was able to come out to my friends at the rate I wanted and they were all fine with it. However, I got a girlfriend that year and ended up getting outed to my entire high school which was a blast. After that whole dumpster fire calmed down everything was fine and I didn't have to worry about coming out to anyone other than my family after that.

After graduating from high school in 2015, I realized that I'd have to go through the whole coming out thing again as I'd be meeting new people in classes and such. I've been fortunate in that the people in the organizations I've been involved with throughout college have been accepting and that I haven't had any major issues with anyone.

Currently, I've never sat my family down and had the "I'm gay" talk despite being in a relationship for a little over two years. However, I'm pretty sure my mother knows as I think I accidentally put a tank top that my girlfriend got me that says, "no one knows I'm a lesbian" into one of the family laundry baskets.

 

wow, you are extremely lucky :O

 

I didn't come out PUBLICALLY until 39 so I know how you feel... but it IS nice to finally just be YOU, yes? I'm loving life Like never before.

 

Knew since I was very young (14) but only admitted to a few close friends when I was 18. Had a lesbian affair at 21 (my hubby at the time was fully aware and okay with it) but never anything serious until now. After my THIRD divorce (all men) I finally realized I'd never be happy until I admitted to myself and everyone around me that I'm not even into men and that's why I'm never happy with them! So at age 39, I engaged in an actual relationship with another woman and now I'm the absolute happiest I've EVER BEEN! I finally feel like ME and it's awesome. And maybe thats Bc my Love is such an amazing person... but either way, im now proud to call myself a lesbian. ❤

 

i was in the sixth grade, and some guys in my class were going around asking random people what their sexual orientation is and i said that i’m bi. that’s literally my whole coming out story.

 

I’m a guy, and I was in the middle of a serious schoolboy crush on a guy I knew in college. Was going on a big Northeast vacation with my parents. I thought, “Ok, I’ll tell them I’m bi at a nice dinner in NYC, it’ll be just like the movies.” I got all stressed, freaked out and panicky after having a bad time driving in Philadelphia (I got lost) and ended up telling them at 2 am in a Philly hotel room.

I’m currently in doubt about whether I’m bi or what exactly I am, but it’s a good story nonetheless

P.S. - They were cool with it

 

My story was strange...I identified as aa full straight guy until my mid-twenties. No signs of being especially different apart from having no father figure from a young age, being a mummy's boy, hating school, having my much older sisters regularly beat up on me, and wanting to stay indoors all the time and be a barefooted dreamer (not a lot has changed in that aspect). I met a bi-les girl in my early 20s but only realised her sexuality a year or so later. I found it cool and I was well into girl on girl stuff anyway! Things progressed to her fantasy stories and previous hook ups with girls, when we were in bed together. And after a while her fantasies began to centre around seeing me with another guy. I found it plain weird at first, but continued chatting about it over time made me shiver with nerves and excitement. She knew before I did that I was into guys! I remember her saying to me "I know you are bi, I can tell by your reaction and your excitement in between your legs". I was embarrassed and didn't know what to say. So I said nothing. But the seed was planted and I started to chat to people online in bi and gay chatrooms, leading to occasional meets for sex.
Fast forward a couple of years. I met a woman who I fell in love with and married. Unfortunately, she was deeply homophobic, and also very possessive and domineering. Those traits, combined with my now deep-rooted hidden desires for guys, resulted in me eventually rebelling and having secret meets with guys every now and then. My wife complained about my general behaviour to my also deeply homophobic parents, who asked me blatantly in front of her "are you gay? Is that why you two are not getting on so well? Please say it isn't so" I was so annoyed and embarrassed at the accusation that I immediately denied it in a crazy rant to them. And i suddenly disliked my wife deeply for causing such trouble for me with my parents. But it was not that which ended the marriage...it was the meeting with my current wife, who was going through a divorce herself and chased me like a woman possessed, demanding that I leave my then-wife and be with her, that finished my marriage. I ended up living with and getting married to her a year later, moved abroad, and have been with her for ten years. I told her early in the relationship, before marriage, that I was bisexual and fooled about with guys previously. She laughed it off, but I came to realise that she was extremely conservative (notice the pattern???) and she must have thought that I was confused. A few years later, she would have an affair and I then started to see guys again discreetly. It's been a tough time, with a daughter coming along 3 years ago, my wife losing her job, becoming more angry and argumentative, putting on a lot of weight, and moving back home with my daughter 18 months ago. She said she would come back after one year but decided after a few months that she was not coming overseas again to live and that I would have to relocate back home, which I am doing in a couple of months. During that period of being on my own, I have had a couple of more serious but discreet gay partners, and am currently dating a guy who I have fallen for. I now feel I am bi-gay and more into guys but still into women, although not really into my wife anymore, though I aim to change all of that in the future and start again to try and be a "straight" faithful husband. I want it to work, but I'm mainly doing it for my daughter so that the cycle of not having a father figure is not repeated within my family. But while on my own, I have gone to holistic therapy centres, met great loving people whilst engaging in my favourite pastime (barefoot relaxation!) while there, and had one on one sessions with a couple of therapists where I "came out" to them and they were very supportive and not at all judgemental. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and one of the therapists was so cool when she said "you have the right to enjoy your life, and be attracted to men. I am in a loving relationship with my partner now, but before him I was living in L.A. and had a lesbian relationship for a few years. I'm bi too". It was unreal.

 

There were these kids at my high school making fun of gay people. I was in my room crying about it. I meant to close the door to hide it from my mom but I guess I forgot so she came in to ask me if I was okay. I told her some kids at school were making fun of gay people. She said "You're so sensitive. We don't even know anyone who is gay. Is someone at school gay? Who's gay?" There was a long awkward pause and then she said "Are you gay?" And I said yes. And she said "Really? How long have you known?" I told her almost a year. She asked why I hadn't told her and I told her it was because I was in religous education classes and she helped out there. There was a bunch of literature we were given and amoung it there was an article that basically said acting on gay urges was a sin and there were mentions of conversion therapy and I told her I was afraid she'd send me. She had no knowledge about this article and asked to see it. I showed her to which she said "wow, that's pretty bad" and went on to tell me she believes God loves everyone as they are. I was scared to tell my dad so she told him and he was okay with it too once he got past the inital shock.