Hi all, I'm in a relationship with what could be described as the 'perfect guy'? We've been together for 2 and a half years and things are serious with us, we have discussed marriage, kids etc... I love this man with all of my heart but cannot lie to myself when I say that we are just not on the same page at all! We both want different things out of life and he just won't seem to accept that... He wants to mortgage, buy a house, settle down and stay here in our hometown for the rest of his life. While I have no problem with settling down I don't want to do it anytime close to now. I want to explore, travel, and see the world! I told him its always been my dream to emigrate or try a working/holiday style trip. He just refuses everything I suggest. For example, we had planned to go to the states later this year (I would be paying the entire trip) and he refused, said that he didn't want too. I'd been a struggling time last year and broke down in front of him because I just wanted some time to get away and relax rather then stressing like the rest of the time. He still refused. He's looking at houses and wants us both to save up a mortgage deposit but my heart just isn't in it. I don't want to be tied down with a mortgage just yet, I don't feel ready for it. I don't blame him for having his own ideas and dreams but they're not anywhere on the same page as mine. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm wasting my time with him, wondering if I should even be with him if we don't want the same things out of life. I can't stress how much I love him, we have a really strong connection to one another but I don't see a way around this. He won't budge on his dreams so why should I? Do I not deserve to be truly happy? How do I tell the people who I love with all my heart this? It will break both of us if we break up but I honestly don't see a way around this?
Hello, It seems he isn't that perfect, at least for you at this moment. What i mean is that both of you may indeed be great guys, but, if you are not looking for the same thing, if you are not in the same page... it will be hard to build a healthy, happy relationship. There is no such thing as perfect relationships. In every relationship, there will be times when someone will have to prioritize their partner instead of a personal wish. However, that needs to happen in both sides - otherwise, there will be a power imbalance, where someone is always giving up on their objectives and someone is always getting everything at the expense of his/her partner. There are cases like this when it isn't "someone's fault", but, instead, it's just a matter of different tastes or objectives in life. And, in that case, it may be worth considering if a relationship like this is really worth it. Have you talked to him about your feelings?
you are absolutely right in wanting to make sure your on the same page before locking in a mortgage. I recommend you have a final talk, (assuming you tried multiple times already). You guys would both layout your wanted futures and then you would both see where the differences our and comprise. If in that moment he refuses like you said he always do, let him know that this is very detrimental to your future if you want to be together and if a mutual agreement cannot be made, you have to look forward to moving on. Wishing you a peace of mind
