Each day I have a stronger desire to be true to myself. There have been so many hurdles to overcome. I went out to dinner with a new friend the other night. My intention was to tell her that I am a lesbian. I tested the waters by trying to find out her views on homosexuality. I learned that she has a lesbian cousin and a gay uncle. She said the people she worked with once asked her what she would do if a woman hit on her. She said she would just simply say, I’m not interested in you that way but I am very flattered. I still couldn’t bring myself to be honest with her and say....well by the way, I am a lesbian. I’m not sure why I couldn’t. But I went away from the conversation upset with myself for not taking the opportunity to tell her, to continue to conceal my true self. It is all I have been able to think about. I still have fears about the reaction I will get from people, and whether I will be accepted. But I know that day is getting closer. I want to want to build a network of support before I choose to leave my marriage, I think I need that.
Hi @zumbaqueen, I've no real advice as I'm not out to anyone myself, but I can relate to your fears about wanting to tell people. For most people I know, it's not so much that they might react badly, but more whether they'd wonder why I'm telling them as they don't have any real need to know. I'd be telling them for myself really. But, as you say, it'd be good to get a network of support in place. It's tough, wanting to tell people, then not wanting to tell people...Don't be hard on yourself. You brought up homosexuality in conversation, maybe next time you'll take the next step.
@LostInDaydreams I think I backed out of telling her because of her saying how she would politely decline if she was hit on by a woman. I asked her if she wanted to get together outside of my Zumba class to talk, we have a lot in common as far as religion and upbringing and she and I have been chatting quite a bit before and after class. I actually just like her as a person, I was never interested in her as a potential date. So I just have the worry that I always do, that I will make her uncomfortable around me when all I want is a friend.
Ah, I see. You're worried that she'll think you're interested or the dinner was meant as a date? That's understandable. Her reaction is down to her though, I'm not sure there's much you can do to control it. No reason that she should jump to that conclusion though, if you've been treating her like any other friend. Whether or not it's worth the risk is up to you, but if she'll eventually find out anyway... I'm not sure, but the earlier in your friendship she finds out perhaps the better it will be?
Yep, that’s is what I am concerned about. I feel like if I would have told her right then and there, she wouldn’t see it that way, but since I waited there is that possibility. That’s why I was upset with myself. And yes, I think it would be better if we are going to be friends if she knows sooner rather than later.
I've got no experience around this. Hopefully somebody will have some good advice. Would you be able to tell her the next time you see her? Do you think she'd understand if you explained you'd intended tell her but backed out? Though, it might be worse if you make a thing of it.
Hey @zumbaqueen I’ve got no experience with this but I feel if you follow up your coming out with, “You don’t know any nice lesbians, do you?” should indicate you’re not looking at them like that. Don’t worry. You’ll get there.
Hey Zumbaqueen, don't be too down on yourself that you couldn't take the opportunity to tell her, be proud of yourself that you made the opportunity and got so close, no so long ago that would never have happened. When I was first coming out to my friends one of my biggest fears was that they would all feel like I was checking them out or attracted to them but in reality that was just a fear in my head. Your friend sounds well grounded and I'm sure she wouldn't think that.
Zumbaqueen you did just fine. Coming out is hard but gets a little easier each time and you will have plenty of practice! I used to stress so much about this, now i make no announcement, it just comes out naturally in conversation. The bright side is that you know the acceptance is there and she is your friend even if she is a new one. The groundwork is done. When you feel ready you will finish what you started. There is no rush. Take your time and feel good about talking to a friend about homosexuality.
Hi Zumba Queen I just wanted to say, don’t be too hard on yourself. I still want to come out to a few more people and I’ve definitely missed some opportunities. Slightly different as my problem is that I’ve known them a long time and why am I just telling them now. I think you have to be ready yourself though and that will come with time. It definitely gets easier. I think you want to get to the point where you feel confident in what you are saying. I agree it’s probably best to tell her sooner rather than later but don’t rush yourself. Most straight people can probably appreciate that you want to sound someone out a bit first.
You're doing really well @zumbaqueen so give yourself a pat on the back for bravery. There's nothing wrong with taking things one step at a time. Always do what feels right at the moment.
When I told a friend about falling for another woman and knowing I was not straight, and now being with another woman, I think I started to think she would misunderstand or misinterpret every move. But then she texted me to say - " All I think is that you are my friend." Things have been fine since then.
I can't imagine how hard that must've been for you, but I think you're very brave. I hope you are able to surround yourself with a great network of supportive friends this year!
@Wesley007 I tried to respond to your message on my wall but it says you limit access so I couldn’t. I am doing a little better than I was.
Ok sorry I will try to fix it. I'm glad you are doing better than you were. If you need to talk I'm here a lot.
